What a Great Day

Maybe it is all in my head and that is okay. I am feeling wonderful.  Chemo is over and it was fast and not a sad time at all to say goodbye to my nurses.    Came home and had a visit from an old friend and we cried and laughed and shared memories for 9 hours.   Had a good burger from Inn Betwen and a bottle of red wine.  Then I went to bed and slept until 7:00 a.m this morning.  Unheard of and no I was not drunk (one small glass of wine is all I had)  But I actually snuggled in and didn't get up until 7:45.   I feel so renewed and ready for life.  Now maybe tomorrow the fatigue will hit (which is usually when it does) but today I will enjoy my energy.  I am already planning on my healthy eating and beginning to workout a little more.  Green tea, fresh oranges, dry toast, one egg in olive oil.  Yum.

It is weird that on December 31st there is a thunderstorm happening outside.  I would like to soak in the hot tub before the ND game today but not in the lighting and rain.  I don't want to press my luck too much.  :-)

I plan to take a photo tomorrow - January 1st and then a photo the 1st of every month to come just to track my look.  See my hair grow and see if my patchy face improves and hopefully lose weight too.  I could do with a 25 pound reduction.

Well, enough for today, enjoy every moment,  Life is Good.

Today is the Day

It seems like it has taken forever but got here in a flash.  Chemo started Thursday August 19th and today, December 30th, I will receive my last of 16 treatments.  I can say the end is here just in time because I feel like my body is falling apart, and the weekly treatments are beginning to take their toll on my entire being.  I am so ready for the passing of each new day toward a healthier toxic free body but the process was necessary to help secure my well being in the future.  This is one last time I will NOT be sad about like yesterday.  

The Day Before

Treatment and all through the house, not a creature was stirring not Joe or his spouse.   Okay, so I am stirring but no one else is.  The house is cold so I need to turn up the heat.  I have been feeling stressed but I think it is a combinatio of things including retirement and people leaving the office.  My fingers and toes are better and again I think it is the B-6.  My nose is the same but my BP is still up and down.  I am falling apart.........but the end is near and soon things will all turn around and I will become the healthy, fit, 55 year old ready to take on a half-marathon, Zumba, Yoga, and anything else thrown my way.  HeeHaw!

Last Tuesday in 2010

So the days count down but in the meantime I try to take care of business at work.  I did go to the drug store and got by Vitamin B-6 to help with the tingling and I think it has helped already.  My BP is still way up 150/84 but I will continue to monitor and let the New Year come in and see if I can't begin to regain control over it.  The worse that will happen is I will go see the doctor and get on BP medication.  I think it is a combination of everything and with a change in my diet/nutrition and get off my butt and exercise I will get better numbers.

It is going on 6:00 a.m. so time to hit the shower, dress in my jeans, and head to Centreville to say good bye to many people over there. 

Just Around the Corner

and the count down continues.  I am irritated at the numbness in my fingers and toes and then I realized by Vitamin B-6 has been gone for a few days and I never got more.  This morning I am off to Rite Aid and get some more B-6.  I think it made a big difference.  I felt better Sunday than I did Saturday and it is interesting how my body tells me what to do and not.  We met Shannon for breakfast before she left town, I did three full loads of laundry, picked up around the house, played with the new Christmas stuff, and went to bed about 9:00 pm feeling like I had an okay day. 

I am up and ready to start the week and see what adventure each day brings.  It is the best of times and the worst of times.........

The Day After

I think Christmas Day got the best of me - I didn't move from my chair all day.  I watched House Hunters for hours.  I was just feeling punk, eyes puffy, headachy.   I felt like this last Sunday too.  I am feeling better so far this morning, and will make myself get up and around and do some things.  I think some of this is mind over matter - if it matters to me I don't mind getting up and doing it.  :-)   I just made a joke. 

The numbness in my fingers and feet continues, my chest is numb and I think it is from the port use.  That comes and goes depending on my activity for the day.  I am plugged up at night so breathing through my mouth drying out my lips and throat, waking up, drinking water, and starting all over again. 

Wow, I am very whiny this morning.  I do like having an extra day after the Holiday to continue to enjoy being home.  Many times this is a back to work day.  Off to put a load of clothes in the washer......

Christmas 2010

We anticipate this day all year long and then it arrives and you are relieved when it is over.  I love watching the family all together just one night of the year to laugh, share stories, make memories, and take part it whatever is going on this particular night.  We went to church and watched Caiden in the Christmas program and memories of Carlos and Adam being young popped up like they were yesterday and I was mom and not grandma.  The years go fast and I know if you are 30 you don't think so - but be careful - you will wake up tomorrow and you will be 55.  Take nothing for granted, tell people you care about how you feel, have no regrets, and make the best choice you can at the time.  At the end of the day, just be a good person, no one can ask any more of you than that.

I know every day is a gift.  Oh, by the way - one more to go!!  Woohoo!

Merry Christmas Eve

Christmas Eve on a Friday changes the entire week and weekend.  I am feeling pretty good this morning so far and did well yesterday after chemo - I was just a little tired.  My blood pressure continues to be high and I took it last night it was 134/88 which was much improved compared to 172/109 at treatment.   I will continue to monitor it close and then see Dr. Patel after the New Year to see what long term to do if I can't regulate it through better nutrition and exercise.  I know I have lots of stress happening every where and while treatment is almost done then your mind set changes to prevention and reocurrence. 

For today, I will go shopping for last minute items, come home and bake my potates and then be done for the day.  Enjoy.

Ever so closer

and now it is Wednesday, the last day of this work week for State employees.  I actually don't have to take sick leave for chemo this week and am happy about that!  I am taking off early today because I have maxed out on my accumulated leave time.  I need to plan a vacation to use a few hours. 

My fingers and toes are still a numby mess but hoping it will all come to an end soon.  My hair on my head continues to grow just a tiny, ity, bity bit, but I will take it.  I keep pretending I can slick it down and move it side to side.  :-)

I think I will take a photo the 1st of each month just to track its growth.  I know some day I won't remember it being gone so I need pictures.  Christmas is just around the corner and although I do love the season, I love the day after just as much.  HoHoHo. 

And......

another day ahead of me.  I felt much better yesterday than I did Sunday.  Not sure why but I knew it as soon as I woke up.  I think I was just too busy over the weekend and not giving my body time to recover from chemo, especially since I had both drugs.  My fingers and toes are horrible lately more numb than usual and I only hope this goes away eventually.  Also, my skin looks bad, my face is blotchy, I am flushed, I feel puffy and ugh.  HoHoHo - sounds like a Christmas Carol type of story.

TGIM

I am glad to have the weekend done.  I felt like crap yesterday - stomach feeling weird, nose plugged up, and just generally feeling cranky and yuck.  I did wrap a couple packages, played with my new phone a little, and then soaked in the tub and went to Chuck and Shelley's house for a nice dinner.  Home before 7:00 and watched a little tv before heading upstairs about 9:30 p.m.   This morning I feel better already but not back to my perky self.  My guess is the BEVA from Friday and if I look back at the pattern I could probably support this theory, but since I am done with BEVA  it doesn't really matter.  Thursday I go for my 11th treatment in this cycle, and it is count down to kick-off.  I have a Cass board meeting this morning, St. Joe board meeting tomorrow, and then the disciplinary conference with the new supervisor tomorrow.  My blood pressure has been up for the last week and continues to be high.  I don't think it will come down until after the Holidays and if not then, I will follow up with Dr. Patel and see what she thinks. 

Day After

but it really feels just like any other day.  Actually, I slept all night not waking up until 3:50 so that was better.  Must have been because I went to work instead of staying home and watching tv or napping.  I will wait for the usual things like flushed face, some more taste bud problems, and some of the other regular things I have grown way too accustomed to dealing with like they are normal.  Uhm, normal, not sure what that even looks like........

And then there were 2

Treatment went fine this morning and seemed pretty quick.  Saw Dr. Z too.  Everything continues to go well and I will meet with her in January to review every thing that has been going on, and where we go from here since treatment is done in two weeks.

The clinical trial was unblinded and I have been receiving the BEVA (Avastin) all through treatment which I think we all felt I was based upon the side affects, bloody nose, taste bud problems, etc.  I was in the 2nd arm of the trial and did not get randomized to see if I continue or not.  I am officially done with the BEVA and my next two treatments will only be the Taxol.  Lots of questions for Dr. Z and I will begin to do a list so I don't forget. 

I bought a couple new nutrition and cook books because I have been reading lots of better health and I think I am going to go vegan and all natural.   Yes I am - okay maybe NOT!   But I am going to pay much closer attention and get as healthy as I can.  It may not keep reoccurence from happening but it will sure make treatment much easier to deal with and I have found first hand how important that is.  My hair continues to grow out alittle and I have not been wearing hats at work.  I am getting a lot more conversation from co-workers, etc.  I think they feel if I am unveiling my head I must be ready to make it more open and public.  Like I was trying to hide under my hat so I didn't have to address it.  Really, I was just concerned about how weird I looked with a bald shiny head.  My hair still looks weird, it just is not totally bald and shiny. 

Wow, I seem to have lots to talk about.  I am feeling ready for the turn around and one less thing to be anxious about. I was fearful I would be selected to continue to BEVA for another 6 months and then have to make a decision which I would probably have decided to continue because that is who I am.  I think I just received a message from above telling me I have done good, and it is my turn to move on for myself.

I continue to appreciate and thank all of you you keep me in your thoughts and prayers.  Nothing more powerful then people getting together and thinking positive.

Anticipation

The end of chemo is so close I can see it in my head.  I only hope I am not in the 3rd arm of the clinical trial which continues with the BEVA.  I still have the big nose issues snorting out big scabs all the time and just feeling like I can't breath.........  I also really want a little more hair.  Now it has grown a little I am ready to see the color and see it even an inch long to see the difference.  I have not been wearing a hat at work this week and the reaction from co-workers and staff is interesting.  They are much more open to asking questions and talking about it - like when I took off my hat it was my signal that I was on the road to recovery when in fact I am just tired of wearing the hat.

Cancer is a very "elephant in the room" type of topic and personal for many people not wanting to share.  Everyone deals with it different - there is no right way or wrong way - just your way.

Last day of work this week cuz chemo and clinical trial drug tomorrow.  I also see Dr. Z.   I will also need to have echogram and EKG done next week.  I am putting together my question for Dr. Z to see where I go when treatment is done. 

What Day is it anyway?

I am running out of titles because things continue to be status quo - and that is good.  It is Tuesday, and I am headed to Centreville, no real weather issue today, busy day, and then back to Cass tomorrow.  As always, before I know it Friday will be here and time for treatment.  Went to Lindy's last night for Christmas Party for LCISD where Joe is on the Board.  Afterwards a man came up and hugged me, saying he was a cancer person too.  He had big tears in his eyes and talked about 6 rounds of chemo.  He was very emotional and appears to be in a much larger battle than I am and I was a little taken aback.  He has a team from University of Chicago which also tells me he has a different battle.  Bless all the cancer survivors and those in treatment right now.  Life is very precious - every second.

Today

is another Monday and glad to have them.  I feel better this morning, more like I accomplished some things yesterday and took some pressure off to do more for the holidays.  I came across a blog last night by Jennifer Griffin who is a report for Fox TV.  She was diagnosed with tnbc (triple negtive breast cancer) at age 40 last year and she blogged about it including chemo, surgery, radiation, and how she managed otherwise, and the continued education on tnbc.  She also talked alot about exercise and diet and low glycemic index, etc.  Time for me to take a more serious look at my food.  I am also wondering if I would have had the tnbc diagnosis in June if Dr. Z would have discussed a bi-lateral mastectomy more.......and wonder why it isn't being discussed even now.  Why go through reduction and reconstruction if removal and reconstruction is the more sound treatment option.  It will be a discussion I have Friday with her since I see her then, and have my clinical trial unblinded. 

Lots of information and it really isn't over, just will be changing direction.   But, I will be okay - I am back to that feeling again and I appreciate it lots.

Snow Day

Seems like a good day just to hang around and do nothing.  I don't think I wrote yesterday but don't remember.  We went and did a little Christmas shopping and can say I did not enjoy it that much.  I was hot, could not breath and just felt all over exhausted.  I tend to believe I am just fine but in reality I am not in very good shape just from being inactive.  Right now I am real close to being in a bad mood and not sure why.  I look around the house and see piles of crap, Joe has bags of shredding and just lets sit and Bella gets into it and spreads it all over the house.  There are piles of mail, and just overall shit - excuse my French. 

I am ready to go through and do a clean out of lots of stuff and see if he even misses any of it.........UGH.........why am I so cranky?   Part of it is Elizabeth Edwards dying and being reminded that women are dying every day from breast cancer...and there are no guarantees.   The closer to the end of my treatment I get the closer I get to the journey of "will it come back".    I think a support group will be a good option after the first of the year - sounds like a need something.

TGIF

Actually, this week has gone by so fast, I can't believe it is already Friday.  I have treatment at 8:30 and then Joe is having a procedure at Unity Hospital and needs to be there by 12:00 noon.  We will go from my treatment to his procedure and then Sharon will meet up with us down there in case I am wanting to leave and come home.  I can drive fine - I just don't want to leave Joe alone.  I fully anticipate being fine and will take a book to read or something.  I have not had any problems with feeling bad or being so tired I want to sleep all day.  Actually, it has been the opposite, I have been wide awake and wanting to go do something.  After today there will only be 3 sessions left. 

I do feel sad about Elizabeth Edwards because it brings back the reality of re-occurrence and the fact that inspite of all you do, cancer returns and can return in full force.  Just the luck of the draw.  I won't worry about it until it becomes an issue.  I am to ready to be done and move forward to going back to normal.

Another week

is winding down and tomorrow is already Friday.  I have been so busy at work I can't keep track of the days but that one is always on my mind.  I have finally started taking my hat off at work - so far so good.  I have definite feet and finger issues and will be soooooooo happy for that last treatment done and start letting my body rid itself of the chemicals. 

Busy, busy, busy

Too busy to really pay any attention to myself.  That is actually a good thing.  I am going to find my Santa hat today and wear it with a green sweater, red turtle neck, to keep with the Christmas theme until I can figure out where I put all my other Christmas stuff.  The tingling in my fingers and toes is pretty strong first thing in the morning and I take 30 minutes to clear out my nose.  Last night I had plugged up nose and I thought I was getting a cold.  Then after some messing, I was able to blow out a huge dried blood clot - it felt so much better.  Simple things in life people - like a nose you can breath through!  Happy day to all.

A New Week

And the work week begins.  It will be busy every day with either meetings or other appointments. Today in Cass, management meetings, meet with supervisor regarding her issues, Tuesday is management meeting, webcast at courthouse, Wednesday is HSCC and Great Starts meetings in Cass, Thursday, is Director's Conf call and meeting with Liz P regarding parenting.  I am too busy to even think about myself - wow, before I know it Friday is here.

Snow

Here is am looking outside as the snow falls  This means I will get out my snow shoes and play in the snow.  I have my Holiday scents in the Scentsy pots, snow outside, the tree up, I feel like Christmas.  Nothing much happening but going to Christmas open houses requires me to gear up for them.  The topic of conversation is usually me so at least I have a little small talk.  Those people who don't know me  look at me weird as to why I have a hat on inside the house when it is like 90 degrees.  If my new grown hair was just a little longer I would go naked, but still a little too weird looking.    Next year I can look back and laugh about this Christmas season!  HoHoHo.  Bring on the egg nogg.

Count Down - 4

Four more to go - and I will take it one week at a time and not worry about the end.  NOT - come on - let's get this stuff done.  I'm sorry to wish away the holidays but I would love to wake up and have it be January 1st instead of December 4th.  :-)    Treatment went just fine - very busy with lots of people because the office was having their Christmas party in the afternoon.  Interesting to see some new people and interact with others. 

My hair does continue to grow a little and looks weird but I will still take something over nothing. I just know it will be months before it is really long enough to feel comfortable wearing no hat.  It has been 90 days since Cathy had her hair buzzed and it is still pretty short - although cute.  :-) 

Friday Already

It really has been a quick week given there were no days off.  I am headed to South Bend with Cathy this morning for an 8:00 a.m. treatment.  Joe has a meeting in Lansing and since I only have Taxol today, it should be a quick morning and back home at a good time.  I know I won't do much because I never do.  I have a couple movies taped, and may just do a little laundry, light some candles and enjoy the afternoon. 

Not much else......

Friday

I know - it's not really Friday, but because Thursday is my last day of work every week it feels like my Friday.  Then my Friday feels like a foreign day.  It will be very strange the first week in January that I work a five day work week.  I may not know how to function on that fifth day.  So you can tell I don't have much to write about this morning.   Nothing new and the same old, same old.   Whatever.

Mid-week

It is Wednesday already and actually more than mid-week for me - I have just tomorrow and then I am done for the week.  I have had a nose bleed twice out of the blue this week from my left nostril - strange.  I always need to have tissue with me and be careful blowing my nose.    Not much else going on - still have no taste and have continued to cut back on my food and be careful that I am not just eating to try and feel better.  If I can't taste it and it is not healthy - put it away. 

Snow and cold outside this morning so time to bundle up and continue to stay healthy as possible.  I am on the home stretch and don't want to mess it up now.  I came home late last night and tired so did nothing but snuggle up and watch some tv - not much activity this time of the year regardless of my health issues.

I had my photo in the Three Rivers Commercial press and it was a little unsettling.  I had on my black hat and pretty red poncho thing - but do I look bad.  I hope to get another photo in when my hair grows back!

Glad that is over

I am feeling so much better this morning.   I was actually a little worried when I was feeling so poor - that is just not my nature and was getting a little concerned I was on a down hill path.  I slept much better, I used my saline spray in my nose and laid propped up by pillows to help my breathing.  Only had to move Bella once in the night.  Also, my stomach feels better.  It has been eating all the junk food really adversely affecting my everything.  Now, I can get back to dealing with one day at a time and enjoying the time instead of dreading every hour.

Joe has a meeting on Friday so Cathy is riding to chemo with me.  It should be quick as it will only be my Taxol - I should be home by 11:00 and ready to watch some movies.  :-)

Thank you - I am sure I feel better because all my family and friends are thinking positive thoughts!! 

It's ok sometimes

to have a bad day - right?  I woke up feeling like crap.  I can't breath at night and wake up to drink water and try to rearrange myself.  Bella has been sleeping on me and that is not comfortable.  I had a slight headache yesterday and it was there still this morning.  I think I am eating way too much crap and it is showing - nothing tastes good so I eat whatever.  I bought some oranges and bananas at the store and hope that tastes okay.  Maybe just switch to fresh salads, etc. I might as well eat healthy if nothing tastes good anyway.  My fingers are very tingly this morning and I have numbness from my port like crazy.  Ugh!

I think I will try to walk at 4:00 as I am in Cass today - taking Broghan out - and then just head downstairs and put up the tree.  I know I will feel better when it is up.  I also need to just be a little more active - sitting in my chair all the time has become too easy.   

I am beginning to believe I don't feel as good as I think but feel better than I thought.  Right?  :-))

The Season has officially begun......

The Christmas season is here and I want to begin to think about decorating and cookie baking and wrapping presents and all the great things about this time of year.  I just have to balance it with treatment and the anxiety of being done.  The days will go by very fast and somehow add the Christmas stuff into all this - ugh!   I think I will put up the tree today after Adam and Aubs leave beause I need a little Christmas something.  It will make walking on the treadmill a little merrier too.  Hohoho - it is Christmas time!   I think will put out my lites on the porch too.    I do believe I am getting in the spirit of stuff.

I have problems sleeping at night not being able to breath and then my mouth getting so dry I wake up and then I need to drink water and struggle to go back to sleep.  I honestly think I would rather be bald than deal with the nose issue indefinitely.  

And then there were five

Because of the holiday, the Mishawaka office was open for chemo on Friday and it was a busy place.  Jackie was my nurse and I have had her several times in South Bend.  She actually lives in Sturgis and we have had several talks about St. Joseph County.   I was done by about 11:00 because I had the clinical trial drug so it took a little longer.   That finishes out the month of November and now we are truly into count down mode.   I did sleep during the entire treatment not really aware of much around me.  But, when I got home I was awake, and up until after 10:00 p.m. and then up at 3:00 a.m. this morning.  

I don't feel any other side effects, but will wait to see what will come.  I only need to use three more days of sick leave as the last two treatments fall on days off from work.  I do need to use a few hours of annual leave before year's end or I will lose them as I will be topped out of leave.  This has never happened to me before.  That number won't increase until I hit my 15th year anniversary and that won't be until 2012 so I need to use up a few days sometime and then plan a vacation later in the year after I have a better sense of this new job. 

Black Friday

So, the traditional day after Thanksgiving is here and instead of getting up early to go shopping, I am getting up and heading out for my weekly chemo treatment.  Because of the holiday, only one treatment center is open so we are going to the brand new facility on Douglas Road by the new hospital.  I am told it is "very nice" and it is closer to the mall so we may have to pop over and see the deals.  I really only have one thing I wanted to look at for Caiden and then maybe pop into Macy's to get some half off Kuerig coffee pods.  

I am really thinking about an iPad for Christmas/Birthday from myself...........if anyone wants to contribute just let me know and I will come collect.  :-)    I had a very nice day yesterday and as always ended up eating way too much - I'm glad I don't weigh-in today cuz it would be ugly. 

Time to start going downstairs on the Wii and start moving those hips doing the hula hoop and Segway game.  I also found the Sport games so I an bowl and play tennis.  Hey, a calorie burned is a calorie burned even if I look silly doing it.  I think the official Holiday Season is here.  I just hope I an fit into my clothes come January 1st - I know what my New Year's resolution will be...........

Happy Thanksgiving

What a difference a year makes......I am sitting here early in the morning.......looking forward to the day and while it will be just Joe and I most of the day......I am totally fine with that because I am on the road to recovery, feeling pretty darn good for all I have been through and looking forward to the future.

I saw Dr. Z yesterday and gained another 4 flippin' pounds......she is not concerned but I am and I want to get back to being me and working out and walking and having a goal other than just getting through my weekly chemo.  The closer to the end I get the more impatient I become.  So, I need to regroup, keep an eye on January 1st and the beginning of a New Year in so many ways.

I still have all the stuff, tingling hands and feet, dry nose, no taste, and I have spots of numbness from my port,  but  it will all be coming to an end and my goal for 2011is to be more healthy than ever before and the best physical shape I can be as a 55 year old woman.  Bring it on!

Just Noticed That

This morning I realized several things, my sense of taste is greatly affected - everything tastes kinda like metal.  I have had to add lemon juice to my water so I can tolerate the taste.  Then, my sense of smell is really off too.  Finally, the tingly in my hands and feet has become more prominent - not disabling - just more present.  I also see that my hair is growing on my head but strange - looks like white hair and like it is electrified and weird........maybe I am just being too observant.

The Holiday Season

I think this week officially starts the Holiday season, especially since it is a 3 day week, and then Black Friday, etc.   I am not doing Black Friday since chemo is at 8:30 a.m. but I probably will hit a store or two on the way home before I nap. 

I plan to call Dr. Thompson's office again today and get a prescription.  Then I will contact River Bend Cancer Services and take advantage of the services they offer.  Today I will meet the Cass DHS Board with Chris, I know 2 of the 3 already and Iw ill be happy to have that over.  Tuesday is the St. Joe DHS Board and I don't know any of them.  Going to be an interesting week.

I have tingling in my hands more than in the beginning, but not enough to cause any problems.  I also don't feel much soreness from my lite workout - I will do that again after work.  Maybe my 30 minutes will come outside with Broghan - that would be good for him and me.

Two blogs in one day.........

I just had to add another entry today.  I actually went downstairs, did 30 minutes on the treadmill listening to a BOT, then did a few lite weights and some ab work.  It was a good feeling and I hope I can build upon this.  I took it easy and will continue to do so - my goal is not to break a body soaking sweat, just increase my heart rate a little, and begin to burn some of the extra calories I am putting on.    I don't want to buy any "big" clothes.

Fall is in the Air

So, what is there to say?   I don't have much except I tend to procrastinate about beginning to work out and not sure why.  I did go downstairs and set up the treadmill, pulled out the smaller hand weights, and charged up my iPod.  All I have to do is actually put on my clothes, shoes, and just walk down the steps.  I know once I did it 1x - I would be right back to it - so what is holding me back? 

I am even thinking about another wig today and not sure why.  I guess I am missing hair and when I see someone's pretty hair I long for mine.  I don't want to spend a lot of money, but if it was a nice one with a cute style I could wear it even after my hair came back to change from short, to long, to medium depending on my fancy - right?   I am watching QVC this morning - time to get the paper and begin this great day.

Yippy!

While at treatment yesterday the research nurse brought me the December calendar and they did change my last two treatments to Thursdays.  So that means I don't have to miss but 3 more Fridays of work, because the office is closed Dec 23 and 30.  It also means that my last treatment is December 30th, and that New Year's Eve will truly be a celebration for Joe and I this year.  I am very happy..........  On December 17th the clinic trial will be unblinded. This means I will find out if I have been getting the placebo or the drug and if I have been getting the BEVA if I am in the next arm to continue the Beva.  If yes, I would continue treatment once every 3 weeks for I believe another 6 months.  Now, that will be the time I will make a decision to continue with the clinical trial or decide to end my portion there as my actual treatment will be over. 

It will be a difficult decision and one I will not worry about until the time comes.   In the meantime, I will just look forward the completion of what I know.  

Yes......?

It has been a good (but long) week and I am ready to get another treatment off the list.  I can say I am getting tired of going.  I wished I wasn't so tired afterward so I could just drive myself.   I do enjoy my time with Joe and to be honest this entire process has brought us so much closer that I never imagined having this type of relationship with him.  We have only had one real conflict and this happened early in the process when we first started getting all the information and the topice of bi-lateral mastectomy was mentioned.  Since that conversation, we have not had one (or even two) cross words.  Maybe that is another positive from a negative.  :-)

I will be half way done after today, next week is short with board meetings on Monday and Tuesday, off on Wednesday for Dr. Z and then the 2 day holiday.  Wow, soon it is December.

I still take one day at a time and don't get too overloaded with any one thing.  Time for more coffee.

Week Is Over Again

So the weeks seem to fly by like days used to - sign of getting older?  Last day of work this week and I have mixed feelings because I like 4 day weeks!  :-)   I will be down to the last 6 treatments after tomorrow.  Funny how I am always looking at the next number.  I have 7 more treatments right now but after tomorrow down to 6 so that means I am already thinking about 5!   The one problem I am having - I am getting fat!  I have never felt so fat!  My mid-section is just packing on the fat - which is one area I have never really had a problem with - usually falls to my hips.  This morning I weighed in 10 pounds heavier than 2 months ago.  So I guess the days of eating whatever just to try and keep weight on is over and time to take better care of myself.  I don't have cravings any more, I have no reason not to be more active, and while a lot of stuff doesn't taste good (my taste buds are still out of wack) I like the taste of salads, etc.   So Cindy, get out of your nice new leather chair, and move this weight off........

Hump Day

Actually, it is more than that since I only work 4 day weeks lately.  Headed to Centreville for the day, work on spreadsheets, and deal with personnel crap.  I am feeling well and don't know why.  Maybe I am entitled to a slump day just because.  I will take it.  I looked at my hair close and it looks like the white fuzz is growing a little.  At this point I would take white hair - it could be my new conversation piece!

The Nose Knows

and that is all I have to say about it.

Watch Out Deer

This is the time of year when it is dangerous to drive down the road beause the hunters in the woods scare the deer into running across the fields right into the side of cars.  I have been lucky not to hit a deer, ever.  I always think about all the medical treatments I am undergoing and how my odds of being killed in a car accident are higher.  I don't know if that makes me feel better or worse.  :)  

Full work week except for treatment and then next week is short again.  Had a tough day yesterday and not sure why.  Just not feeling "normal" whatever that means.  I hope getting up and out to work will help, or at least take my mind off my issues.  I know part of the problem is looking in the mirror and getting really, really, tired of the face looking back.  7 more treatments - let's get them done!

November

I just realized it is almost the middle of the month already.  Tomorrow is opening for deer hunting - unbelieveable how fast the days are going by.  It is about mid-day and I have on my exercise clothes to go down stairs and walk on the treadmill for 30 minutes, do a few light weights, and start doing this workout thing!  I keep talking about it and now need to put it into action.  My nose continues to do a little better and I actually slept from about 10:00 p.m. until 6:00 a.m. with just a few times of waking up and then back to sleep.  However, I did not take a nap all day and stayed pretty active.  Ugh - I guess that is the answer - no more afternoon napping.  :-)

My eye lashes continue to thin out and it only makes me look like I am sick - I'm not really - or at least I don't think I am.  Maybe I won't really know that I feel bad until I am done with treatment and then I can compare.

I think I am rambling because I don't really have anything to talk about.  See ya tomorrow.

Interesting Day

Treatment was quick on Friday even with having lab work.  I was done by 10:30 and had to wait for Joe to shut down the computer.  I was very tired though - the Benadryl does a job on me and I came home and watched a movie and slept some.  By 5:00 p,m, I was feeling pretty and started moving around and doing some housework.  I had no nose bleeds all day and that is quite an accomplishment.  I did do some work from Groupwise but nothing much going on at the office. 

I am writing this Blog at 2:30 a.m. Saturday as I have been up for awhile - just can't sleep with all the office stuff on my mind.......I guess it is time to seriously look at working out and being much more active thru the day and hoping to sleep at night.  I have never had a problem sleeping before. 

I am down to 7 more treatments and for some reason things seem to be dragging.  Next week is a longer week with no holidays - darn!  Then of course Thanksgiving week - I have a Dr. Z appointment at 10:30 am on the 24th, but will return to Cass to work.  Then Thursda off, Friday is chemo, and the weekend. 

Well, time to go see if I can get some more shut eye.

Up Already

So, I have the day off for Veteran's Day and at 2:00 a.m. I am wide awake thinking about work stuff. Ugh.  I seem to spend all my time dealing with personnel issues and conflict between people instead of just having people do their work.  I was in staff meetings most of the day, then had a meeting with the contract administrator when my nose started to bleed and I felt bad but it is what it is.  Then my phone rang, I turned to answer it and was alittle irritated with the caller, when I turned around the administrator was gone.  I would have run too.  I have to be so careful of my nose lately.  Hope that will end when chemo is done.   I have treatment tomorrow and just ready to get another one done.  I have so much to do and this treatment stuff is getting in the way.  :-)  I guess it's a good thing when I don't have any thoughts about dying.  I am more worried about living and having all this crap to take care of. 

I hope I can find something to spend my money on in Michigan City today.  Caiden, Joe and I are headed that way early. 

Not Really a Big Deal

Spent the day Tuesday in Lansing with Chris and never once did my medical status come up in any conversation with him or any one else at the meeting.  What a wonderful day.  Now I do believe that some e-mails and/or phone calls will be exchanged in the next day or two for people I saw and was a little taken aback but otherwise, it was a great day of just concentrating on business.  I am looking forward to getting back to that status quo.  

As of December 12th I will be "Acting Director" for Cass/St. Joseph DHS and it seems surreal and not sure how I got here.  I know there will be a number of applicants actually applying for the position when the process gets to that point, but in the meantime, I will take every opportunity to do the best job I can, learn everything there is, and go for the permanent appointment when available.

Oh, and it is already mid-week, tomorrow we are off for Veteran's Day and then Friday is my chemo.  Bring it on.

What Can I Say?

Nothing - slept good, walked last night after work, headed to Lansing today with Chris.  Looking forward to a new challenge at work and ready to put all this chemo stuff behind me - all in due time.  Enjoy the day.

What's Up?

Monday morning, busy weekend done, short week ahead, weather suppose to be pretty good for November.  That's all.

N/A

I just don't have anything to report.  I never did go workout but not because I felt bad or anything, just too darn cold outside and then got busy doing other things around the house.  We went out to dinner last night which I don't do much just because I don't like being around large groups (trying to stay away from colds/flu) and then out seeing people for the first time and having to "go there" with them.  But, it was a nice meal and I ate healthy too.  Only one person came over and inquired. 

I love it when people tell me I look great - uhm, compared to what?  heeheehee.   I will enjoy this great Sunday and look forward to a busy week. 

New Topic

I think I am going to change topics for my blog.  I don't seem to have anything to report.  Even my nose has been doing better.  Other than no hair, I am doing very well and am ready to start working out and lifting weights with the blessing of Dr. Z. 

I put a new battery in my pedometer so I can start getting in those 10,000 steps a day.  Maybe if I get a little more active I can sleep better because I am only getting about 5 hours a night and that is so not me.  It is finally 5:00 a.m. and I have been up since 3:00. 

4 Down 8 More To Go

Home before noon and I even had the extra clinic trial drug.  Helps when I do blood work earlier in the week.  But really, where else am I going after chemo?  I have been sitting and watching the snow fall (very cool) and watching some TV.   I watched "My Sister's Keeper" and was interested to see the ending of the movie is totally different than the book.  Oh well.  

I have no headache, to tummy ache, no ache of any kind.  Am doing some laundry, but not much else.  I think I will go workout at 911 center tomorrow and just start the light weight routine and a little steeper action.  Time to get back to normal.

Friday

Treatment at 8:30 and hopefully back home by noon.  Not much planned and just hope I continue to feel good like the past few treatments.   ND has a bye so no games to really watch, and not sure what the weather will be.  I have the go ahead to work out so time to get myself on a plan and begin taking even better care of myself. 

I think my nose is even getting better - wow - I do believe I am turning the corner. 

Another appointment

So Dr. Z could not see me Friday so I went to see her yesterday.  Had blood work too so Friday should be a quicker treatment.  All numbers look good, no issues, got the okay to workout and lift weights - just take it slow, do lots of stretching, and keep hydrated.  I have started to put on some weight as my stomach adjusts and  don't want it to get out of control.  I also haven't lifted weights in a very long time and feel like I am becoming mushy.  So, I will try to put together a routine that will meet my needs for right now, burn some calories, build some muscle and keep me healthy.  I have downloaded a couple meditation tapes to help with relaxation, and I want to get a simple Yoga routine for morning and/or evening stretching, and then about a 30 minute light weight routine to use 3-4 times a week. 

I am feeling pretty normal but when I look in the mirror it is scary.  My eyebrows have become very thin and my lower eye lashes are almost gone except for a little fuzz so not much for my mascara to hang onto.

I am getting a little tired of looking at that face - it doesn't match how I feel.  Well, off to work in Centreville and then chemo tomorrow.  Here comes the weekend already. 

The Next Day

After the Republicans balance the budget, erase the deficit, find jobs for the unemployed, and stablize the economy, I wonder if they can find a cure for cancer.  Ugh, at least the campaign ads are over awhile.   The only thing that continues to be a pain is my nose.  It is dry and cracks and bleeds, and then gets scabbed over and then feels horrible inside my nose and I mess with it, finally I am able to blow my nose and all the "stuff" comes out and then it starts all over again.  Eventually at night I end up breathing through my mouth which dries that out and I wake up and drink water to wet my whistle, and then I have to go to the potty.  NO wonder I wake up and get up at 3:00 a.m.  Easier to take a nap then to stay asleep.

Tomorrow is the last day of the week and then treatment - after Friday I will be down to 8. 

Election Day

I almost forgot to write in my Blog this morning as I am more focused on going into the office and letting in a worker, then heading to Kohl's to do some shopping, then getting some groceries and hopefully home by noon to do a few things around the house.  I am way too busy to be thinking about the big "C".  Time to move on past this.......oh yes - I need to go vote too.   I am sure if the Republicans take back control things will be all better.  :-)

New Month

Time to change the calendar to November.  Can't believe how fast the days have gone by considering I started my first chemo August 19th.  I know I keep saying this but I have 9 more to go and Friday is just around the corner.  I know this is going to go very fast and before I know it 2011 will be here and a new adventure both personally and professionally.  We are definitely going to Florida in January just to get away and I will request the time off from Chris before he leaves.  Whether or not I will use it all is yet to be seen.  Hopefully in the next few weeks Cass/St. Joe will know what is happening and that will make me feel a little more reassured I have a job.  I am not worried about being director, just about being able to work like I have been.  I have anywhere from 3 to 5 years to work before retiring and would like to make as much money as I can.  :-)   Interesting how I talk about things other than my cancer - that's a good thing. 

Happy Halloween

Boo - just think of the cool costume I could have worn this year!  Uncle Fester, Mr. Clean, Mr. Potato Head...........Every day is an adventure and I wonder what today will bring me.  I think the car is going to storage for the winter,  I am going to get a few groceries - not much - just some salad stuff, and healthy stuff.  The week is going to be chaotic - Cass on Monday, off on Tuesday, Wednesday in Centreville but Dr. Z appointment at 1:30, Thursday in Centreville and Friday off for chemo.  Wow, that was a quick week!

Gone Today Hair Tomorrow

In anticipation of being done with treatment I have been checking the blogs about hair regrowth.  Like everything else that deals with cancer, it is all over the board.  Some people their hair begins to grow within weeks, others are 6 months out and still have just some stubble.  I don't have terribly fast growing hair so I really just figure after 6 to 8 weeks I will have a 1/4 inch to 1/2 inch which will at least be a covering on my head.  The bigger question may be what color and texture.   I really have no preference as to color - just having hair will be a pleasure. 

So less than 24 hours after my 3rd treatment and I am still okay.  I was tired yesterday and just watched a movie and Y & R episodes I had taped from earlier in the week.  This morning I am up early and doing some housework, dish washer, laundry, and going to go out in the hot tub when Joe gets up.  I cleared that with the research nurse and she said she knew of no reason not to as long as I use common sense and I always do.  ND plays at 2:30 p.m. and I really don't have any other tasks going on today.  I do want to rearrange the living room furniture and open up the heat vents so may do that tomorrow using Joe.  I will switch out the bedding, put the feather bed back on the bed, and get ready for the nesting of winter. 

Nine more to go

Just finished my 3rd chemo this cycle and now down to single digits.  It is going to be a real short week next week.  Monday in Cass, Tuesday we're off, Wednesday appointment with Dr. Z, Thursday St. Joe and Friday chemo.  I received my schedule for November and every Friday at 8:30 - even Black Friday at 8:30 at the new building in Mshawaka. 

Today's treatment took less than 3 hours - that was with labs.  I like going early - don't seem to wait around quite as long.  I feel tired today and not sure why.  I was out several times this week at some events with Joe and stuff at work is taking a toll on my mental state.  Time to meditate and yoga and walk and clear my head.......

See you tomorrow.

It's Friday Again

Amazing how fast the week goes when I have every Friday off.  Anticipate no problems, should be home by noon or so, and then have a couple movies to watch after catching up on the Y & R.  It's a hard life but I can handle it.  :-)

Time

seems to be going by at a fast pace.   Last day of work this week and tomorrow is treatment.  Not much happening. 

Nope

nothing new

Another Wild Day

It's all about the weather today and nothing about me.  I do seem to have more tingly sensation in my hands this morning and will be conscience of this.  I seem to have a few deep aches but may be just moving around more.  I have been pretty active around the house and I have been taking Broghan out walking every day - good for him and for me.   I am looking at chemo number 3 this week and then will be down to single digits - wootwoot!

It is such a double edge sword.  I will be soooo excited for the New Year and the end of my chemo but it will also be the loss of all those retiring at the office and another new chapter of my employment with the State of Michigan.  I just don't want the stress of the unknown to set back my progress.  I may need to start yoga and meditation.   U-u-u-u-m-m-m-m.

Monday

I find it is becoming more difficult to think of something to write in my blog than any side effects I am handling right now.  If I go a few days without writing just assume nothing is continuing to happen. 

I do continue to get cards and Joe gets phone calls from people who are just hearing about our journey.  We do have a great support system and this kind of event in your life brings out the compassion in many.

Christmas is in the Air

When I wake up so early I usually turn on QVC and Christmas is all over the place.  I usually dread the thought of Christmas getting here so fast.  This year I can't wait for the Holidays.  This is obviously for a very selfish reason, but a good reason none the less.  If I continue to feel as well as I do with these weekly treatments, I will be very pleased.  It is almost like I just have Friday off every week and then the inconvenience of going to SB in the morning. 

The only issue I am dealing with is my nose.  Odd, but it dries out so much it is sore, and when I try to keep it moist then it feels full of yuck.  I have to be careful not to blow too much because then it bleeds.  I use saline but it doesn't keep it soft.  Oh well.  If that is all I have to do - I can figure it out.  I have had no body ache like the doctor said I might.  I think I may begin to work out a little trying to ease back into more activity.  I have my Wii Fit with games, etc. and I don't think it is really a workout but will keep my body moving and it makes me laugh when I am chasing little things around on the screen.  :-)

I received a care package from Adam and Aubrie yesterday and it was so sweet.  I love the soft socks and the pink lavendar neck sock thingy -smells wonderful.  A very nice smelling candle and bath/shower lotion.  I feel so pampered - thanks kids!!   It was a nice surprise.  :-)

Keep me in your thoughts everyone - I firmly believe all the support and love and prayers from my family and friends is a big part of how I am doing so well.  God is Good!

Another Week Down

So #2 done.  Started at 8:00 a.m. had lab work done (which was not on my calendar but apparently I do every week).  Numbers came back good so proceeded with treatment.  This takes between 1 and 1.5 hours of just waiting.  This time they put the benadryl in my IV and not directly into my port so it was a much gentler effect but still ended up lying back and snoozing off and on during treatment.  I only have the clinic trial drug every other week so we were done by 11:00 which would have been really just a little less than 2 hours of IV.   We were home timely, and I did end up taking a two hour nap from about 1:30 to 3:30 but it was good.  I got out with Broghan and walked a couple miles, came in and cleaned up house, and have just been busy.  These treatments are not putting me down at all and I could almost have done it later in the day and gone to work in the morning.  I won't change it now - really can use the rest of Friday to take care of me.   Work is not going to calm down so I will just take the time.

Again, my goal is to keep my white count up and that is through good nutrition, staying active, and staying healthy. 

It's Time

for #2.  Let's get it done.  Nothing new happening and I am feeling good. 

Just Around the Corner

Treatment #2 is tomorrow and then I will have 2 down and 10 to go.  That is the up side to weekly treatments, the count down will go fast.  November will bring days off from work so my work week will get shorter and shorter.  I already don't have enough time to do everything, but I will NOT stress, will do what I can, and prepare as much for the future as allowable.  I don't have any lab work tomorrow so hopefully, the Taxol drip will go quicker since I don't seem to have any reaction, and will be done a little quicker.    I do have some tingling in my hands and my feet are a little strange but nothing that interferes with anything. 

Just a Little

So, I am feeling a little bit of tingly in my hands and feet.  Maybe it was the shoes I wore though. I have worn sandals for so long, regular shoes make my feet hurt.  Guess I need to go shoe shopping. 

I also think I need to stay a little more active after work.  I am spending too much time in my chair and then go to bed, and then wake up at flippin' 3:00 in the morning ready to get up.  I am also amazed at how well my fingernails are growing.  I have a little discoloration in my thumb nails but otherwise, they are growing, seem strong, and when I paint them look pretty good.  Also, because I am not doing a lot of physical work (like scrubbing, digging in the dirt, lifting weights) my nails are also growing better and not being broken off. 

I am still waiting for the body ache that Taxol causes but so far nothing.  Dr just said to take Advil/Aleve and if real bad take a pain pill (like from surgery).  Had my first problem with insurance payment.  Doctor's office changed provider name from Dr. Zon to Michiana Hematology and apparently new provider was not a member of my BCBS PPO until 6 days later.  Result?   $800.00 balance for using "out of network provider" when I never changed a thing.  UGH.  I guess the worse that will happen is the Christmas club will pay my doctor bill.   Merry Christmas everyone.

So, another Tuesday

This blog is becoming a little boring.  I just don't have much to report.   I am feeling pretty good.  I do notice my taste buds are still not right.  Things taste a little blah, but somehow I manage to keep eating.  :-)  

Bananas don't taste that good, apples taste very good.  Cereal tastes blah, soup I made this weekend tastes blah.  Whatever.    I do like fresh salad so maybe it will be a trip to Yoders today for one of their fresh salads.

Not So Much

Nothing happening so I will take it one day at a time and enjoy every moment. 

????

Things never cease to amaze me.  It is now Sunday morning - the 2nd day after my chemo on Friday - and nothing.  Not a tingle in my fingers or toes (yet), not a bad feeling tummy at all, no headache, not tired, etc. etc. etc.   I am still having to be careful of my nose and how dry it is and I am keeping track of my mouth.  Some of this is if I am receiving the BEVA in the clinic trial it has a number of side effects that I don't seem to have but doesn't mean I'm not on the drug.  Won't know that until the end of this cycle of chemo.

I think I have decided come January I will take a break from everything.  We may pop down to Florida for a short get away.  Come back to the office and see who is still working and maybe plan a longer get away later in the Spring.  I have decided to put off surgery again until I have given myself a break and maybe will wait until next year and plan ahead to go South for 6 weeks or so.  One never knows what we will do.  :-)

Right now it is just one Friday at a time. 

Another New Adventure

So, we arrived on time, and after waiting just a few minutes Rhonda put the IV line in my port.  She did a great job, I gave up my blood and peed in a cup.  Saw Dr. Zon within minutes and she reported all my numbers looking very good, and my echogram even shows my numbers have improved - unusual to see but made her very happy.  No more need for day after shot or nauseu medicine because Taxel doesn't require either.  Told me to take Vitamin B6 to help counter the numbness to my fingers and toes which taxel does do so will go to the store today. Also will pick up an over the counter laxative they suggested just to have on hand.  She was not concerned about my weight at all and overall things look fine.  I don't need to see her again until next month but I will take weekly labs so they can monitor.  I will see the research nurse every week.  So, I thought wow, this is going quick, I should be out of here in a few hours.  Wrong.   Went back to the chemo area and waited for my chemo nurse.  Not to bad, she came and hooked up my saline, and then I think she gave me a shot of benadryl (to counter any allergic reaction to the taxel)  thru my port.  The second she put the medication in I immediately began to feel light headed.  I asked what that will do and she said could make you sleepy.  And then I said oh yes, and kinda rolled my head and closed my eyes.   Next she put in a steriod to marinate my body in and again to protect from any allergic reaction by the taxel in my body.  That didn't take too long - like 20 mintes - because she had to let it sit before giving me the taxel.

Finally, the taxel was hooked up and the drip was soooooo slow.  It took 2 hours to do the one bag of taxel.  The nurse kept coming over and increasing the drip but it always seemed to slow down.  Finally, she got it moving faster.  Ugh.  Last, but not least, I had the BEVA or placebo, depending which one I have been getting. That was a larger amount for this cycle (1100 mg opposed to 700) but it was done in about 30 minuntes.  It was after going on 1:00 p.m. when we finally left.  Good thing Cathy brought a book because this was the first time I was actually lying back and sleeping (due to the Benadryl) but near the end I was much more perky and chatting.  We stopped at Prime Table for lunch and I had a julieene salad which was huge and it was very good.  I brought 2/3rd of it home and had some for dinner with homemade dressing and still have another serving left for today. 

Cathy did a great job of escorting me but like the workacholic she is - she dropped me off and then went to the credit union.  :-)   Her hair is growing out a little - I thought it would be longer, and I think the natural color will be very cool.  I am very much leaning towards letting my hair look anyway it wants to when it finally starts growing out.  Like my book says:  Any Day with Hair is a Good Hair Day!

Oh, by the way.   You will notice I haven't mentioned how I feel?  That is becuase I feel no different this morning or yesterday afternoon than I have all week.  I don't want to say it too loud just in case I jinx the feeling.  I was told I should do very well - I think I am right.  :-)

Football today and just a little work around the house.  Depending on the weather, I may even go out for a mile or so.  This is going to be an good day!

The Beginning of the End

I must admit I am a little apprehensive about the new chemo cocktail, but confident that I will continue to do well.  Doing treatment early instead of late morning to give me more of the day to recoup with hopes of returning to work on Monday.  Trying to minimize my sick leave usage.  I am greedy - I want to save my sick leave for when I am really sick.  :-)

Everything is Relative

We have certain friends that call at least once a week to talk with Joe and ask how I am doing.  The funny thing is I am doing much better than Joe who has been having some issues for almost 3 weeks.  He has lost about 25 pounds and has not drank alcohol since the Michigan game in mid-September.  He has serious internal issues and tests don't really show anything.  He has missed work and continues to suffer.   I am trying to take care of him like he usually takes care of me.  Come tomorrow after I have my next chemo I hope I am in good shape because I don't think Joe will be much help.  :-)  

Cat is taking me to chemo tomorrow and I am happy to have her go and see the process.  I think we all have imagines of what we think it is like.  I am amazed of how I walk in, have my treatments and have all these chemicals pumped into my body, and then I walk out and function pretty normal (for at least a few hours).  Sometimes nothing ever does happen, sometimes I just get tired.  All the information and talking with others that have had Taxol tells me it is easier than the first chemo combo but again, everyone reacts different.  I also don't know if I am receiving a placebo or the BEVA in my clinic trial.  BEVA is a trial drug because it is not the usual drug for breast cancer but is used for colon cancer and other organ cancers.    If I was a few years younger I might change my profession and go into medicine.  :-)

So.........

I just don't have much to talk about.  I have gained a couple pounds, so yesterday I really took control of my food and then walked after work.  I felt so much better last night because I did not snack all night justifying it with I am not feeling well.  I figured out I didn't feel well because I was eating so much crap.  I hope it is a little cooler today - if I need to wear a hat I would like to have it cool enough that it also keeps my head warm instead of making it sweaty.  Oh, the problems one has.   I have an all new appreciation for bald people.  :-)

Darn It!

I am so irritated this morning because I feel so darn good and I know it is short lived.  Ugh!!   I have talked with another friend who had Taxol last year and she said she did pretty good, no nausea but be careful of tingly and numbness in your fingers and toes.   So I am optomistic things will be good and I will just soar thru the next 12 weeks   :-)      I have been getting so much done around the house, wished I felt like calling in sick so I could continue my tasks but that is not who I am - I will be off to Centreville today.   I do have a cute new hat - gotta have something to look forward to right?

Going to be a beautiful day and I am going to enjoy every minutes.  :-)

Time for Tests

Before I begin my next cycle of chemo I need to have some tests done.  I do blood work every time I do chemo and all my levels are assessed and have been fine.  Today I have another echogram and then an EKG because all these drugs can be pretty hard on your cardiovascular system.  Since I am in the clinic trial, if I am receiving the test drug that is known to be hard on your circulartory system, can cause hypertension and so these tests are all very important.  My echogram from before treatment was 75% which is excellent and most people test about 50% so I am hoping things are close.  I don't know how much training to walk 60 miles improves my heart - but it seems it has to play some part of it.   I have not been doing much in the way of cardio exercise - I'll just keep my fingers crossed and hope the test come back okay. 

The need to be more careful

So yesterday, I thought I was feeling so good that I just pretended I was back to being totally healthy, did a bunch of stuff around the house, ate whatever I wanted, actually a bunch of crap, enjoyed the ND ball game, and then got the most aweful stomach ache, and by 8:30 I was in bed.  I woke up to a phone call, went back to sleep and woke up again at 5:22 (on the clock).  This is like sleeping in for me so I know I was not feeling good.  Got up, made some coffee, doing some laundry and hit the bathroom.  So, now I feel better, had a great BM (sorry for those with a weak stomach) and will remember that I still need to keep track of eating healthy and how sensitive my system is inspite of how I may feel at any given moment. 

I can say, my dried out nose is becoming more of an issue trying not to get a bloody nose, and wearing something on my head all the time is also becoming very frustrating - I snapped at Joe yestereday when we went out for breakfast, because I had a hat on and it was roasting my head, and I took it off and signed and he asked if I felt okay and I just said I am sick of wearing a hat and my head is cooking.  This was in the car of course - not at Hob Nob - CRAP!

That is one reason for staying home all the time - I wear a cap just to keep my head warm not to cover it up.  Joe did get me a pink skull cap from the NFL and it is very cool.  Thanks honey!

Gonna Be a Beautiful Day

It is nice when the main thing on my mind is all the things I can get done this weekend.  It is Friday, I am in Cass, I am feeling very good this morning, drank two cups of coffee (which is rare) I still have a little bm issue but not bad - I am good to go.  I am having more issue with dry nose and getting a bloody nose 2-3 times a day just because it is so dried out.  Saline spray helps but may need to explore something else.  If that is the biggest issue I get - it is doable.

I am still tired of the head gear thing - but not much I can do - just go with the flow.  Maybe need a new hat this weekend.  :-)

One Day Closer

I can tell as the days go by because I feel more and more normal - I know I repeat this but it is true.   I still have my dry nose issues and so I have had two bloody noses but use lots of saline spray and am very careful.  I finally ate enough fiber and drank enough fluids to fix the other end, and my sore throat has gone away although I don't think that was treatment related - just one of those things I deal with come cooler weather.   I am hoping for a productive weekend and getting lots of things done Saturday and Sunday around the house and in the yard.  Joe also got a pink light bulb for the night light outside so if you go past my house at night look for the "pink" glow - it is pretty cool.   He also bought me two scarves, a pink highlighter and two pair of pink shoe strings - I think he supports Breast Cancer Awareness - :-)

If it will help

I ate some dried plums last night (prunes) to help with my bodily functions and trying to drink more water.  Switching to warm water because ice water still tastes yuck.  I am eating lots of apples and other fruit hoping that helps too.  I still am nursing a sore throat, gargle with salt water, and again warm water seems to help.  It is not getting worse or going away - just lingering.  I have been okay overall and just trying to stay even.  I am planning to do lots of outside work this weekend to prepare for winter and then don't worry about it later.  Put away humming bird feeders, clean up lawn furniture and store cushions.  Also, get out feeders for my winter birds and put out seed to start their feedings.  My head is driving me nuts being itchy and having hats on is irritating - every once in awhile I just take it off at work.  Several people have come in to talk and do well not staring and I act like nothing is going on.  Someday this will all be in the past - :-)

Where'd that come from?

Constipation - never had that before - ouch.  First bloody nose from dry air - need to use more saline spray and be more gentle on my nose.  Then sore throat and a little plugged up this morning - UGH!   Good news - my stomach feels kinda better.  I ate a great salad last night and am already thinking about a salad today from Yoders in Centreville.  I want just the salad stuff - no cheese or meat - just fresh crisp lettuce and veggies.   The cool weather is great but my head is cold so I have a cap on all the time.  Yesterday at work the sun shining in my office heated it right up and I just had to take of my hat.  It is what it is people - I always enjoy the initial reaction, but then it gets better.  :-)    Does that sound a little mean?  Not meant to - okay - maybe a little.

Yep, It's Monday

So, another Monday and I am okay.  Food is not so enjoyable right now because again nothing really tastes good.   Fresh apples is about all I really enjoy but I can only eat so many of them in a day's time.  I had some tomato soup and that actually tasted good - seems the more blah something is the better it tastes.  Joe continues to try and figure it out - I asked for french toast thinking it would be in the frying pan and a crispy outside with cinnamon and vanilla but he put it in the broiler, made a smoky mess and except for the crust it was soggy - not what I thought it would be at all.  I keep trying to explain to him it is about the texture, crunchy, crispy, but ........ he isn't going there.  I stayed home all three days and find it is better even if I feel better.   Let's just keep this thing moving on.

Turn on the Heat

Typically, I like a cool house in the winter, but since I have no hair, my head gets very cold and I have to wear a cap.  Therefore, my heat may be a little warmer than years past.  I also have a goal to stay out of the way of other's germs.  I am armed with Purell liquid antibacterial lotion, Chlorox sheets and need be I will get those white paper masks to wear.  I also plan to stay very close to my own office at work, and home otherwise.   I am not being anti-social - just safe.  Sorry Caiden  - if you have a cold, you need to just visit grams over the phone.  :-)

Next

I don't have much to talk about this morning.  Yesterday was a great day, this morning I have been up since just before 4:00 a.m. just because I woke up and then when I have to go to the bathroom, time to just get up.  My stomach is hungry and I need to put a little something in it.  I had a desire for home made beef and noodles and instead Joe keeps trying to buy something to fill that desire.  Doesn't work - all commercial products are too thick, too full of flavors not natural and I am extremely sensitive to chemicals and tastes.  I asked him to buy me a chuck roast so I could put it in the crock pot and make my own beef and noodles.  Oh well, I am now past that desire and on to a Cobb salad from Round Oak - I want lettuce and salad stuff now - that is better than carbs anyway.  :-)

I also want apples, apple cider, and he did get both of those - he's such a good guy - taking way too much care of me and extremely protective. 

Ya Just Never Know

The internet has been on and off so hard to get on line to chat.  Right this minute I have the hiccups which is a side effect of the Emend pills I take today and tomorrow.   I have gotten them every time.  So, how am I doing you ask?   I woke up this morning and felt incredibly like it was Wednesday and not Friday.  I am doing very well.  Talking with Dr. Z Thursday I told her about my tummy just feeling yuck but not like I was going to vomit.  She said oh yes that will come from the chemo and I will prescribe you something for that.  They added something to my IV Thursday and then I have a prescription to take one time in the morning and it made a BIG difference.  I just need to learn to share more of that information.  I am so used to just toughing it out I don't realize there is stuff out there to help. 

So, I had my last Nuelasta shot this morning and glad to have this cycle done.  The nurse this morning told me before Neulasta they had to administer a shot 7 to 10 days in a row for the white blood cell count requiring patients to go to the hospital and have it administered - Nuelasta has been a huge improvement even inspite of the cost. 

We discussed the next cycle of chemo and whay I might expect with Taxol.  She said my hair might start growing back but don't get attached to it - usually doesn't stay.  She also said I should not lose any other hair - like my eye brows or eye lashes.  If I have them now I should have them for the Taxol.  They will monitor my white blood cell count.   I have to go for another echo gram and another test on Tuesday the 11th and then my first chemo for the next cycle begins Friday, October 15th at 8:30 a.m.  

I will just take feeling good each day as it comes and not overdue.  I have almost all the laundry done, I have been picking up a little, but no plans to go out and start weeding or scrubbing floors.  I have been chasing Bellaboo as she has been a bad girl today.   She jumps on me all morning long the day after chemo and then jumps through the house like crazy.

Last Day of September

It is officially Fall this week and I am enjoying the days going by quick.  Today is chemo 4 and it hard to believe I am at the end of this cycle.  Every treatment is different and I hope this one will be more like #2 and I recover quick.  It is going to be very cool this weekend so a great time to stay in my chair and cuddle with my pink blanket and just veg out.   My blood pressure has been up and down over the past two weeks and I will share this with Dr. Z and then monitor.  It was back down this morning which is unusual the day of chemo.  I also have been doing lots of stressing at work having a battle with the Judge in Centreville and then all the retirement issues and thoughts of the director leaving.  Ugh.   Time to refocus on myself for awhile. 

The Day Before

Yes, I can always tell what day it is because I am feeling almost normal.  So tomorrow it starts all over again, but this is the last one this cycle - one small victory.  I talked to a friend who had taxol chemo last year and she said it was easier for her than the first cycle of other chemo, so I am thinking positive that I will have the same reaction but in the meantime I will celebrate the end of this one and have two weeks to recoup and prepare things for weekly sessions.  It is all about preparation.   I also should get my treatment calendar so I can plan ahead and see how the holidays are going to go.   I am fearful it is going to take me through the New Year, but if it does so what?   I can't control it so I won't worry about it either.

Hat Weather

I am lovin' the cooler temps cuz my head gets real hot undera  hot all the time.  I still have my eye brows and my eye lashes and my leg hair (which is getting really long) so I guess it's time to get an electric razor to take care of the forest growing on my legs.  I thought by now that would all be gone - wrong.   Going to be a long day with staying in Centreville for al Elder Abuse meeting. 

Just Another Manic Monday

So much going on around me of which I have no control.  I feel pretty good this morning but have to admit I am already very tired of always having to have a darn hat on my head.  With the cooler weather, I wear a turban at home to keep my head warm - it really makes a difference having no hair - I never realized how much warmth is provided before.  I not only try to decide what to wear but what hat do I have that matches the outfit.  At least I don't have to worry if I fit into my clothes - I still have stayed on the low side of my weight and not gained anything.  Also, with the cooler weather I can wear sweaters and layers and feel more comfortable. 

Short week, and I am staying late tomorrow night in St. Joe for an Elder Abuse training.  Before I know it my 4th chemo will be here.

One Long Saturday

So, another tailgate done and I was more tired than last one, but haven't felt as well all week anyway so I was just happy I was able to go.  I do say everyone else has stepped up and I do very little at the games.  I did manage to run the battery down on the car - oops.  I have to laugh at people seeing me for the first time - and their reaction and some of the same questions.  We have one older friend who comes to the tailgates every time and he just puts it right out there.  He sat and talked with me and just said - "what kind of cancer do you have?"   I honestly can say no one has just spit it out like that.  He said it with the best of intentions and offered to do anything for us we would need and I believe he and his wife would do just that.   Another friend, whom I have not seen since all of this has been known, is also a bc survivor but had a very early stage, was trying to tell me how she knows how I feel because she just cried when she first heard her diagnosis and how I must be struggling some days - wow, is that not true for me and I tried to explain that to her and she just smiled.  

All in all, another good day, and as always look forward to Sunday to regroup.  Chemo is this week again, but the last one for this cycle.  Taxol is my next chemo cocktail and it is said to be a little easier than what I have been doing this time - but it is all about how one reacts.  Suppose to be little or no nausea and I will not need the Nuelasta shot the day after.  Time will tell - I will stay positive and just be happy to get that next cycle started - and you know why - the sooner it starts, the sooner it is over.  That is what the doctor says too.  

Again, all is good - (ok, maybe not ND football so far this year)  

Just Getting Around the Corner

Nine days after my last chemo and I think I finally have made the break of getting back to feeling much better.  I have to believe some of my stomach issues have been a touch of the stomach crap going around.  Caiden was home sick with pucky tummy and Joe has been sick all week and finally got medication - that is my explanation and I am sticking to it because I have not had this extended problem before.  So the goal is to keep those people around me healthy so I can stay healthy.  Ugh!   I may end up wearing a white mask all winter to keep the germs away.

I am looking forward to the ND game today and getting out of the house a little.  I really don't go anywhere during the week except to work and then come home and crash.  Last night I was doing laundry, dishes, and playing with the dog so I knew I was feeling better already.   My last chemo for this cycle is just around the corner.   One cycle down - one to go. 

Feeling Better or Not?

I can't really decide how I feel.   One minute I feel pretty darn good - another minute I feel like crap.  I suppose it is something I just need to get used to.   Oh well.   Sometimes I don't even know what feeling good is.......but I am still working and going to ND game tomorrow and just making my way through - all is good.

The stress from work is getting to me a little - retirement bill just passed and that will take out some management spots including the director.  Something I can't control so I won't stress over it - yeah right!  

I really can only do what I can do.    Again, all is good.  :-)

Being Cautious

I have continued to have tummy issues since my last chemo.  Also Joe has been having serious stomach issues and he finally went to the doctor and found a viral infection and gave him antibiotics - ugh!  So I am staying very far away from Joe (actually have been all week) and only hope I don't get what he has or maybe I have it already and that is why my tummy has been yuck.  The thought of getting sick right now is unacceptable.    I have no fever and my Ativan and Tylenol take care of whatever I am feeling - I still am not all that interested in eating much - last night I made crispy potatoes and over medium eggs cuz that's what I wanted. 

Another interesting thing - I got my first bill from Dr. Z since startig chemo - OMG!     The neulasta shot, which I take the day after chemo, is $5900 (yes, you see it right) per shot!  Then there is a charge of $45.00 for them to give me the shot.  I googled this trying to see if this is accurate and what I found was the charge goes anywhere from $3000 to $9000 depending on what area of the country you live.  One blogger said the doctor indicated this was less expensive than getting sick and spending up to a week in the hospital.  I sure hope BCBS thinks the same thing.  I am also very happy I don't have to have it for my next cyle of chemo.  

So far BCBS has covered everything after our deductible ($300) and I pay only co-pay for my doctor's appointments.   I will never complain about BCBS again.   Without insurance there would be some very hard decisions to be made and I know people out there are doing it every day.   Another thing I am blessed to have - insurance.   (I have a pretty attentive husband too).

It's All Around Us

It seems in the last few months I have heard more about people being diagnosed with cancer than ever before.  Maybe it is just because I am more in tuned to the word - like when you get a new car - like an Acadia that you never really noticed before on the road and now it seems every other car is an Acadia.    I also find myself being a little careful about conversation regarding people with cancer who are not doing well or have recently died.  At work a CPS worker was talking about an investigation where mom died in June of cancer, the family basically was financially bankrupt, lost their house because dad was taking her to Chicago for cancer treatment, and now the dad and children are living in a tear down trying to fix it up and still dealing with the loss of their mom/wife.  The worker never really connected the conversation wth me (which is a good thing) but I did.   It is scary to know that people are dying every day, every hour, every minute from cancer no matter how hard they fight.  I believe I am very fortunate and I have many years ahead of me - I know there are some just trying to make it one more day. 

Don't know where that came from - sorry if it seems kinda depressing - it really isn't.   It is just life - like a heart attack, a car accident, or any other event that takes a life.  It really is all about the cycle of life - we never know when it is our time. 

By the way - I am feeling better - a little bit every day.  This has been a strange cycle of chemo and hope next week I recover a little quicker - but it is what it is and I will take whatever comes my way - and that's the nightly news here at CBS.  :-)   Thank you Walter.  Wow, did I just age myself.  

Shhhh - don't say it too loud.

I almost hate putting this in print but I do believe I am feeling better this morning.  I didn't get home from work until after 5:00 last night and immediately put on my pj's, found a little food, and just sat.  Oddly enough, I had a small sliver of Lemon Meringue Pie and it was good - I could actually feel the textures and tasted the different flavors.  Not what I thought - so I had a potato and a piece of baked chicken - neither tasted bad but not as good as the pie.  So are you wondering if I had another piece?  No - but I will today.  I do need to thank my very good friend who provided me some words of encouragement after reading my earlier blogs and reminded me I can do this - thank you!! 

This journey really is just one day at a time - unfortunately my work is on high alert with stress and impossible missions which I know adds to my stress which is bad.   I need to work on my meditation and putting things back into prospective.  I have also been thinking about Christmas and what I would like everyone to do this year.  I would love to pass on the gift giving and do something different.  I will think about that and see what I come up with. 

I am blessed.

What Day Is It?

That was a long weekend and I was on the edge of feeling yuck the entire time.  Today I will return to work, take some food, and just hope to get through the day in one piece.  Hurry up 4:00 p.m.  I can only assume the repeated chemo is beginning to take its toll.  My lack of taste buds is odd and more difficult than I thought - I am back to taking things one day at a time.  I am a little groggy this morning and not doing much but having a cup of coffee (which still seems to tast okay) and doing some FB.  I will take some fruit to work but don't know what else - it is going to be a long one.  I guess I will have to get my Ativan refilled - I have been using it alot.  Last night took two pills and never moved until about 4:00 am.   I had a sore mouth last night but okay this morning.   One more chemo this cycle and that is next week - that's all I can look forward to right now - one thing at a time.

Keep me going strong Lord - I need you hanging in with me.

This is Getting a Little Old

So, it is Sunday morning (like really early) and I am on the computer.  My stomach is still feeling weird but I can't describe it.  I think if I eat something it will feel better, but I have no desire to eat anything because NOTHING sounds good.  My taste buds are blah, I can barely stomach water and I haven't had any problems with that until now.  I am taking my Ativan to try and get rid of the stomach feely thing and that just puts me straight to sleep.   It is 6:00 a.m. and I want something to eat but nothing at the same time.  This is so darn frustrating.  I have lost a pound from just not eating much and I can't really do this long.  I will just pick out a few things that are safe (Cheerios), apple (the crunch sounds good anyway), and don't know what else.  Not even my over medium fried eggs are doing anyting good.    UGH!   I'd rather have wild cravings then want nothing but have my stomach growling like crazy.  Poor Joe is trying to find something I want and is batting 0.   I want to try and go walking a little today.  I have been sitting in my chair for 2 days and time to move on.  I do give myself those 2 days to rest and even if I am feeling pretty good I control the urge to do too much.  I have to say - I think I am a little on edge  and just really ready for all this to be done.  It's gonna be a long winter.......

What the Heck?

So, I was not as perky after chemo 3 - no real headache no real nausea - just not feeling good.  I slept alot and was not on the computer much except to check e-mail from work and keeping the work flowing.  I am hungry, but nothing sounds good, and then when I do eat something it doesn't taste right.  I was told chemo can affect your taste buds and it has begun to do just that.  I had some frosted mini wheats which I don't usually eat but I wanted something sweet to taste - nothing - was blah.   I had some apple sauce - again, blah.  Nothing sounds good and during my other 2 chemos I had specific things I wanted - not this time.  This is not good because I will not be eating and Dr. Z will not be happy.  Believe it or not, I have to work at not losing weight.  Who knew?   I even have to work at drinking water which I like - just tastes blah - nothing much is helping.   The only thing I really like is orange/pineapple juice and I have to be careful because it has high acid which is hard on my mouth.  It is all a balancing act.  I also have to be careful about my sodium intake because I don't want anything to increase my blood pressure which runs high every time I go to the doctor - but not at home.   But the good news 3 down and only 13 more to go.  :-))

How Does She Know?

So, Chemo #3 was yesterday.  Got there at 11:30, waited to get my stats taken, and my blood drawn, and a urine sample.  That takes about 1 hour.  Finally hooked up through my port and the flow begins.  I was not feeling great - little headachy and stomach issues before even started.  Brought healthy food, pear, dry roasted peanuts, cheese, trying to keep food in my stomach.  Done in 2 hours and if I was not involved in the clinic trial, would have been done in 1.5.  It was very quiet in the chemo room with not many people.  I think the early group already left  and a few came in later.  Jackie was my chemo nurse and lives in Sturgis, and has draft horses  The conversations you get into are very interesting.

Stopped at 5 Guys for a small burger and fresh hot fries.  That was my big meal of the day, came home, and put on my comfy pants and found my spot in my new chair.  Not long after lying there along came Bella, thus my title.  She jumps up, looks me in the face, smelling my mouth, walks over and lies in my lap and goes to sleep.  She did this all afternoon.  The only time she moved was when I got up.  Last night, she slept near my feet, and about 3:00 a.m. she crawled up into my arm pit area, extended her paw to touch my face and started to purr.  Now, for those who know my cat, this is not her typical behavior and purring comes rare and you are very privileged if she does.  She has slept on me during past chemos but this time it was so much more obvious.   Because my laptop is on my lap right now, she is sitting on the couch looking at me.

I knew there was something about this little tortieshell spitfire from Animal Control - she is my little furry Angel.

Chemo Number 3

So, here I sit in my new chair, and waiting for something to occur and not knowing what that will be.  I have taken a Tylenol and an Ativan and would like to get some sleep and I am sure that will come soon.  Joe went back to work.  My head is feeling a little weird and it has been all afternoon even before the chemo drips.  I had blood work and urine test again and that takes an hour.  Then I have my chemo which takes 2 hours - not bad.  The last 30 minutes is part of the clinical trial - otherwise I would have been done sooner. 

My head is feeling better and I think I am over my mood from this morning.  I am glad because I do not have the energy to be upset.  I know part of my anxiety is the anticipated retirement for state workers and that will take out a number of experienced co-workers including my Director - lots of unknown.  

Time to get some rest and watch the hummers while they are still here.  Good Night.

My Own Opinion

I think there should be a book on etique as to what to say to someone when you hear they have cancer.   As many of you know, initially my health issues were kept to close family and friends and they respected that perimeter.  Then when I knew I would lose my hair - that changed and I knew it would.  I vowed to be open to people's well wishes and to talk if they asked questions.  However, people don't realize I have been living this life since May - over 4 months now.  When they hear the news they immediately call and ask how I am doing (they usually call Joe cuz most people know I am very private about my private life).  However, I do have some people contact me direct.  Recently received a private message that read:  "OMG - I am so sorry - I just received an e-mail telling me about your breast cancer diagnosis......."     First, please do not say you feel sorry for me......I can appreciate words of strength, that I am in your thoughts and prayers, that you know someone else that went through it, etc    The other thing that urked me right away is this is someone I don't really have any type of relationshp with.  I know her, but I haven't talked with her in a few years, never had a personal relationship of any nature, and the fact she received an e-mail from a family member my first questions is "why".   I was actually pissed and Joe knew it and tried to explain it away.  And then asked if I wanted to get away for a few days - Florida, Chicago, or wherever I wanted to go?    I can truly say last night was the first time he saw any aggitation or negative out of me - I was just pissed - I am the subject of lots of conversation and I absolutely hate it.  If no other person found out or no other person asked me how I was doing - I would be fine.  Obviously the feeling has followed me through the night and continues to be there inside me.   This too will pass.

One More Day

So, I am feeling tip top and I have a good feeling that chemo this week will be an easy chemo and I will be able to go to the wedding and reception on Saturday.  That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.  I have a small sore in my mouth but I think it is from biting my lip and not from any other issues.  It is healing with no problem.  I bought a couple more cute hats at Target.  I find hats are more comfortable than the turbans.  Turbans are cute, but hot and tight on my head leaving me with a headache and/or sore ears. 

Not much else ot write about and hope that my journal continues to be boring.

It's All About the Music

So, got up early Monday, headed out to Centreville and really had a good day.  Right this moment other than a bald head and a port sticking out my right collar bone area, and no hair on varying parts of my body, and a large scar across my chest, you would never know anything was going on with me.  I feel great - I almost feel bad I feel so good - NOT.   I do have a numbness just above my mastectomy and not sure if it is just the healing process, from the port, or someting else.  Dr. Z was not concerned about it, said part of the continued healing process and nothing she connected with chemo.   So, I just keep massaging the area to keep movement in it and will wait to see if it gets better. 

I came home from work last night, changed my clothes, grabbed my iPod and the dog and went out for a great 2 miles walk at a good pace moving along with great Music.  I wished I could share my physical and emotional state with others who are not doing as well with their treatment.

I have learned to enjoy every moment and not look ahead or wish my life away (okay maybe I am wishing it was New Year's Eve with hopes my last chemo took place already) but otherwise, I want to take in everything around me.   I want to listen to the music which can be the wind rustling through the dry corn, the tractors in the field, the humming birds buzzing around before the go South.  Music comes in many forms and I want to listen to it all.  Please do the same thing.  One never knows what is around the corner. 

Count Down to Chemo

I can always tell the week of chemo because I am so much on the road to getting back to regular me.  I do need to watch my food better.  I am not gaining weight per se, my hip measurements are going down, but I took my waist size and it is up an inch - ouch.  So, time to get out and enjoy that Fall like weather and not just sit in my new chair all the time.  I was very busy over the weekend and hope to get home after work, change my clothes and get outside for a bit.  Broghan could use some walking too. 

Nothing new to report except my fingernails are looking a little odd.  The "moon" is usually very white on my nails and now they are a strange purple look almost like they are bruised.  Also, I am getting lots of ridging.  I will do some research and see if that is usual and check with Meg and see if she had any nails issues.  I do have two toenails looking weird but that is from the training and walking.