What is Normal?

I find my sense of normal changes on a regular basis.  I think I will never be the way I was two years ago and that is not good or bad - it just is.  I came home from work last night feeling exhausted and my abs were cramping and so flippin' tight.  But I cleaned up the house just because I could not stand it any longer.  I vacuumed, dusted, put stuff away, and found I felt so much better looking around.  This morning I am up doing laundry and looking at a few things I want to do including a little walk on the treadmill and some easy weights.  My abs are really tight but not painful - just really weird feeling - and I was thinking this may be my new normal. 

I continue to be very careful about lifting things because I do not want a hernia but I want to find that balance of what I can do safely and what I need others to do.  I find it easier to ask for help and defer to a younger and stronger assist to save my body. 

I do have to admit I am a bit of a sissy today - I opted out of the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure which is a run/walk and I did it last year but the weather was not inviting today and I am not interested in walking in the rain and I don't know I can even walk 3 miles timely.  I also am opting out of going and watching Caiden play soccer this morning.  Sitting in the rain is a parent obligation and not a grandparent thing - I have spent many hours under the umbrella supporting my child and enjoyed every second but now it is Carlos' turn.  Go Caiden!!

I think I have laundry to fold and dry and I want another cup of coffee so I will end my blog for today.  What is on your schedule today?  I did peak at the weather forecast and it looks like a great warm up this week.  I may sneak a nap in the sun because I am losing my tan from Florida and my dress for the wedding will look much better on me if I have some tan.  :)

Eight Weeks Plus

Tuesday, April 24th was 8 weeks post op and I am still very surprised by how much discomfort I am in two months later.  Darn, I keep forgetting this is going to take months and not weeks.  Given that thought, it has only been 2 months since surgery and I think things are progressing well.  :)

I really think things are improving but the tightness and cramping and pickly pain is there all the time unless I am totally stretched out and massaging my abs and get them to release.  So first thing in the morning I am moving okay, by noon I slow down alot and by 3:00 p.m. I can't wait for 4:00 so I can go home and get comfy and stretch out.  Tuesday evening Joe, Broghan, and I went to the COA track and did one lap which was .7 miles and I did better than I thought and I actually think it helped Wednesday morning when I got up.  My hip flexors are so tight from lack of walking that they actually pull all the way across my midsection right up to my rib cage. 

I am beginning to encounter another problem.  I keep thinking if I eat something good it will make be feel better but it does not and then I am full and feel worse.  I have to start tracking my food because I know while I have a really, really, flat tummy right now, the skin will stretch if I begin to put on weight and then all of this will be for naught.  So, I ordered a scale from Amazon to weigh my food, will begin to track and just do portion control, moderation, healthy as much as possible.  If I were physically capable I would get back to my working out but that will need to come more slow.

Overall, I am blessed each and every day which I know is a gift.  A staff person from the Probate Court in Centreville was doing chemo the same time I was in 2010 and actually had her last treatment on Valentine's Day 2011 so finished up 6 weeks after I did.  We shared hair stories and compared our regrowth with laughter and some other stories that were not good for mixed company.  I learned yesterday her cancer has returned.  I do not know the details, but I do know no matter how far along in your survival you are, this is always somewhere in your mind.  All I can do is live the best life I can everyday and take what is thrown my way with grace, dignity, and a will for survival.   Here is to Bonnie, my pink sister!!

Six Weeks Later

So, yesterday it was six weeks post op and I would have expected to be feeling pretty much back to normal but I continue to have a very, very hard abdomen, a sore chest, and sharp pain here and there like plastic sticking me.  I have some hard spots in my scar but overall I am feeling better this week.  I have learned to identify the little things.  I fear I may never be the same again, but if not then I will be better than before - whatever that will be.

I have very much enjoyed our time in Florida and glad we made the second trip down here.  I wished we would have been able to stay the entire time - I would have really learned to be retired then - but am happy we have had the last week and then a few more days.  We will head home early, early Saturday morning and drive as long as we can to reduce Sunday's drive.  We are very close to I-75 so it will be a quick trip to the freeway and then set the cruise and head North.  Hopefully, the snow will be gone.

I think today I may go to Saks Fifth Avenue and dress hunt a little today.  We have played at the pool and yesterday went to the beach so today  may be something a little different.  Of course, I will still get in my pool time.  Interesting, we have been to the pool at all different times - early morning no one is there, mid-day there are papas and mimis with their granchildren and about 4:00 p.m. all the locals come to the pool with their noodles and then get in a circle in the pool floating and talking.  All they are missing is a glass of wine in their hands.  Never saw so much white hair in one spot before but they all are very pleasant and again makes me look forward to a little retirement in a few years.

I am off to make some coffee and read some e-mail to see you later.  Keep me in your thoughts and I continue to pray for a smooth recovery (I gave up a quick one a month again). 

Here We Go Again

So, I have an early doctor's appointment (7:45 a.m.) and then the plan is to head south right after and try to make it between Nashville and Chattanooga TN before we stop for the night, and then make it to Sebring by Thursday late afternoon or evening.  After several days with Mike and Pat we will travel to the condo in Fort Myers and get in about a week of R&R I hope.  I have not looked at the forecast afraid to see something like rain and cold temperatures.  I have my sun block, and seveal bathing suits so I am ready to get a little sun (not too much) and continue to heal. 

I have been pretty active the last few days around the house, even weeded a few little spots on the front steps, washed and changed bedding, dusted, etc. and last night my abs were on fire.  This morning I feel better and I will take my pain medication while we travel to keep the discomfort at bay.  No reason to be in pain if not necessary.

We are packing a little lighter this time - we aren't going to be gone as long and I just simply things usually.  I am taking a lot less food that we never touched and I ended up throwing out.  I thought the car would be packed when I got up but it is not so I assume Joe is going to run around and scramble this morning.  If I could life more than 5# I would just do it myself - I hate being dependent upon someone else but I can't do anything at this point to hurt myself......

So, wish us luck on another safe trip South, I will enjoy the trip as part of the journey, and I have downloaded a couple new books to listen to on the way. 

Thanks to Cat and Sharon again for watching the animals and checking the house - not sure what I would do without them!!

April 3, 2012

Five weeks ago today I had my TRAM Flap surgery with great expectations that I would be up and around and ready to vacation in Florida for a month and then return to Michigan, work, and regular activity.  NOT.   But finally, while I am still very sore, pangs of pain shot thru various spots, my incision still feels like it is stretching, and one breast a size bigger than the other, I do feel better.  Instead of feeling better every day, I find I am better comparing weeks.  I feel better this week than last week!  :)  I also find the more Blogs I read the more depressed I get when I read all about all the problems individuals have.  I have been sticking with medical sites and found one that is very much right on.  It indicates recovery time is very long and the procedure is very painful.  It gives lots of good information about pain control, activity levels, etc. and wished I would have found it prior to my surgery.  It also indicates 8 to 12 weeks of initial recovery and upwards of 6 months to get back to any similar level of feeling prior to surgery.

I also finally contacted a person I know who had this same surgery with the same doctor and asked them about their recovery - although this was about 9 years ago.  She said she was off work for 8 weeks and then was still not functioning but about 80% and then worked a couple weeks just part time.  It took her about one year to really feel more normal but she also gained a lot of weight during that time and felt that did not help the process as it was always stretching the skin, scars, etc.  Now she looks back she would still do the procedure again just the way she did and has no regrets and thinks I am doing very well at 5 weeks.  So, while I wished the process would be quicker, I now know it will take awhile and it will probably be another summer with not much getting done - oh well.  :)   I always need an excuse to putts around and lie in a lawn chair under the trees.

I am hoping in a few more weeks, my progress continues so I can go dress shopping - I would really like to find something to wear for the wedding - I think I will also get some Spanx - seems like many use this to help with comfort as well.  It sure is hard work being a woman! 

I actually was pretty busy yesterday.  I washed bedding and remade the bed, did other laundry, brought down the rolling duffle to repack so we can leave for Florida Wednesday, I dusted and went outside with Broghan several times.  I even got the South Bend paper and the mail yestereday which is a first for both. 

My weight is still down and I actually would like to continue to drop some more but by increasing my activity level and not reducing my intake.  I am really not eating much right now - just not enough room in my stomach...........time to make a list of "to do's" for the day - see you all later.

Five Weeks Later

Tomorrow will be five weeks post op and I can honestly say I would never have guessed I would still be this uncomfortable and that the recovery process has taken so long - yet everything I read says at least 8 weeks and up to one year to get back to some sense of normal.   I can say in the last few days the tightness in my abs is different and the feeling in my stomach is returning slowly and my skin has sensitivity.  At night when I sleep I am most comfortable lying on my back and stretching my ab although it is tight like I have a corset on.  I still look really odd but the doctor thinks I look great - so much for the "eye of the beholder".  I have seen him a lot more than I expected but happy that his office gets me in anytime I need some attention and for that I am thanksful.  I even called him on a Saturday when we were in Florida to ask direction about fluid in my abs.  That is the kind of doctor I like and trust.

So, Wednesday I see Dr. Logan again to check my ab for any additional fluid.  He has aspirated my abs three times so far with the first time getting 60 cc's of fluid and the second and third times getting nothing.  I think the fluid portion is just about done and now is just is a continuing process of healing. 

The incisions all continue to stay closed and continue to heal and I keep the Scarguard painted on them to improve their look and eventually will use the Vitamin E lotion I have. Also, my belly button finally is almost all healed up and much smaller closing up more than I originally thought.  I would never have guessed that would take 5 weeks to heal either. 

So, the plan right now is to take off back to Florida right after seeing the doctor on Wednesday (April 4th).  My appointment is 7:45 a.m. (another thing I like about my doctor - he is an early morning person) and I expect clearance to travel and we will try to get between Nashville and Knoxville by day's end and then the following day get to Mike and Pat's for a few days before traveling to Fort Myer and enjoying nothing but lying by the pool or going to the beach.  I am so happy I do not return to work until April 17th.  I would never have been able to return after 4 weeks like some people have - I guess I am getting old or just getting to be a big sissy. Either way, I am taking my time.

I have been reading all the e-mail from the office and to tell the truth it is overwhelming all that is going on at work.  I have not even tried to keep up with it all - I did a couple days answer some issues, etc. and just find I can't think about it part time.  Staff is wonderful, stepping up to help and the help from Berrien County is wonderful and I will show her my appreciation upon my return.

I can say I am missing the office and again appreciate the simple things in life.  I am looking forward to working out, walking, riding bike, and lifting (light) weights to help bring back my fitness level.  I have lost about 10 pounds through this process and part of that is because I cannot eat much food and not hungry.  The pressure in my abs keeps my stomach feeling full so I force myself to eat and drink water to stay hydrated.  I am still shaky on my feet and that is weird too. 

Well, I guess I will end this entry and maybe revisit after seeing the doctor on Wednesday to update.  Think positive and use the power of prayer and by the way GO IRISH - did they get it done or what? 

Happy Monday everyone!