Left over Stuff

Things I have gotten used to I realize were not there before treatment. What you ask? Like my fingers and toes still tingle and I have to be aware to move them. When I walk or workout for long periods of time my feet go numb. I also have weird nose things still. My snaught (sorry - no nice way to described it) is like sticky, gluey consistency and I get lots even though I have no cold or other allergies. My teeth are still suffering with weird stains and I use a restorative mouthwash. Obviously my hair - odd color but okay and I recently cut it off realizing how really easy really short hair is and no one is going to tell me I don't look good - I also know hair is over rated and it just is what it is. I also have chemo moments and lose words and thoughts. Or did I do that before - I can't remember. LOL. The medication I am on brought back all the hot flashes and I have them regularly. I was well past these and here they are but tamoxifen is what I need to be on. I see Dr. Z again in February and not sure how Often after that. It will be past one year but can't remember when 6 month appts start.

It is almost 2012 and nothing big planned for the night. Dinner at Timberline ad then home to watch the new year arrive. What will 2012 bring to us all? Happy New Year!

What A Difference A Year Makes!

I look at the calendar and realize it was one year ago today I had my last chemotherapy. It was an emotional day both scary and euphoric all at the same time. Today I celebrate and look forward to every day and the next day. I finally made the call to set up an appointment for reconstruction. I am ready to again move forward but I wanted to give my body and soul some recovery time. I want some balance and am okay with little. :). I am headed to South Bend to get a copy of my medical records from my surgeon to take to the plastic surgery center and hope I can take this next step soon. I think about it for a year and now want it done right away.

Spring is Near

I sit here in the living room early on a Saturday morning watching the sun rise.  What a beautiful sight.  I continue to appreciate the very small things in life.

I saw Dr. Zon again on Friday and it was pretty uneventful.  They weigh me (ugh), take my vitals (blood pressure fine), ask if I am in any pain (like what kinda pain?), and then Dr. Zon listens to my heart and breathing.  Done.   Kinda strange.  I do have a mammo in May and will set that up soon and then see Dr. Z in June for my next 3 month appointment.  After that she will see me every 4 months.   I do have blood work done and will have another echo gram done in August I think.  Not really sure what anyone is looking for.  I guess I need to do some more research. 

I do know I need to step up my self care.  I have to eat better, keep moving more, and try to get my fitness levels back to last year.  Okay, maybe walking 15 miles a day is not going to happen, but I could walk 5 miles and be perfectly happy.  I will be more active and begin a journal for food, etc.   Those are things we all should do - ya'll.

I have no other words of wisdom right now.  Talk to you later.

Monday Morning

I am headed back to work after being off from work for 8 days.  I did check my e-mail regularly so all have been read and most responded to.  I did not go in over the weekend and all of that will wait until today.  It will help my day go by fast.  Tomorrow is Centreville and always issues. 

I have started to research reconstructive surgery and am getting a little antsy to have it done and have one more thing behind me.  However, this endeavor will be prety significant and right now with my job not the best time to be off for 6 weeks and not sure even the process as it involves up to three surgeries.  My hair continues to grow and actually looks more like a short hairdo than a bald head growing.  I do have lots of unruly hair growth though.  The color is still very salt/pepper and wavy in parts.  The tingly in my fingers is very little but still there at the tips.  My feet are another issue.  I have to be careful to keep them moving as they fall asleep very easily and I have pretty much tingling all the time.  I have almost gotten used to it and just continue to function.

I see Dr. Zon on Friday for my first 3 month checkup and will also need to do lab work for research.  I continue to be on high blood pressure meds and tamoxifen and may be on these for awhile.  I hope to get used to the time change soon so I feel more perky in the morning.  I hate waking up groggy!

I don't really feel any other issues except I am not who I used to be.  I also find myself much more emotional than I have in the past and I just thought about the tamoxifen and wonder if that has anything to do with it. 

Time to get ready for the day. 

March 2011

I know, I know, I have not been writing much.  Honestly, that is a good thing.   We just returned from vacation for 10 days in Florida and overall had a very nice time.  I think Florida in March is the way to go because it is usually still cold in Michigan and usually warm in Florida and when you return to Michigan, it feels kinda like Spring.  Even more so because the time changed this morning so I just lost an hour.  Ugh!  I find that hour very precious thank you.

Friday in the airport in Orlando is when I first saw the news about the earthquake in Japan and the tsunami that followed - wow!  The devistation is unreal and surreal.

I had a very emotional time in Florida and not sure why.  I find myself more and more wanting to be retired and not work and to just enjoy every day to the utmost.  Odd, because I have never really had that much emotional attachment to the subject before.  I want to work hard for a few more years, pay off all our debt, and then be done.  I know much depends on my health because I need good insurance, and the stock market controls my 401 so much is out of my control.  Ugh. 

I am going to have to break down and get fitted with a prothesis.  Summer clothes are much more revealing than winter clothes and I don't plan to have reconstruction until at least fall and more like after the first of the year where I could then go to Florida and recover. That would be my ideal situation. 

So, with all that said, I feel like I need a focus and of course the 3-day walk is on my mind.  I wonder if my knee would stand another 60 miles weekend?   That is my biggest fear and last year it did good until mile 59 when I could definitely feel the stretch and slowed down and really was lucky.  So, if I started walking more and more, build it up slowly, I beat it would be okay.  I would do Dallas in November and not Chicago in August.  And the reality is, any number of miles I walk would be a blessing, I could take shuttles when needed, and still accomplish a lot!

Time to change the time on the last clock so I don't get confused and think I have more time than I do - that didn't sound good.  :)

Cute Hair

At least once a day I get told by someone how cute my hair is and how good I look in short hair.  Now, I have had short hair before and I guess I don't put this hairdo into that classification and I know people are just trying to be nice, but really?   Now, that is not to say I actually don't think it is kinda cool looking and not sure what the color even is, white, gray, salt-pepper, silvery, but it is nothing I have seen before on me.

It is curly as it gets longer and like Cat I have a strange duck tail in back and I have long ghostly hairs on my neck which I need to get trimmed to make it look more like maybe I am trying to keep my hair short. :-)

All in all, considering all my body has been through, I am doing pretty good.  I have to realize it has only been 8 weeks since my last chemo and all the information is your body takes months like 6 to 12 to really begin to recover.   So, one day at a time, one week at a time, one month at a time, and before I know it, a year will have passed.  I have not really thought about a time frame for reconstruction - probably not until January 2012 but that is just a thought.  That way I could spend a month in Florida during the winter recouping.  :-)

Saturday today and I am working around the house getting ready to be gone for vacation.  My house always looks better when I am gone then when I am here.  Oh well.

News Update

Sorry, nothing really new, just thought I would get your attention.  :-)

I can't even remember when I posted last and I assume not since Monday.   I had my port out early Monday morning.  Had to be at Memorial by 5:30 a.m. and we did it with 10 minutes to spare even in the dark (no electric at home) and icy roads.   Good job Joe!   Surgery was at 7:30 a.m.   I had an option of doing a MAC which is like what you get when you get a colonoscopy where you don't know what is going on or you sleep but there are no tubes down your throat etc.    So, I could actually hear some of Dr. Thompson's bad jokes but could not feel a thing.  I woke right up and actually was ready to go by 8:30 and they let me walk out of the hospital.  I loved it.  I have not even taken so much as an apirin for pain.  I love my medical care givers!  By 9:00 a.m. we were having breakfast and trying to figure out what to do since we had no electric.  We both ended up at work - he dropped me off and then came back later.  By the time we got home the electric had just come back on.  

I am officially on high blood pressure medication and not happy about it - but it makes me feel a little better.  I hope after getting back into a workout routine, and eating a little more healthy I can maybe get off of it.  I am also on the tamoxifen which I will be on for five years and that has managed to give me hot flashes again.  Oh well, nothing much I can do.  My fingernails are a work in progress and my toe nails are ugly.  They continue to grow out and become more healthy.  My hair is growing sooooooo sloooooow.  It is getting a little thicker because I had a pretty good thin spot on top.  My eye brows and eye lashes continue to grow and thicken and gives my face a lot more color.  I do appreciate that.

Hopefully, vacation next week will continue to destress me and I will return to Michigan mid-March all renewed.

Far and few between

I can honestly say I don't remember the last time I posted.  My hair is growing - not fast - but growing and still is very salt and pepper - kinda of interesting.  I actually have some eyebrows and eye lashes.  This has all really happened in the last 10 to 14 days.   I still have finger and feet issues but don't seem to notice as much.  I definitely need to see my primary care physician because my blood pressure continues to stay high and things happening around me help keep it there.  My port will come out a week from Monday and I am ready to move on from there as well.   

Not much else happening.  I have not started exercising like I should, and watching my food intake is a hit and miss.  Oh well, I need something to work on.

Quiet

All is quiet.  I don't have much to complain about, my hair is growing a little and actually is a little spikey.   I am having effects of the tamoxifen which sucks but not much I can do so I won't worry about it.  Watching the news about the impending snow storm and my goal is to get home from Lansing before it hits - please.   I don't want to be stuck out on I-94 or any other road for that matters.  Ugh!

I have been feeling okay, and actually feel pretty good.  People keep telling me I look tan and I'm not sure what that is about unless they are seeing me just after a "hot flash" which provides nice color to my face.  :-)

Not much else to talk about - oh - it is February 1st and I continue to take each day at a time.

One Month Later

So it has been a month since my last treatment and I feel pretty good.  I had my port flushed yesterday in South Bend and when I talked with the nurse about my fingers and toes still tingly she said it will be more like 6 months to a year before it really is gone and sometimes there is always a tingly feel left or it may even come back.  So, wonderful - but I will think positive and just expect it to go away in much less than 6 months.  :-)  That's just what I do.

I did get the paperwork from Dr. Thompson and my port is being removed February 21st - President's Day - and I don't have to take a sick day to do it -woot woot!    The next day I have a board meeting and the following week - off to Florida. 

My eyebrows are growing back in and I can see them in the mirror, eye lashes are a bit slower but there.  When the bald spot fills in on the top of my head the short hair will really look kinda cute even if I still don't recognize the hair as mine.  Maybe I will be a new me.  But, if I keep this really short hair, I really need a skinnier body - that is soon in my plan to begin to concentrate on my health and fitness.  I have had a very sore left knee (it has been that way since walking 60 miles last year) and I am very careful to not overwork it.  However, walking is my saving grace and I miss it terribly. 

Not much else happening now.  I see Zon in March and actually, I think I have a conflict appointment - uh ho. 

At least it's something

Okay, I think I can see some eyebrow hairs in the mirror.  I feel so silly brushing on brows every morning - I will be happy to just have regular ones like other people.  I get lots of comments on my new hair - I only wear a hat now if my head is cold - otherwise, it is my new do.   I have been having problems with my left knee and no idea why.  That has slowed down any thoughts of walking.  Maybe it is psychological.

Tomorrow I have my port flushed and will follow up on the port removal since I have heard nothing back from the doctor's office on that one. 

That's about it for today.

Hump Day

So, it is the middle of the week, I am in Cass today, and feeling okay.  I went to bed early last night just because I was tired.  I never left Centreville until 5:30 and it was a long, long, long day, but I handled it pretty well. 

I think I still have all the same issues.  To be honest I don't even really know because I don't think about them really until I write.  When I take off my boots at the end of the day is when I notice of bad my feet feel.  They have to get better or doing any type of walking will be tough.  I will go Friday and have my port flushed and take off work a little and just enjoy the afternoon.

I am trying to set up my port being removed for President's Day but have not heard back from the doctor's office yet.  I think I will call them today since my office number changed and maybe they don't know how to call me.  

A Warm Up Today

That's what the forecast on WNDU  this morning and would be lovely.  It was too cold to be outside - I need to protect my extremities.  

I don't have much to update today.  I have on my list of "to do's" the need to call and get my port flushed this week and I will call Dr. Z's office and see if I can get the port out on President's Day next month.  Not much else in that regard.  

And that is all there - at least right now.

Kinda Irritated

I went to the mall on Saturday to an iPad class and ended up walking all over the mall looking for a winter coat after class.  I was getting hot (overdressed for inside) and my feet were terrible feeling (like falling asleep, tingling, feeling like crap) and I was out of breathe.   I just want things to go back to the way they were and I am afraid they never will.  Even my fingers are still alittle numb and my fingernails are still discolored.  I think I need to make a pack with myself and do a 30 minute walk every day (on the treadmill until the weather gets better) and just walk thru the feet thing.  Sometimes it may be mind over matter.

I plan to call Zon's office on Monday to have them set up the removal of my port and I also need to have my port flushed this week as it will have been 4 weeks on Thursday since my last treatment. 

My hair is growing a little but I still have the thin area right on top that I hope fills in.  The longer my hair gets (okay so it is just about 1/4 of an inch long) the more curly it gets!  At least Spring/Summer is coming instead of winter and short hair and the convertible will be fine! 

TGIF

Now, I don't think about this that much - I pretty much like every day.  But, I am ready for a weekend even if it is just a regular two day one.  I have a little tingle in my fingers, more tingle in my feet, nose is still a pain in the ass (just not as much) taste buds continue to get better all the time.  Hair is growing just a little, little bit, and looks a little fuzzier and I think it is gonna be butt curly as it continues, but who cares? 

I am getting more and more busy at work, things are kinda falling apart but I am trying to catch as many people as possible.  I just hope there is someone there to catch me.  :-)

I am blessed no matter what and I know it!

Hump Day

Unreal that it is Wednesday already.......the days are beginning to zip by and with them more and more improvement.  I am feeling so much better this week that I feel like I am beginning to turn the corner for shore.   I almost feel like working out, doing more after work, etc.  That has not happened in a very long time.  Usually after work (especially when I'm in Centreville) I am ready to crash when I get home.  Last night I actually stayed dressed until about 7:30 before changing into my sweats.  When I come home and change into my workout clothes and go down to the treadmill will be the true turning point.   :-)

This is a good time to thank again everyone who has kept me in their prayers and thoughts and continue to do so.  I also have lots of thoughts about where I want to take all this experience and put it to work the best.  Lots of opportunity to be involved - Susan G. Komen, ACS, more local charity, Michigan level, etc. etc.  I will take a serious look at where I want to go and better yet, what grabs me.

Time to ready for the day.

Not much

to report this morning so I will take it as just another day.  I have not yet started to take the tamoxen and not sure why.  I want to look up a little more information before I start taking it for real.  I had the thought of having to be on a medication for ever.  Still have all the same side effects with no real difference.  I think I can probably write in my blog once a week and have more update than daily.  

Long Day

but it was a good one.   I ran down to Mishawaka and picked up a steam cleaner for my carpets.  Just a cheap one but good enough for my old carpets.  Then met financial adviser for lunch in Dowagiac and told him 4-1/2 years is when I want to be done so he is moving some things around.  Oh, by the way, his mother had breast cancer two years ago and just went from every 3 month check ups to 6 month checks.  It is such a small world.

I ran into the office for a quick minute to do a couple things, came home, and now Caiden is just walking in the door because PaPa Joe went to pick him up from Kazoo.  While Joe was gone I made chex mix (had all the stuff that I needed to use up) and vacuumed and steamed the carpet in the blue room. Also sorted through some of the piles of crap and now getting ready to reduce the "lighthouses" to a much more clean and manageable look.  I will take some of the lighthouses to the Cass office. 

I took my two week photo of my hair and when I compared to the photo from two weeks ago there isn't much difference.  I know, gotta be patient.  Fingers are doing much better, feet getting a little better and tastebuds improving all the time too.  I do believe things are coming around. 

I will continue to take it one day at a time and be happy for whatever comes my way.

When Is Spring?

I don't know if it is my age or the chemo but I feel like my blood is ice cold and I can barely tolerate the winter weather right now.  I love winter and being outside, cross country skiiing, snowshoeing, etc. but right now all I want to do is bundle up in my snuggy and sweats and stay inside - what the heck?

It is like 17 degrees out and a little cold, but with the right clothes I could be outside with no problem.  Sometimes is just mind over matter.  I have done a few things around the house early so that is done.  I even may just quit procrastinating and go out and snowshoe down the lane at an easy pace just to get the time in and give myself a good workout.  Then I can soak in the hot tub, and be ready to watch the Bears destroy the Seahawks!   Wow, I barely have talked about cancer or chemo or side effects.  That is a good thing.

Fingers are a little tingly still (but better) and feet and making much smaller progress but some just the same.  Taste buds I'm not sure.  Some things taste better, some just blah.  Hair is really slow so have to wear a hat just to keep my poor head warm.  Ugh! 

Will enjoy the day whatever it brings my way!

The next step

so I think I am officially a survivor which the date that begins varies with different people.  For some it is the day you finish treatment.  Some the day you receive your diagnosis because every day after that you are surviving.  I think I will use December 30th - easy to remember.  

Dr. Z said my echogram was great, I handled treatment very good.  She is not recommending radiation because I only had one sentinel node that had any cancer cells out of the 5 they took.  However, some radiation oncologist would disagree with her and recommend radiation anyway.  She said she has never recommended radiation for circumstances like mine and never had a re-occurrence but she wanted me to know the option was there if I felt strongly about doing more prevention.

Then, she reviewed the notes and said the small tumor was a slight positive for hormone receptors.  She there is recommending tamoxin.  This is different than she normally would recommend but the Breast Cancer Symposium in San Antonio changed her opinion where doctors and research shows you should do everything possible for prevention and that you have many different cells that can get the different cancers and if there is just one or two cells lying dormant waiting for a hormone receptor to come their way to grab it then we should do prevention.  So, I will be taking tamoxin and if the side effects are bad then she will re-evaluate.  Ugh.  But that is okay.  I also asked her about reoccurrence, is having another mastectomy a viable option from a treatment standpoint since I was going to have reduction anyway.  She said no, not from a treatment stand, most woman never get cancer in the other breast.  However, if every day I am going to wake up and spend my day worrying about getting cancer on the other side, then it may be something to do for the mental health.  Of course, as anything in life, there are no guarantees.  There are woman who have reoccurrence and we read about that all the time.

So, I go back in March and will go back every 3 months for 2 years.  Then every 6 months for 3 years and the 5 year mark is the point where it returns to annual.  There may be a clinical trial available for follow up medication for hormone positive and I told her I would be interested.  Why not - anything I can do to help.

Oh, she also said eat healthy, get rid of the sugar and crap, eat lots of plant based foods, and exercise and keep active.  Maintaining a healthy lifestyle is imperative both physially and mentally.  :-)

She also said "take the port out" whenver I am ready - no reason to keep it.  :-)   I might do that in February (maybe President's Day) :-) and before I go to Florida.   Then I only need to have it flushed one time.  

I will definitely wait for 6 months or more before I contemplate reconstruction/reduction.  I really want to get a little more healthy.  That recovery time will take 6 weeks or more and I really don't want to do that until my job situation has been resolved.   Gotta stay real you know.

And then it was Friday

Another early morning and if it was warm and sunny out would be okay, but dark, cold and dreary just makes me want to snuggle up and go back to sleep.  Another week or so and my finger tips should be totally normal.  Feet are still much more tingly but getting better.  My little toes were actually like they were asleep most of the day and they are better.

Nose is just so so and I can't tell if it is th cold weather or otherwise.  This time of the year I always have a dried out nose.  Long weekend and while I don't have any special plans need to re-evaluate my life a little.  Time to start paying closer attention to nutrition and activity.  I have gotten pretty lazy and find myself sitting in my new leather chair ALOT.  My house could use attention, my body could use attention.  Time to get up and back to being busy me.

Things are fine at work.  Every day that goes by I get a little more comfortable and then something will come up that I have no idea what to do with or who to talk to about it......a secretary will be helpful and will make a big difference so it is not me trying to put these things together.   

I see Dr. Z at 8:15 this morning and will have a better idea of what is next.  Ugh!

Two Weeks Ago

since my last chemo.  It is one of those things that I don't know if it seems like a long time or just a short time.  In the big scheme of things, it was a short time, but everyday since is a continued land mark.   I went for my echogram on Tuesday and EKG yesterday.  I see Dr. Z Friday morning and hope to get only good news, but I know it does not usually work out that way.  Unless something else is going on, I will not see Dr. Z until April and hopefully all my heart tests come back okay.  My fear is something has damaged something and I need to get more medical treatment.  I will just do whatever I need to do to make it one more day. 

No real progress in other areas.  Hair still looks a little goofy, fingers a little numb, feet more numb, tastebuds blah.  Nose is still an issue but seems to be getting better.  I am ready for a three day weekend.

Where does the time go?

So here it is Wednesday already.  As of tomorrow it will be two weeks since my last chemo and I continue to move forward.  Fingers are getting a little better and I hate to say that out loud - feet are still pretty numby and like they are asleep but I keep wiggling them.  Nose is still a problem, taste of food is still bad - drank some oj and honestly if I didn't know what it was, I could not describe or identify it has orange juice.  Ugh.

Had echogram Tuesday, will get EKG today, and hope both of those come back good.  I am a little nervous that my heart has taken a beating from all these darn chemicals.  You all know I have such a big heart - I hate to have it damaged.  :)

My  BP was still high and I am going to have to break down and get another appointment with Dr. Patel (no not the Dowagiac one) and get that in check.  I also need an eye appointment, just because it is that time, and then the dentist next month.  It is hard work trying to stay healthy!

Well, everyone enjoy the snow, if you are traveling, drive safe, and talk with you soon.

Monday Morning

and that is all I really have to say about it.  I have a headache this morning and had it all night.  I didn't sleep well.  I managed not to leave the house all weekend except for dinner Saturday evening.  I did stay kinda busy.  Busy week ahead and I know it so that is on my mind as well.  Hopefully will have a new secretary soon to to take some stress off the admin support manager who is doing the work now. 

I am plugged up this morning and feel like I am getting a cold.  How did I manage to go months without getting sick?  I am so glad I am in Cass today and not Centreville - that might have done me in today.

Need more coffee, maybe that will help my head.   Hope for a better sleep tonight.

All day

I found myself busy with little stuff all day Saturday and didn't even think about it.  Did some laundry, folded clothes, put on a pot of Magic Mineral Broth from my new cookbook, went out snowshoeing and enjoyed being outside (even though it was a short workout).   As I was moving through the house doing stuff, getting ready for dinner I realized I had a very normal type of day at least for my mind.  It was good. 

I know it will take months to really begin to feel regular, but I don't want to use this as an excuse of not doing something or being just lazy and sitting in my very comfy chair all day watching old movies while it is cold and snowy outside.  Wait, that sounds like a great day, not being lazy!

Cheers to Sunday and looking forward to the work week - it is gonna be a busy one......

Something different

This morning I slept in until 7:00.  Okay, I woke up earlier but just didn't get up until then and I felt great.  It was a little brighter out already, I started the dish washer and I have a few projects to do today.  The snow is beautiful outside and is falling so thick it looks like fog.  I am going to snowshoe today even if just one time around the house, I am going outside! 

I don't have any change in any of my side effects, like fingers, toes, hair, so I will just not worry about it and just enjoy the day.  We also have picked dates to go to Florida - March 2nd through March 11th so I have that to look forward to and that will be my timeline - how long will my hair be by then - will it at least cover all my head and protect it from the sun. :-)   And the thought of just walking along the beach is enough to help me through the next few months.  January and February are hard months even if one feels 100%. 

Until tomorrow.....

The First Friday

A first for me today.  The first Friday I have not had chemotherapy since October.  I think this is the real turning point because up until today, it was just another week between treatment.  Now my body can continue to detox and heal itself.  It seems like it has been a long week and I am back and forth between counties.  The days in Centreville are just plain exhausting for me.  The drive has me leaving the house early and getting home later, and the atmosphere is just more chaotic with more conflict betwen staff, more conflict with the court and more demanded interaction due to circumstances.  Lots more complaints come into the office too.

I can honestly say I am not yet convinced Director is my destiny yet.  I am very lonely actually, and have no one to talk with or share or vent.  Ugh.    Time will tell.........

I'm w a i t i n g.........

I know I need to be patient but I don't seem to be making daily improvement.  But I have not even been done with chemo a week yet.  I think next week things may get better and then just improvement from that point forward and I need to begin doing measures on a weekly basis instead of daily.  I have that same attitude regarding my hair.  I am going to try and take a photo weekly and not really get into the issue of daily because hair just does not grow that fast.  I also find my hair changing texture and getting fuzzier looking if that is possible.  Lots of wild hair on the back of my neck and on my face.

Hump Day.

So, I still have two more days to work this week.  What the heck - I need a vacation.......

Things were kinda status quo today without much improvement in any area.  Of course, considering I got a year older, maybe that is okay.  I am getting some ghostly white hairy fuzz on places there shouldn't be, but after being bald in all places, I will take any little bit of fur.  :-)

Skin is dry and scratchy but part of that could be the hot baths I take because it feels so good.  Also, not getting enough water - still tastes yuck.

So, until tomorrow.

One Day Closer

to many things including the weekend.  Just kidding - I am liking the work week so far.   It may be my imagination, but I do think my finger tips feel better.  They are not hurting at all, and just feel a little numb.  My guess is after a couple weeks of no chemo things will really begin to feel different and better.  Right now it is just the typical few days after chemo and before the next treatment.  I also think my hair will take off a few more weeks down the road. 

I have been looking at the calendar for vacation and I would like to take off for awhile at the end of February, first of March and just figure out where to stay.  So many people in Florida it should not be a probably finding a spot and Chuck's house is always available.  :-)

My taste buds continue to be way out of sink and I eat just for the sake of eating - nothing much else.  No real tastes - actually, salads taste pretty good because they are crisp and full of water, and that is what I aim for - texture still. 

Well, time to get ready for work - all is good.

January 3, 2011

I am using the date for my title because I can't think of anything clever to say.  Today is Monday and I am headed back to work.  I will be in Cass on Monday, Wednesday, Friday opening the office at 7:00 a.m.  This was Chris' schedule and it works well for me too.  I like being in Cass and I find no matter how much time I spend in Centreville, things never get much better - so I will divide my time, and do the best I can.

Fingers and toes still letting me know they are suffering and I expect they will for awhile - maybe a few weeks and/or a few months.  I know sometimes the damage is permanent but I don't anticipate any of that.  My hair is beginning to grow - I found several long ghostly looking white hair when I dried my arm pit yesterday.  May sound weird, but I was kinda excited.  The chemo nurse also told me I may get lots of facial hair for awhile - same ghostly looking hair and suggested I visit the string lady in the Mall who does eyebrows and have her do my face.  I will have to wait on that one - I could pull my own hairs if they came in slow.  I was happy yesterday when I had my ND pink ball cap on and actually had hair showing - although it looked like a man's hair cut - it was still pretty white hair.  It looked great next to the bright pink cap!

January 2, 2011

How time flies - it is already the 2nd day of the new year.  :-)    I spent Saturday being very, very, lazy, but feeling a little renewed thinking about the things to come.  I also read the last book by Elizabeth Edwards - Resilience - and was a little disappointed.  It is almost all about her son Wade and his death and how she dealt with it, some about her father, some about her cancer, and some about the affair.  It was a quick read, but left me a little uneasy, especially knowing she has since died from her breast cancer.  Okay, probably not the best book I could buy right now.

I don't mean to continue to wish away my life, but I would be okay if the date was say May 2nd and I could fast forward to Spring, warm weather, and a few months of recovery under my belt.  I should be careful, as fast as time is going, it could be May in a blink of an eye.

I am going to East Lansing today and attend a Bridal Show with Aubrie and her mother.  I need to get out of the house, get back into something more normal, and take the Edge out on the highway to see what mileage it will give me.  I also do lots of thinking in a car.  It is like when I walk and think.  

I am also looking at my first week in a very long time when I have no doctor's appointments, not medical tests, and no chemo.  Wow!

January 1, 2011

So I guess it is officially 1/1/11.   That is a lot of 1's.   I started this Blog one year ago for the purpose of tracking my progress while raising money and training for the 3-day Susan G. Komen for a Cure in Chicago.  At that time I had no idea the blog would turn into tracking my journey against my own fight against breast cancer.  Even now, almost 8 months after hearing those first words of warning, the time has seemed surreal and like it is happening to me but I have never bought into the doom and gloom that could be part of the process.

Today, I look forward to recovery from the treatment and thinking positive thoughts that all the cancer cells are gone, that there will be no reoccurrence, and if there is, it will be caught early and taken care of right away.  There are no guarantees and I expect none - I just refuse to live in fear of something I have no control over and will live the best life I can, even more now than I may have before.

I will "dance" whenever I can.  That means I am not going to live for my job, it will occupy my time 7:30 to 4:00 but then the rest is my time.  I will be more kind, more understanding, and more content with less.

Right now I would like less tingling in my fingers and toes, and of course, more hair will be nice.   It is January 1st so a great day to renew commitment to a healthier lifestyle, commitment to being a better wife, mother, sister, and friend.   I will never take any of those rolls for granted.

I am blessed and I feel that every day - I wouldn't have chosen this journey, but I will learn whatever I can and do better.

Doom and gloom is over - I Love Life!