Week 13 and Counting

I meant to write this yesterday which would have been the actual 13th week but one day late is not too bad.  I can't say I am better this week than last week because progress is slow and I have resigned myself to the fact this may be as good as it gets.  I have constant tightness in my ab between my incision and my pubic bone and first thing in the morning it just feels like a very tight tummy but by day's end it is a little crampy and I am uncomfortable.  I have started just doing whatever I want with caution.  I am lifting a little more weight just being careful to use my overall muscles, I stretch when I can, and I try not to lie around as much which doesn't help except to make me fat. 

The wedding is this weekend so my focus is on that and not myself.  I just hope I can still fit into my dress.  I do have to say my girls have healed nicely and although the right side is still a cup size larger, I can see the possibility after the next surgery when he does some tweaking.  It is nice to have cleavage that is natural and I am not afraid to wear a lower top.  My bellybutton is still a little stretched and sore looking - I don't know because I still have no feeling in that part of my stomach.  There is a small band right in the center that is still numb and I would guess part of that will always be numb just because of the trauma is was under during surgery.  The scar continues to heal nicely and I massage in Palmer's Cocoa Butter with Vitamin E to keep it soft and reduce the irritation which I get from waistbands.  Now, if I could drop some weight - I know - just workout with Shaun every morning.......

I have a short week with the holiday on Monday and off on Friday.  I have meetings today starting at 9:00 a.m. and ending the day with a 5:30 pedicure so it is a full and busy day.  It makes it much easier to work with a schedule so full I don't have time to think or worry. 

I still see every day as a gift.  Yesterday was Marva's funeral.  Marva and I were married to brothers, Jesse and Pete and she was one of the funniest persons I know.  We were doing chemo at the same time and talking on FB.  She had lung cancer but did smoke her entire life.  She went into remission last fall but it came back in March and she suffered horribly and finally is now at peace.  Good bye my friend.   So many people around me are dying from cancer - but for the grace of god go I..........

Love, Laugh, Live!!!!!

12 Weeks Later, finally

It is interesting how relative things are.  I have been sick since last week with a sore throat, coughing, headache, and the coughing has really irritated my abs making them soooo sore.   All I wanted was to feel better so the only thing I had to deal with was my continued healing abs.  This morning I feel much better, less of a sore throat, less coughing, and no headache and my abs are tight but so much less a factor than before. 

It has now been 12 weeks or what is more appropriate, 3 months since surgery and I do feel a lot more improvement.  I am now optomistic that in 3 more months the pressure and tightness will be less and less an issue.  The tightness continues to play a part in my poor belly button not really healing - it is always a little pulled apart but since there is no feeling there (and may never be) it does not hurt but red and looks like it would be sore if I could feel it. 

I have gained back about 7 pounds and I am upset with myself.  I know I eat not because I am hungry but because I think I will eat something that will make me feel better.  Doesn't it make sense that if I have some chips or ice cream that will make my abs feel better?   So, yesterday I had to officially weigh when I went to the clinic in Cass and I was up 10 pounds (with all my clothes on) and I decided it was time to put action into place.  I know the chance of reoccurrence of breast cancer is higher if one is overweight, and does not take steps to stay active and eat healthy.  Every bit of junk, highly processed food I take increases my chance of revisiting all that I have been through in the last two years.  With that in mind, my eating last night changed drastically.  Instead of thinking those Lays chips will make me feel better, I saw them as a source of hurting me.  I ate some dried fruit (not the best but better than candy) and some venison. 

I have my whey powder on the counter to make my protein shakes in the morning to start my day with lots of fiber, some fruit, and some mornings to add some green (not this morning).  I will get some Shakeology when my other powder runs out.  I will go to Yoder's today and get some fresh salad fixing for lunch, and there is where I get my grass-fed beef (no hormones, etc.), and make the decision to feed my body healthy stuff.  Next will be more structured exercise.  I don't know I can do body pump but may try one class to see.  I know I can walk and maybe I can do some videos with modifications.  I won't know until I try. 

I am anxious to get back a little of me from a few years ago - that me who hiked the Grand Canyon three times and walked 60 miles in 3 days in the city of Chicago.   I am blessed and every day is a gift and I want to make the very most of it I can.  

And it is 11 Weeks Later

So here we are another week past and I am becoming more and more active actually spending some time in the yard working and weeding.  I am trying to be careful not to lift much weight so I don't break anything, but still able to function.  I have gotten used to certain things - such as the out of balance girls - it is like one needs to go on a diet and the other one had a facelift and looks much younger.  The remaining issue really is the continued tightness in my abs which is still very hard to describe and early in the morning less of an issue but by the end of the day when I am ready for bed I struggle just to get out of the chair.  I assume it will continue to heal more but honestly, I have to resign myself to the fact this may be as good as it gets.  If that is the case, this will never have been the best decision but one I made and will live with the best I can.

In my head I am ready to add working out to my schedule - easy workouts -  not anything crazy or insane like someone I know.  :)   I have not lifted weights in so long my muscles are melting and all that is left is a really fat body although I weigh less than I have for a few years - I am fatter than ever before.  I would also love to try and ride my bike and when Sue opens her pool I am going to swim because stretching in the water is heavenly and I am still afraid of the hot water in the spa and don't want to "burn" my scars.  Speaking of my scars - I still use the scarguard in the morning on them - but at night I have been rubbing Palmer's cocoa butter with Vitamin E on my long scar - it softens it up very nice and the massage action feels like it is helping the healing process - probably all in my head but whatever. 

Time to start the day.

10 Weeks and Counting

I actually had to count the weeks because I could not remember.  This is my third week back to work and it has been slow going but I am beginning to make progress.  I am always ready to be done at the office by about 4:00 but I have actually been more functional around the house after work.  I find that whether I lay done right after work or stay busy I feel about the same. 

It is very difficult to explain the feeling.  I have none in the middle of my abs and about two inches on both sides of my new "belly button".  It is numb from the incision to my rib cage and then surrounding the area it is tingling, sometimes stabbing like there is a plastic piece inside me, and then the tight, tight, tight, sensation.  I hope things continue to improve - when my stomach becomes "hard" it is very uncomfortable and feels like it is stretching my incision, my belly button, and my insides.  I am very careful not to lift or push to heavy because I do not want a hernia.  

I am seriously thinking about working out at 911 or joining SMC student activity center and begin slowly but adding some weight lifting.  My arms and legs have lost so much muscle tone........I also do not want to start gaining any weight and put any more stress on my body and losing weight and being more fit is all helpful in staying healthy.  I have made a point to be more active around the house and have been out in the flower beds working. 

I am still not at that point where I would say this has been a good decision but I do enjoy wearing clothes that show just a little cleavage and see something other than a hollow chest.  I also think after getting the tweaking done I will be more happy with the results as things even up and are balanced.  I don't know how much healing my abs will continue to do and I do think I am somehow just becoming less aware of the tightness and just accepting of the feelings.  But, I have to remember, months and not weeks, so it has only been 2-1/2 months.  Happy Tuesday everyone!