Where Have I Been?

I had no idea it has been over a month since I have posted.  My outpatient surgery is next week (actually one week from tomorrow) and I hope to just stay home for several days (over the weekend) and be ready for work on the 29th.  I am putting on weight and feeling a little out of control and wanting to make a change in that regard.  I do find myself coming home after work and stretching out in the chair and there I stay for the evening.  If I stay busy right after work, run an errand or putts around the house I do better, but once I go down I am down for the count. 

I do look forward to some balance and hope to wear more things in my closet.  Right now some things really emphasis the difference in size (or at least in my mind) so I do not wear stuff.  I also tend to wear things bigger and baggy which does not help with the look in the mirror.  So, I am back to trying to eat proper, quick snacking, follow a plan, and exercise.  One of these days I will put all of these things into play.  :)

I am having some tingling in my left hand, two fingers actually - my little finger and my ring finger.  It feels like they are just beginning to fall sleep but I cannot rub the circulation back into them.  I don't know if this is from the chemo (neuropathy I had) or something else.  I see Dr. Patel again in November and I will talk with her about it then.  I have been taking my medication faithfully, and my added vitamin/supplements which are actually hard to take very day just because of the size of the flipping pills.   I gag some days if I don't get enough water to swallow.  I am hoping these will make a difference.  However, if I would lose the 15 pounds she wanted me to lose and exercise every day those two items could make the most difference.  So, what will it be?  

So, has it been obvious that I have not mentioned my abs?  Why you wonder? I seem to be so centered on that subject I am trying to move on and take that out of the equation.  I still have tightness and discomfort.  The last few days it seems like less but I don't really know that.  I did go to physical therapy for two sessions, missed my last session, and Melissa sent me some additional exercises.  Again, I think when I was faithfully doing my stretches and strengthening exercises I was doing better. 

There are lots of things I need to re-evaluate and try to determine why I am not taking better care of myself.  My extra weight is a big risk factor for reoccurrence of cancer.  My other over all health is effected by the weight, my blood pressure, and just strength.  I want to make a re-committment to a better more healthy life style.  I am so proud of Cathy and her new found passion for exercise and I want to get back that feeling.  I love Zumba, I love Yoga, I love to lift weights and work out yet, I can't get myself up out of this chair. 

Enough whining - I hope to use next week's surgery as the catalyst for moving forward finally.  The procedure should be the last with Dr. Logan, a few follow ups, and then put that part of my recovery behind me and begin the next chapter.  I go back to Dr. Z in February which will be over my 2 year anniversary (12/30/12) and not sure if I switch to one year or stay at 6 months.  I also think at 2-1/2 years I come off tamoxifen and go on another inhibitor which I hope will reduce or take away the hot flashes and other side effects that cause me grief. 

Yet, when all is said and done, I am blessed to have each new day no matter what the challenge it brings because it is not my time to leave.  I embrace all that is there for me to experience and go to sleep every night looking forward to waking up even if it is 4:00 a.m.    :)