It's All About Attitude

So, last night after work I went to Darlene and Larry's house. Cathy came shortly after and then Randy stopped over. Joe was at a meeting. The agenda? It is a BUZZ Party for my hair. Much to my surprise when I sat on the bench to have Darlene do the honors, Cathy pulled up next to me with her clippers and Larry also had a job. The two Glynn sisters just figured out how to never have another "bad hair day" for at least awhile. In two weeks time Cathy's short do will look adorable with a little trim up - I will continue to sport the all natural look and it is actually a little fun. I do have a headache this morning and I just think it is form the hidden stresses and my head feels weird. Of course, Adam wore and wears his hair like this a lot and so does Caiden - kinda. Before the end of the evening Randy had his head buzzed too. Darlene went short but not a buzz with clippers - she may save herself for when Kathy (her daughter-in-law) has chemo and loses her hair.

If you are wondering what would this look like - scroll to the bottom of my blog page and get ready for a big smile. Life is too short to worry about your hair - trust me!

PS - I love my sister more than words can express - we don't spend tons of time together but the time we do is the most important ever.....

Just Another Day

The human body is an awesome thing. I am feeling so well this morning, no headache, no body ache, no nausea. I had a nice cup of coffee, watching AG day and going to wear my pedometer today and see how much I am walking during the day and try to increase those steps to 10,000.

Another interesting thing. Friday we went to Saugatuck with Chuck and Shelley and they bought me a hat (beautiful) and scarf. Those two items probably totalled $150.00 (I didn't look at price tags - just let Shelley pick out what would look good). They are both wonderful - hat is a faux fur and will be lots of fun to wear and I will continue to wear even with hair and the scarf is a blue and beige print very soft and classic. Yesterday, I ran into Target and got the two cutest hats - a black and white tweed newspaper boy cap and a gray/pink/white plaid cap for $9.99 each along with two packages of 3 inch headbands in black, white and navy blue. These two hats are actually adorable on and I plan to wear the black/white one to work today just to start the hat thing a day early.

I find you take a bad situation and make it as positive or negative as you want - I really have control over this and thank Jesus I am still staying positive.

A New Day Dawning

I am very hesitant to say this too loud, but I am feeling pretty normal today, no new side effect, stomach is in pretty good shape, no diarrhea in more than 24 hours, and while my head is itchy, I still have most my hair. Hard to understand how someone feeling so well is needing so much treatment to rid itself of such a fatal thing. I tell people I am the healthiest broken person I know. Everytime I go to an appointment they ask what medication am I on and when I say nothing, they ask about diabetes? high blood pressure? cholestrol? etc. Other than an occasional Advil or Tylenol I take nothing until recent. Ugh! We are going to dinner with Karen and James today for Karen's 60th birthday and then I will be in Centreville Monday and Tuesday, Cass on Wednesday and then Thursday is Chemo #2 so out of commission the rest of the week. I do have an extra long weekend to recoup. Also to experiment with my bald head. I will send pictures. :-)

Something New

Every day can be an adventure. Late Friday I got a new thing - my back is hurting - like pulsing pain with my heartbeat. Also, when I step down on my right leg the sciatic area has a sharp pain. I assume it is the Nuelasta delayed effects because that was what the nurse said - pain in my lower back/pelvic/sciatic area and to take pain killers for it - why it waited so long I do not know - but at least I wasn't totally taken off guard - just concerned because I have never had this type of back pain. I also am dealing with diarrhea every day. Mornings are worse and I am learning my routine and can't find myself driving too far without having had a few movements. So far today, I have been kinda normal (whatever that means) I stay hydrated and try to eat a little bit often to keep food in my tummy and I think that affects my constant need.

My head is very itchy and the buzz day is just around the corner. I have been playing with scarves and hats and I will be fine. It will take a little of doing to become more comfortable and I have a variety of head gear so - whatever. If the only issue with chemo was the hair loss - than it may be a bigger deal. I'd rather have a bald head than headache and nausea but don't seem to have that choice.

Here's to another beautiful August day - sun, warmth, and the love of family and friends.

Last Friday of August

It is very early - like 4:30 a.m. and I am watching Ag Day and on FB. Insomnia can be a side effect and so far I have not had that problem because I normally get up this early. Every day that passes I become more like me - but I know in the back of my head - next week I start all over again. At least I have some idea what to expect - Thursday is treatment day and will be okay - just kinda "hurry up and wait". Friday I will feel like dying - Saturday I will want to shoot myself - Sunday I will feel just enough better that I want to stay home so I can get back to work on Monday. Then every day I begin to feel a little better. If I had 3 weeks between treatment I could almost be back to normal, just two weeks, I only get close, and when my treatments become weekly, I have no idea how I will feel - just look forward to any and all holidays and days off (Election Day, Veteran's Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas) Then, if all goes on schedule, come New Year's Eve I can celebrate 2011 and my completion of chemotherapy. From that point forward it will all be about recovering from treatment. Wow, I have been rambling today - time to go.

One Week Later

It has been a week since my first chemo and I am still having some issues but feeling better every day. I am thankful I have another week before my 2nd treatment to continue to renew all those important cells. Hair is hurting and I think it is all in my head but real none the less. I still have some cravings (like crispy chicken wings) but I am trying to curb them with small helpings of healthy stuff. I don't want my usual junk stuff like chips or ice cream, I want FOOD like roast beef and mashed potatoes.

Joe decided to sell the ND v Purdue tickets because he is not going with out me and I will be out of it from my 2nd treatment. He is planning a Caiden and PaPa bonding of football. I will wait and see how that goes. I plan to be hunkered down in my recliner or in bed watching the game quietly. :-)

I am still thinking about my hair and it is very much on my mind until it is gone and then I will think about my bald head. Tried on my wig yesterday and while it looked okay, I did feel a little weird - like it's not my hair. I may get another one or two just to have a really varied look - I have never been shy about having different hair. :-)

Off to Centreville and plan to have a good day!

Smell the Coffee

This is the first morning since chemo that I wanted a nice cup of coffee. I had to wait for it to cool off a little because my mouth/tongue is tender which is normal. Your mouth is full of gast growing cells and that is what the chemo is attacking. I rinse my mouth all day with salt water just trying to keep sores away. Little things I am learning. Oral health is extremely important and will interfere with treatment if not taken care of. This is why you lose your hair - hair cells are fast growing, cells in your mouth and throat, and your skin and nails. All suffer from chemo. I have slathering on lots of Aveena cream at night, trying to keep my mouth healthy, and there is nothing I can do about my hair but start playing with hats, turbans, and my wig when the time comes. I know it will happen (one day next week) just not really excited. I hope I can just go bald and be okay - but I am learning I won't know until it happens how I will react.

The day is early but a good one so far - best day yet this week. Stay safe everyone!

Tuesday Already

I think this is a good thing when I cannot remember which day after it is. I am feeling a little quessy but that seems to be all the time now. My head is much better. I am hungry as always - I ate a piece of toast already and will make a couple eggs soon. I did not lose any weight today so that is a good thing. My teeth hurt, I have heart burn, my heart races a little, and I feel a little tingly. My port is still sore and seems pretty raised but I can't complain - better than doing an IV all the time. Hope for a good day and love 4:00 p.m. so I can come home.

My head is itchy but that could be just knowing I will lose it soon. I have to say - this is about the most god awful experience I have ever been through and would never wish this upon any person alive.

Monday

I never thought I would be so happy to see a Monday before but the weekend is behind me and I will take it - hurray! I am headed to work and hope to make it all day. I can sit in my office and type away if nothing else. I am not feeling normal but I am not sure if I know what that means anymore. The interesting thing is I am eating a lot and still losing weight - down another pound this morning. I assume this will level off once I am up and moving and getting back to a normal routine, until at least Sept 2nd when my next chemo is. I am afraid I will not be making many tailgates this year. I will just have to sit and watch from the comforts of my own home. Did you know Coach Kelly's wife is a two time breast cancer survivor - they are out there everywhere.

I have to eat my eggs and finish packing my lunch. Enjoy each moment.

Day 3

I am trying to write daily hoping that one of these days I will feel totally normal and not remember feeling so shitty. This is not who I am and I don't now how to react. I may have a bad day once in a while but not day after day. I think I am waiting too long to take my pain pills and my Ativan because I am trying to tough through it and I have to change that mentality. I ate a peach first thing this morning and it was wonderful. I want simple natural, fresh stuff. I have no desire for chips or candy or ice cream. I think taht is why I am losing weight too. I am down another 1.4 pounds this morning. I try to eat something every few hours but it is hard cuz nothing sounds good. I have my pot out to poach my chicken and then when it is down I will have my chicken and noodles ready to put together. Cook some spuds to to make mashed potatoes and my tummy will be in heaven.

Time to do a little laundry - gotta do stuff early because later in the day I am not very functioning. I can only hope this feeling is just about over. I got to get back to some sense of normality. :-)

Day 2 after 1st Chemo

I will admit I feel better today than yesterday, but can't imagine feeling like this for the next 4 months. And the side effects of all the stuff I am taking can kill you. I am trying to stay a little busy, do the dishes, do some laundry, take out the dog, walk around, eat a little every few hours. Unfortunatley I have already lost 7 pounds - not trying - just the way it is going. I took a shower this morning and it felt good. I am a little quesy and have had a headache since Thursday night. If I could get rid of the headache I know I would feel much better. The Mayo Clinic Trial medication does not really seem to do much for my nausea but the Ativan is wonderful. Right now I am craving mashed potates, with chicken and noodles. Gonna cook a batch later and savor it through the week. I really really want to go back to work on Monday and so am planning to stay put all weekend. This has interrupted my life so much and I don't know how to change it. My port is still sore but everything else seems to be from the chemo.

Oh, Friday I hade my neulasta shot for the white blood cell counts and she told me the side effect of that is pain in your bones. Sternum and hip/siatic area will feel lots of pressure and I may feel like I'm having a heart problem. Taking my pain medication should hep. Shish!

I know they hae always said the cure is worse than the disease and now I know what they mean. I have no medical appointments this week so I might make it through one day at a time.

Another Day

So, it is hump day, casual day, and one day closer to the start of chemo. I think I am thinking about it alot. So tomorrow it will begin and I will find out how I am going to react - I just don't want to be sick to my stomach. Ugh. I also want to be able to work for awhile on Friday. I need to be there to keep things moving along.

I am sore today from the port and my straps were bugging it as well. I saw Dr. Patel today about my blood pressure and she said it is fine. My blood work came back good with 180, cholestrol, good stuff 56 bad stuff 113. All in all not too bad. If I ate better I would probably do better with the bad stuff. I will work on that. :-)

I am going to watch a little tv and then maybe go out for a walk later. I also need to go get some groceries. So many things to do and so little ambition to do them.

Made it Through the Day

I worked all day in Centreville and not a single person asked me about the bandage on my neck except Chris who knew what it was. Interesting how people react. I wonder if anyone will ask when my hair falls out. :-)

The rest of the week I am in Cass. Thursday is my first chemo and Friday is my first day after and trip to SB to get my day after shot. I hope all is well. My neck is very sore and didn't expect so much my neck and more of the spot where the actual port is which is not so sore. It is tough to cough but I just hold my juggler vein and cough. Life is quite the adventure recently.

The Day After

I have to admit, Monday having the port a cath put in has been the worst experience so far. I had a headache before I even went to the hospital for the out patient surgery. I did not eat enough the day before and was starving and I had no caffeine so had that dull achy head. Dr. Thompson is awesome as always along with the staff at Memorial Hospital. I woke up in recovery and had the same headache. My blood pressure finally came down enough and I went to another room awaiting release. In there I had some water and a cracker. I was not feeling good but wanted to get released. I went to the bathroom and just standing up all my insides erupted and I threw up three times (at least I was already in the bathroom and made no mess). The nurse was wonderful and I got back to the room, sat for a minute and she realized I just wanted to go home. She gave me a big plastic bag and said stick my head in there if I needed and for me to go home and have Joe do everything for me. I got home, fell asleep in the big blue chair, took a darvocet and when I woke up from my pill I almost felt human. The port already has been more painful and caused me more discomfort than the mastectomy. It is going to be a long week - chemo is Thursday........but I have off Friday and then the weekend to recoup maybe. I know I can take on anything given to me and God has a bigger plan for me - he just hasn't let me know what that is yet.

Talk to you tomorrow. God Bless.

A Busy Week Ahead

So, tomorrow I report to the hospital at 9:00 a.m. and then I have outpatient to insert my port at 11:00 a.m. I should be home before 5:00 p.m. or at least I am hoping. I wished they could do this with just a local but I guess not. I just hate the taste of anesthia when you wake up after surgery - yuck!

Hopefully, I will be able to go to work Tuesday and then the rest of the week will be a blurr with chemo starting Thursday. Time to find out what it is all about. I bought a new book "Any Day with Hair is a Good Hair Day" and it is very accurate with tips about cancer. I have already learned a couple tricks and make things easier and/or what to expect. I don't think I can ever have too much knowledge about all of this. The author says you are the CEO in this business of your cancer. Is she ever right. Hurry up and Wait - another chapter and that is exactly right too. Unless you are living it - things may not mean much. Well, I am sure I will not sleep well and I can have nothing to eat or drink after midnight, again.

So Much to Talk About

Finished the Chicago 3-day for a Cure and am happy I still have all my toe nails. Not ready to sign up again just because I have so much on my mind and getting a break from fundraising and walking will be nice. This is the first Saturday morning in a long, long time I haven't been up and out walking all day just to repeat it on Sunday. I have been cleaning house all day and it feels great and the house looks pretty good too.

This is going to be a busy week. Monday I will have outpatient surgery at 11:00 a.m. to insert a port near my collar bone for my upcoming treatment. It will also be used for taking blood and any other IV issues. My veins are happy to have a break. Then Wednesday I see my PCP for just a follow up. Come Thursday I start my first chemo treatment at 11:30 and it will take about 4 hours. Friday, I will return to get my day after shot to keep my white blood cell count up. This will happen every two weeks for a total of 4 infusions. Then they change drugs in my cocktail and I go back every week for 12 weeks. I should be done between Christmas and New Years if all goes well.

I have learned to take all of this one step at a time because things change very fast. I just want to get it started so I can get it finished.

Dr. Z did say I will lose my hair two weeks after first chemo - like clock work. She suggests to have a "shave your head" event and take control about day 12. I think that will be a good idea. More to come.