One More Little Stitch

I have found one learns so much when they are involved in a major medical issue.  I know more about breast cancer and treatment than I would ever think.  Now the reconstructive surgery has educated me more.  I last saw the nurse at Dr. Logan's office the last of October and she was suppose to look for and remove any stray stitches.  I actually found one and pulled it out while she was looking for tweezers and that was all she really did.  I found her to be rather uncomfortable looking closely at my reconstructed nipple which in reality looks rather perfect and odd.  So, as time as progressed there are numerous stitches that are not dissolving and so I have gone into nurse mode.  But, let me tell you it is very ackward trying to pull the stitch with tweeters and then take my very tiny and very sharp sissors to snip the stitch so it will pull out.  I currently have one stitch left out of about 5 of them and that puppy is on the bottom side of my new mega-nipple and I cannot see it without the use of a mirror and the thought of using sharp sissors in an area I cannot see except backwards in a mirror is not very comforting so that stitch is still there.  it does help that I have no feeling in that area so if I do nip myself it may bleed but it will not hurt.  :)  I do go back to see Dr. Logan one more time on the 12th of December and it worse comes to worse I can leave that last one until then and he can pull it out. 

I do wish he had reduced the reconstruction a little more but it is so much better than before that I really can't complain and I will not go through another surgery just to do a little tweaking again.  I will ask if I lose weight overall will I lose in that breast which is really just belly fat.  I have googled it (because that is what I do) and there is conflicting information about yes or no.

It is time to get ready for work as I am in Centreville and then in Berrien this afternoon so I will try to come back and write more later today or tomorrow.  

Two Days in a Row

After being so down for so long I decided to put a positive attitude into action.  I woke up Monday morning, put on my workout clothes, did some easy stretches, and then after my coffee went down to the treadmill and did 20 minutes.  Not a long time, not a hard walk, but 20 minutes.  Tuesday morning I got up, had my coffee, put on my workout clothes and went to SMC and did the BodyPump class at 6:30 and it was a great workout.  All my muscles were shaky and there were some things I opted out of doing and those reps I did were with very light weights.  I will do some stretches through the day to keep that area moving and then I have a massage at 2:45 p.m. today - wow!

I had some oatmeal wtih blueberries for breakfast and find the less I eat the better I feel so I am working on that.  I am still eating but small amounts thru the day so it does not blow up my stomach or at least make it feel that way. 

I go to have the bandage changed and hopefully removed so the stitches can finish healing in the open air.  I do need to go bra shopping again and try to find some really, really, comfortable bras that do not leave marks across my reconstruct.  I don't like the Lane Bryant ones I bought and will try a different style.  I am also not a DDD on the right side so it should be easier to find some options.  I probably am still a DD and a D depending on the style of bra.  So now that I have shared, I think I will go finish dishes, and then stretch it all out.

I hope everyone makes the decision to go vote and express yourself.  Otherwise, a few people get to make really big decisions for us all.

A Better Day

I am sitting in the living room watching Food Network after watching the Bears win big.  I am feeling a little more positive than some of my past blog entries.  I think I will take advantage of the time change, set out my workout clothes and hit the treadmill in the morning instead of going into work at 6:00 a.m. which I fear I may do because I will be up, awake, and ready.  Then Tuesday, since we are closed, I will go in to SMC and take Michele's 6:30 body pump class.  I also will set up my area for yoga and begin to do my stretches and exercises again to see if I can regain some flexibility that I when I was doing my physical therapy. 

So, I will report back so you know how I am doing.  What I do know is lying around is not making my abs better, and my back is beginning to hurt more again as well.

I go back to see the nurse on Wednesday morning and hope the healing is going well.  I have not really seen the scars yet and am not looking forward to that portion.  I was hoping he was going to take a large section of the skin out but I can tell from the bandages that did not happen.  I am ready to be over all of this and move on.  I know the abs will always be an issue but I need I make the most of what I have, I can't go back, and then get to be the best me I can be with my limitations.  I have a lot of life to look forward to, I have a home I love, family I cherish, a sense of self that I want to experience.  I want to do an actual written bucket list and then experience everything on that list. 

So, do I have you motivated and pumped and ready to do it all?  I now just need to walk into the kitchen and check the dryer.  I might even pop some popcorn as my Sunday evening meal.  That was the family tradition in the Glynn household - our Sunday evening meal was popcorn and something sweet.  

Here is to a new tomorrow!

Just taking it one day at a time.

Went to see Dr. Logan and he changed the dressing and ripped off the steri-strips.  I am still pretty bruised and the reconstruction looks gross to me but as always, Dr. Logan was in awe how good it looked.  I must wear dark shades whenever I go to his office because I do not see the same thing he does. 

He did say things looked good, the right side did look a little larger than the left and even when the swelling was gone it still may be a little bit bigger.  Trust me, it is so much smaller than it was I think I can live with a "little" bigger.  This happens in nature so I can deal with it.  I go back to see the nurse in a week to have my incisions checked and to remove any other stitches that may make their way to the surface.  Then I see Dr. Logan in a month for that follow up. 

The incision on my leg looks a little out of wack - pulling in an area and deformed but given where it is located not many people will ever see that area.  I am feeling pretty down and not sure what is going on.  I find myself just sitting and stretching my abs and wondering where will this lead me.  I am not sure if I will get any better than I am and I am fighting emotions and some sense of depression.

Time to head out the door to work which is another blog.  All I can say is I am happy to be counting down to retirement and not looking at 20 more years in the agency.  Life is really short and trying to please people all day long with little success is wearing on me.  So, do I have you depressed yet?

Tomorrow will be a better day and as always - today could be worse - I have been there.  :)

Early Morning

It was a long day at work and I was not feeling well at all.  I was sick to my stomach for much of the day and had a dull headache, came home at noon and tried to sleep for an hour, went back to work for a conference call, and I did make it to 4:00.  But, I came home and immediately changed my clothes took off my dressing on my leg and put on my support garmet for my chest.  I have a huge solid black area from surgery and I am sore when I move around.  I wanted nothing to eat for dinner, had some tea and water and went to bed with 2 pain pills at 9:00 a.m.   I slept pretty good and woke up this morning feeling much better.

I have already done some housework, laundry, dishes, cleaned out the fridge, cleaned out the cat box, took trash out and am thinking of doing some cooking to have some left overs for the rests of the weekend.  My weight is down a few pounds but I have not been eating much.  I think I under estimated how much the surgery zapped out of me just because it did not put me down and out.  I am very curious to see what the results of the reconstruction and how much of the initial patch is left. 

I see Dr. Logan on Monday and I assume he will remove the bandage and just leave the steri- strips for the stitches to continue to dissolve.  I will also assume I will return to see him one more time in this process and then probably a follow up in a few months.  I would love to continue to lose weight and that will be my next goal.  Work out in the morning when I know I feel the best, and then I can just crash after work instead of feeling guilty for not going to work out.

My abs are still tight and weird and I am just accepting that as part of the rest of my life.  I did make an appointment for a swedish message and facial and will talk with Erin about doing some holistic massage on my abs/scar to see if she can help give me some relief. 

If the bra fits - wear it.

I took a shower this morning and it felt wonderful.  I did not soak under the spray as I did not want my bandages to get soaking wet but did wash my hair and gave my body a good rinse off.  Then I picked out some comfy clothes that are okay for work, put a dressing on my leg incision so I could wear panties without it rubbing and breaking stitches and put on a bra that sI eems to fit much better.

I still think the right side is larger but some of that is swelling from surgery and I think over time it will continue to reduce a little to a close matching pair.  I am going to ask the doctor about losing weight.  I normally lose weight starting from my waist up and that reduces my bra size.  I wonder if the reconstructed side (which is just my body fat) will lose volume as well.  I have read both ways and will be interested to hear what he thinks.

I am opening the office in Cass today and will try to be there all day.  If not, I will come home and work mobile so I am available.  I have not done much more than lay around for the last two days so I hope my stamina will help me make it through the day.

That's What I'm Talking About

I am on day two after my surgery and I think I am feeling better.  My groin incision does not hurt except when the dressing rubs against it and the tape is also an issue.  My right reconstruction was very sore and is still some sore but improving.  I think it still looks bigger that the left side but I do realize it is swollen and will reduce a little more.  I have not taken off any of those dressings and I won't until I go Monday and let Dr. Logan do it.  I have a fear that if I were to sneak a peak my new nipple would rip off - so I am good just waiting.

I do plan to go to work tomorrow as all I will need to do is still in my office.  If I get too tired or uncomfortable I will just pack up my computer and work from home.  Being mobile is a good thing.  Payroll is due today so I can go into the network on my other computer and approve my direct staff timesheets and do whatever else I need. 

The weekend will be just two more days of taking it easy and I should be fit as a fiddle (okay, maybe an old fiddle) and looking forward to the holidays coming.