What Next?

So, I did call the doctor the Monday following the Sunday I saw my results and they had no information.  The nurse said the doctor would call if they got any information but not to worry too  much about it at this point.  And, when I returned last week from Ann Arbor on Thursday there was a message on the machine from the doctor's office on Tuesday asking me to call them.  I then had a game of phone tag finally staying at the  house Friday afternoon until I got the return call.  Yes, there was a very small numbers of abnormal cells but nothing the doctor is concerned about and will watch so be sure to come back next year and see what happens with them.  Really???   I even asked "next year?" are you sure we wait that long.  Yes was the answer.  So, I see Dr. Z in a few weeks and I will let her tell me the same thing.  I will switch medications this visit and maybe that will make a difference.  The doctor did say they tested for HPV and I did not have any which is the virus which is linked to cervical cancer so I guess that was a good thing.  Sheesh, the more I know the less I know.

So, for right now, I will continue to exercise, eat healthy, go to my checkups faithfully and take whatever comes my way.  I will also listen to my instincts which have been pretty accurate up until now and if something doesn't feel right I will follow up.  But, now I will just keeping working at working, looking forward to a couple years down the road when I can stop working, and then plan every day to the fullest possible adventures I am capable of accomplishing.  Life is good!

Things Can Change in the Blink of an Eye

So, with the wonders of electronic technology the world of medicine is ever changing.  I had my annual exam the end of August, had a bone density last week and just a minute ago checked my electronic test results.  Yep, I have a message as of 12:31 a.m. to contact the office regarding my test results.  Usually I get the message your test results are normal - see you next year.  So, I will call the doctor tomorrow since it is Sunday, and see what is up.  I can only think - here we go again.  This is just another example of how the cure might get you if the disease does not.  The Tamoxifen that I take every day increases the risk of other cancer.  What do you think the odds are? 

I will hope for the best but prepare for the worst - just my nature. 

Blink of an Eye and it is July!

So, I thought I should post in my blog with an update just to let me know I am still alive and kicking and imagine my surprise when I saw the last post was in May and that I was surprised then by the fact it was already May.  I do know the older you get the faster time goes by and I think that is because we are on the last half and not the first half.  This is why I make the most of each and every day.  I Live, Laugh, Love as much as possible so if I sign off with LLL those are my signature words like many others use and live by as well.

There are no guarantees tomorrow will come for any of us so I try not to have any regrets or things undone that if not taken care of before it is my time to depart this earth will haunt my loved ones left behind.  I can also say I am honestly as happy or more happy than I have been in any other time of my life because I make the choice to be so.  Make sense?  Yes it des.

I am not the same as I was before and I never will be.  I have constant tightness and disruption in my abdominals from surgery and after more than a year I have come to terms that it is what it is and I will function with that issue.  It has changed my exercise - I can no longer go out and hike for 10 or 15 or 20 miles because my abs become so tight that it pulls on my lower back which causes me pain.  So, I do 3 miles to 5 miles and make the most of those miles.  I am okay with that.  I can exercise hard for an hour to two hours and then I am done and happy.  I do flights of stairs, 10,000 steps every day (or try), I do Insanity when I want a real pick me up, I do boot camp class, ride bike, play outside, and if nothing else, keep myself moving instead of lying in a chair and letting the day get away from me.  I have a pair of shoes in each of my offices so I can pop them on, take a 15 minute walking break, get in some steps, some stress relief and sun, and then come back for more.

I have managed to lose about 35 pounds over the last 7 months and have done it slow and steady.  I don't deny myself anything that I really want to eat and just modify.  I exercise at least 6 days a week although I try to do it 7 days just because it makes me feel so accomplished and free.  I am letting my hair grow out some more just because I can.  I am loving life as much as possible and find myself in a really good place right now.  Even my job, as much as I struggle with those things I can't control, is not getting me down because at the end of the day I can actually walk out of that building and leave the crap behind.  I am also very happy that I do not have 15 or 20 years left in the work force and continue to look forward to January 5, 2016 when I turn 60 and can officially retire from the State with whatever benefits I can get.  I want to wait until December 31st, 2016 and even maybe April 2017 to get in my 20 years even, but knowing I could go whenever I really decided makes getting to 60 so much sweeter.

Time to head out for work - but it is Friday - so looking forward to 4:00 and the beginning of my time.

Where are the Days Going?

I look at the calendar and cannot believe it is May already.  The last two months have gone by so quick I have not had tme to do all I need to do.  I cancelled by 1 year check-up with Dr. Logan due to a conference in Traverse City and have yet to reset.  I have not reset my regular checkup with Dr. Patel because I never remember when I am at work and only think about it when the office is closed.  So, I guess I must be avoiding it for some reason and need to just get these 2 things done!  Dr. Logan will then be done except for annual checkups.  I wished he would have done mor reduction on the reconstruction and it is showing now.  I assume if I really wanted it - he could go back in and reduce this and it would not put me down for more than a few days, but I am not really into going back under.  Five surgeries in the last 3 years now is plenty.  I will give it a little time and then see. 

My weight is down a lot and my BP has been well within normal range to low so I know the appointment with Patel would be fine.  I workout almost every day, I am eating much more healthy, doing away with almost all processed carbs and staying very close to clean eating.  I have a few vices still - gluten free multi-grain crackers from SAMS Club are just the crunch I need (thanks Darlene).  I am almost addicted to them.  Even Joe likes them.  Speaking of Joe - he is now watching is food, beginning to exercise and take an interest in getting more healthy.  I love it!   I can cook things I like and will eat and so will he.  He is reading healthy recipes, getting involved with VA on their weight loss program and I am so pleased to feel like I have a partner in this process called staying as healthy as we can.  I don't want to be alone when I retire - I want this best friend of mine to be there and enjoy it all.

It is Sunday morning, quiet and peaceful and I am trying to plan my day and figure out what I want to do - inside or outside work - maybe a combo of both.  The house is a mess and I need to take each individual room and take time to Spring clean from top to bottom.  I have every one of my flower beds again needing attention.  I have bags of clothes and stuff to go to Goodwill and just need to pack it up and get it done.  I need to take a week off and get some things done but can't take the time away from work which is moving forwad 150 miles per hour.  But, for some reason, I thrive in the midst of all the stress and chaos.  Weird.

So, I will take a deep breathe, and enjoy every day.   I have not mentioned Randy in my blog today and not sure why.  He is facing life threatening medical issues and he is recovery from very significat heart bypass but still has another surgery to face.  Just another reminder that we are all on borrowed time and we can make choices that move us forward or move us downward (like into the ground) and I hope everyone takes advantage of the change to make things better.  Unfortunately, it is all about personal choice and decisions so we can wish it all day for others but they need to want it and do the hard work.  I hope Randy makes the decision to take advantage of the opportunity provided to him, re-evaluate what is important in life, and enjoy every day.  :)

I really do feel like Merry Sunshine most days and today is no difference. 

Moving Forward

Had my 6 month check up with Dr. Z Friday and it went well.  My weight is down, I am doing all the right things, she likes exercise and a more plant based diet.  I told her I have been working out almost every day, no longer drinking any type of pop, diet or otherwise, and really cut back on red meat and eating lots of fruits and veggies.  My BP was normal (which is rarely the case when I am at the doctor's office) and she was pleased with my reconstruction and how it looks.  My mammo was clear and it is full steam ahead.  We discussed whether I wanted to switch from the tamoxifen to the next drug which I will be on through the 5 year mark.  I then asked her when her clock starts for the 5 years and she indicated the day I had the cancer surgically removed is her guideline.  Everything done since surgery is preventative in nature because my cancer was isolated so for her my 3 year mark is June 2013.  Yahoo - I like that train of thought.  Then we went back to the change of medication.  I asked what the side effect of the next prescription would be.  She indicated in less than 20% of patients there is achy joints and it has a tendency to cause osteoperosis or loss of bone.  That is why they give tamoxifen first which builds up bones.  I told her I would opt to stay onthe tamoxifen (which only gives me a few hot flashes a day) and put off the other until our next appointment in September.  She said fine - no problem from her stand.  I also have learned from my reconstructive surgery that any percent of a side effect needs to be taken seriously.  The fact I have such continued tightness in my abs and ome discomfort is not the usual so I will never take for granted I would suffer from any of the side effects of anything.

Right now I am enjoying the side effects of exercising hard almost every day, staying active, trying to get in my 10,000 steps and 10 flights of stairs every day.  I cannot say I love exercise but I do love when it is done and the sense of accomplishment I get from thinking I just worked my butt off and sweat shows the results.  I also ventured into my closet last night and tried on everything - even things I have not had on in a real long time and while they are out of style they are my measure of body weight-shape.  There is nothing in my closet I cannot wear except some things are too big.  :)

I won't get too excited because I gave away some of my small clothes (that even had the tags) to my new skinny sister to enjoy but I am wearing 12's again and that gives me some new items to wear.  I will begin to buy some signature pieces again but will continue to make sure my weight loss continues.  Historically every time I get in the 160's I sabbotage myself and quite doing everything.  This time I feel totally different because I am not losing weight fast.  Actually, I am losing it slowly with some weeks just maybe half a pound.  I am not celebrating 169 until I have hit that number a few weeks in a row to make sure I keep moving down.  My ideal weight I think is at least 157 which will put be under the obses category for BMI but in my head I like 147 as well.  :)

Over a Year Ago

The one year anniversary for my reconstructive surgery came and went last week but not without me thinking about the year long process.  February 28th, 2012 and every day after has been a continuing challenge.  I never imagined a year later I would be not be back to normal or at least pre-op.  I know the abs will always be an issue and I take care of not over working them, I doubt I will ever walk more than a few miles at a time, I do workout but have some limitations.  Overall, I have adapted but like yesterday when I went out walking I felt the extreme pressure pushing against my abs after just a short 1/4 miles and knew I would struggle to do more than a few miles.  Then I realize, a few miles is actually pretty good and there is no reason I have to do 10 miles to accomplish my goal of staying healthy.  I have always been an "all or nothing" person and I am continuing to learn and accepting a little bit is okay, and every day a little bit more to take me slow and easy through my journey and that when I reach my destination means I am done being on this earth.  Life is a continung journey with lots of hills, valleys, and fields to explore and take the time to see it all.

We have been talking a lot about retirement and while it is a ways away for me at least, I am just as excited and looking forward to spending time doing whatever I want to do.

Two Days in a Row?

This is shocking.  I am doing a blog entry two days in a row.  I guess I just feel like talking to myself. 

I have gotten another head cold, throat sore, thingy going on and hate it.  I have my 6 month checkup with Dr. Z on Friday and really would like not to be sick.  I have been working out every day doing Insanity 5 to 6 days, and then the day of rest I have been getting in some time on the treadmill which is just not as hard a the video workout but still moving my body.  I feel so much better both physically and mentally.  I also have a sense of accomplishment.  I am happy I can just exercise this hard with the continued issues I will probably always have.

I have an appointment with Dr. Logan later this month but he will just tell me how wonderful everything looks - and it does - which is why it is so hard to explain how it feels.  I don't have any bulging like a hernia, no open sores, everything has healed well and I have suck in my abs like anyone else.  I am building my other set of abdominal muscles to compensate for the the loss and other than doing a full sit up I think i am functioning pretty close to normal - whatever that is. 

I have been letting my hair grow and that has been an adventure.  It just does not grow fast (never has) but I like having something to change up.  The short hard was really easy but the same after awhile.  I always get bored with my hair really fast.  With the warmer weather coming the humidity will be back in the air and I can curl my hair a little more. 

Well, I see it is now 7:00 a.m. so time for me to pack up and head out the door to Centreville.  Have two meetings back to back this morning and then some open time to catch up on the list of to do's that I have.  EDM is coming and I have no sense if we are at all ready.

See you all later.

A New Year and More

Wow, it seems like time has flown by since my last post.  It is January 12, 2013 and I am ready for Spring.  I had my two year anniversary on December 30, 2012 and have three more years to go until that five year mark.  I have been reading articles that indicate 10 years of Tamoxifen has better long term results than 5 years so it will be interesting to see what Dr. Z says about that.  I do not see her until February for my officail 2 year check up and will continue to see her every 6 months until the 5 year mark when it goes annual.  I also have my one year check up with Dr. Logan in March for my reconstructive surgery.  The stitches have pretty much healed and now I just have the normal issues as it has little feeling in much of the spots yet some areas are tingly, and then the wrong bra results in deep marks that I cannot feel until I change clothes.  My abs are tight as always and I have been having some massages to help but it does not change the daily tightness and nerve ending engagement.  I do believe this is just the way it will be and normally I make it thru the day okay but come the end of the evening I am ready to be off my feet when is the only time I am without the sensation.  I can also feel the muscle that was used from my ab that was turned back and folded over and I have to be careful about the bra as it rubs it and irritates it.

Things at work continue to be chaotic and dealing with two counties seems to be so time consuming I struggle to do a good job in either county.  I am so hoping my health continues to be okay so I can fully plan to retire in 2016 because that is what keeps me going in every day.  So, for right now I will plan another vacation and look forward to traveling again, and then wait for Spring when I can get back outside in the yard, and just enjoy what is around me every day. 

I do have to comment the weather in Michigan is quite unusual with it being 51 degrees on January 12th.  But, snow and cold is moving back in to the area tonight.  It was nice to return home to what we know and see both Broghan and Bella.  Bella has been glued to my lap purring away and it is funny because she is such an independent cuss normally.  Don't know what the day will bring but groceries needs to be on the agenda sometime before Monday.  We ate pretty healthy this week and were active even is just walking.  I only sat by the pool once - mostly because I have been sick all week with either  sinus infection or head cold that Sharon shared.  I am feeling better today and the first morning I have not gotten up and started coughing and snorting for an hour to clear my head.  I have a headache but that could just be all the medication I have been on all week.  I always appreciate good health and really want mine back.  I promise to eat healthy, exercise, take my vitamins and take good care of myself.......