Monday Again

Wow, it is Monday again and I think the days are going by quickly.  I have started packing for Florida and to be honest, don't know if I can wear any of the items I have packed yet since they are pants with waist bands, zippers, and buckles.  I will think positive and hope that at least by the last week I can wear regular clothes,  Yes, I will take all my comfy clothes and I need a couple pair of capri pants that are loose elastic waist. 

We went to the ND game on Sunday and stayed up in the Club the entire game and watched the game, ate, and had a good time.  I walked back to the car (slowly) and my hip flexors area already tight from lack of walking.  I was ready to be home after sitting up for 4 hours and my stomach area felt like it was on fire and very sore to the touch.  I thought I could come home and take a nap but was wrong.  I also thought I would need a pain pill but didn't need that either.  Tomorrow is the last game and we plan to go but again I just move slow. 

So, I will finish packing my stuff today and will let Joe pack his items and see how that works. 

My belly button continues to heal but not done yet and I can't figure out why it is taking so long.  I wonder if it is healing from the inside out which is what it looks like.  Since my ab is numb and I can't really feel deep inside - I can't tell what is going on anyway.  I will just have the doctor look at it tomorrow and make sure he doesn't have any concerns.  I am still not stretched out well and feeling a little hunched over.  I will practice stretching more and more. 

For the record, I am still not at the point where this has been worth it all - this may take months.  :)

Whatever!

I have figured out the best part of the day for me is early - not a surprise - but by 5 or 6 pm my abs are so damn sore, tighten and won't relax and I am itchy and sore from either moving around too much or lying around too much.  Whine, whine, whine.  We are going to try and do some errands today so I will test my ability to move around in public.  Actually, the first challenge will be to find something I can wear.  It cannot rub my belly button (which is still not healing fast enough for me) and can't rub anywhere from hip bone to hip bone.  A moo moo actually would work but I don't have any - I might get some though.  :)

Tomorrow is a ND basketball game for the women and we have tickets but we do have Club Namili tickets too so I can sit up there and watch, and stay out of the crowd.  I have done a couple things for the trip but other than packing my own stuff - I am not really worried about it.  I will let Joe pack his own stuff this time and see how he does.  My wardrobe will be pretty limited - I still think some sundresses will be needed to keep things comfy - especially while I am walking the beach.  :)

Here's to another day. 

Snarky?

I don't know if this is a real word but it describes my mood yesterday.  By the afternoon I was anxious, tired of feeling poor, and just plain in a bad mood.  So when Joe comes home and says "how are you feeling?" I just look at him and say "ok" and he can tell right away I am in a bad mood.  Instead of leaving it alone he comes over and rubs my knee and asks what is wrong.  Grrrrrr - so I just shake my head.  About 6:00 p.m. I decided I needed to go to the office and do some work on my time sheets before leaving town so I announced I was driving into the office but would not be gone long.  He than said he doesn't remember the doctor releasing me to drive.  Of course, the doctor never told me I could not drive - the concern is being on pain medication - which I rarely take.  So needless to say, I was in the office for about an hour cleaning up some time and expense reports, submitting my time sheets through April 14th and then just looking around and deciding I actually miss the office.  OMG - I guess maybe I am not ready to retire - but I will continue to practice and train for the event.

So, this morning I am up and feeling pretty good - but I usually do in the morning.  My belly button looks a little better today and I have all my scars painted with the Scarguard stuff (which stinks), and my highlite of the day as always is my shower which I will take a little later this morning.  I see the weather is another nice one so I will get outside and explore. 

I have to start a list of "to do's" before leaving town next week and so it will begin to be busy until we actually leave.  I forgot that Ashley will be here today to do her final visit  before terminating the home care nursing services.  That was very nice to have to at least make sure I was on track and no problems arising.  As with everything else, this has been such an adventure.

Ouchy

I went into the doctor's appointment feeling pretty good (mornings are better than afternoons).  While there Dr. Logan looked at all the incisions, etc and was pleased with my progress and said I was doing great.  He then directed the last drain tube to be removed, remove all remaining stitches (belly button, various points in incisions and then instructed his nurse to go ahead and remove all the steri-strips.  I think she actually missed a stitch or two that do not appear to be self absorbing so I will have the homecare nurse look at it Friday before I call to see if I should come in or can wait until next Wednesday.  So, by the time I left my appointment all my incisions were a little tender and I was feeling a little on fire.

I also looked at the drain tube after she pulled it out - just curious.  There was about 6" inside me and there were lots of little holes and several spots were filled with "stuff" so the nurse said it looked like it may have been plugged so if I feel swelling in my lower ab to call them in case fluid is accumulating.  Also, she said my body may just absorb the fluids.  Now, under normal circumstances I would know what to look for but honestly there is not much between my shoulders and pubic bone that is not rather swollen and puffy looking. 

My belly button is still pretty yucky looking and if I could get that to heal then perhaps I could pull up my loose pants off my lower hips.  I can't stand anything on my incision and since it runs from hip bone to hip bone - I am busting a serious sag. 

I also got some Scar Guard to cover the scars with twice a day which is suppose to help reduce the scarring and is only from a doctor's office.  It smells like finger nail polish and the nurse said not to brush it on any "open" areas because it will sting.  Ouch again.

Well, after the doctor was done he said "see you in 2 weeks".  Oops, we were planning to leave in 1 week for Florida.  So he agreed he would see me next Wednesday and then if all continued to look good, he would release me to travel and then see me upon my return.  This just means we will leave a little later on Wednesday than originally planned.  Of course the forecast for next Wednesday in Michigan is 80 degrees.  What the heck?  Oh well, the nice weather can't possibly be here for good and I am still looking forward to some fresh produce and the ocean. 

Two Weeks Now

I don't know if has taken forever to get here or it was quick.  Two weeks ago I was just getting prepped for surgery with little to no understanding of what was to come.  It is hard to explain how things are going because there is so much variation.  My stomach is tingly, itchy, sore and sometimes it will get hard and while not painful - just very uncomfortable - then is softens and is almost normal.  The feelings around the incisions are also coming back and again hard to explain.  The reconstructive part feels odd, itchy, hurts, heavy and not really lots of feeling every where.  Also the ab muscle is still stretching and sore around my rib cage and continues to keep me moving slow and careful. 

Ashley was here Monday and continues to report no problems and I am healing great.  She plans to close my visits on Friday as there is not much more for her to do.  My BP has been good, and she reminded me to take lots of breaks when we drive to Florida so I can keep my circulation flowing to avoid blood clots.  I told her a drink a lot of water and thus have to pee a lot so we will be stopping regularly.  :)

I hope the other drain tube comes out tomorrow and that  my belly button continues to heal - which is still looking pretty yuck - because if not we may not get out of town on the 21st until I have another appointment.  Ugh!  I won't make a problem out of something until it is a problem.  Besides, we really don't have reservations that cannot be cancelled with a refund until March 24th and that is in Kissimmee so we really have a window to play with - just will change our plans for Nashville and Savannah. 

Time to read the paper and then take a shower in a little bit.  Looks cloudy and overcase but I will get outside and enjoy some of the warm weather when I can.  Just walking around the yard helps my body.

Another New Day

Mondays are always a time of new beginnings - at least a new week.  I had a good sleep and even slept on my right side and then my left giving my backside a break.  Ashley, homecare nurse, should be back today and then Wednesday I see Dr. Logan.  My only concern continues to be my belly button healing.  I think everything else I am going thru seems to be pretty consistent when I read various blogs, etc.  Everyone has very different experiences.  I also have to remember it has only been 2 weeks tomorrow since surgery. 

The time change is always a pain.  It was later quicker last night and then this morning I layed in bed and did not get up until 7:20 the new time.  I really don't sleep much during the day so I like that I can get a good block of sleep at night.  I also cannot imagine sleeping in a lower bed as I still find myself rolling to my side and then sliding out of the bed with little effort.

I might dust some floors today.  The house is beginning to look pretty bad.  I asked Joe to bring down the light weight vacuum from the upstairs but he did not - just need to do a quick sweep of the carpet to scoop up cat hair and lady bugs.  My last tube is still draining and I hope by Wednesday it is done.  Having the other two out has been an improvement.

I do have to say I am very glad I have very short hair right now because I have no ability to really do anything with it.  Hopefully in Florida the humidity will give back some of the curl it has lost.  I have been thinking about packing and what to take.  I don't even know what will fit and not fit.  Again, it may be a suitcase full of sun dresses and very loose lightweight capris, etc. 

One Step at a Time

I had a tough day yesterday emotionally.  I keep thinking I will wake up and all the pain and problems will be gone and I will then recover quickly.  Wrong.  I feel like I replace one issue for another and I still cannot stand up straight.  The incredible tightness is constant.  The stitches are itching like crazy and the rest of my skin is dry even though I put as much lotion on a possible without getting steri-strips wet.  My belly button is still trying to heal and looks damn gross.  I have switched my shower routine to the morning just because the warm water on my skin feels good and then I can get some relief from the itchy.  With just one drain tube it is much easier to manuever around and it will be ready to be pulled in the next few days.  The other two holes are oozy and I keep them cleaned and covered trying to get them to heal. 

I am thinking about going out today just to get some fresh air, sunshine, and perhaps a quick trip to the mall to JC Penney.  Not committing to anything at this point. 

I will just continue to take one day at a time, hope to get permission to travel south on the 21st and then use the additional 3-4 weeks of healing time.......

More Progress

Two drain tubes down and one to go.  The third tube has already reduced i's output just in the last 24 hours but it will be fine - I would rather have it and not really need it than take it out too early so it will probably be in place until Wednesday unless on Monday Ashley (home care nurse) thinks it should come out and I can run over to Stonegate and have it pulled.

I do have to say the first tube pulled was in my lower left abdomen and no surprise and it was a relief.  When she pulled the one out of the right breast I actually gasped because that tube was way on the top side and pulled all the way through the tissue and out my side - OMG.  I am glad I did not know and by the time I realized how much it hurt - it was gone.  Both holes bled a little and now they are pretty dry.  My only real open area is the belly button and I am keeping that clean and neosporin on it trying to get it to heal up.  I really want clearance on Wednesday to take off for Florida on the 21st or at least get in to see the doctor 1 more time before leaving.  The stitches continue to itch but I can deal with that.  I do dream of soaking in moisture enriched warm water to soften all the dry, flaky skin. 

I slept well last night and slept on my right side.  With the tube in I have not really slept on my side.  It was nice to have another option.  I have a window of time when I feel pretty good in the morning and so I try to putts then.  This morning I have dishes washing, have some laundry going and may spend some time taking a nice shower.  I need some front zip sports bras for support so I may have Joe take me to Sears/JC Penney and see what I can find.  My wardrobe for Florida is going to be pretty minimal so I hope it is nice weather.  I am keeping it simple, simple, simple,  I may even get a few cheap sun dresses and just be able to throw on a sweater over.  I don't plan to sun bathe - but I do plan to enjoy the warmth and when in Miami just lying by the water and people watching.

Here is to a sunny and pretty day - and I need to remember to Spring ahead tonight.  Oh wait - I don't really have to worry since I have no where to be. 

Itchy, Itchey, Itchy

 Most times when you think about an itch is it not necessarily a good thing.  For me, the itchy of all my stitches is a very good thing.  Everything is healing and the desire to itchy is overwhelming!.  The steri-strips will fall off by themselves eventually and I assume over the next week they will begin to come off pretty regularly.  I shower every day just to keep the stiches clean and then dry and my skin looks like snake skin as I have not been able to slaughter on my moisturizer cream like I would like.  I have to carefully place bits of lotion so not to get the steri-strips wet because I do not want any type of infection at this point. 

I can finally say the only areas that are actually "painful" and cause me to gasp are the tube drain entries.  I have an 11:00 a.m. appointment at Stonegate and I believe the nurse will be able to remove 2 of the 3 drains which have reduced their output a great deal over the last 24 hours with one resulting in next to nothing this morning and the other just a little output.  The last drain is still giving up about 30 cc of fluid so I would rather leave it there and let it do the work now instead of worring about a pocket of puss later.  Oops, sorry for the graphics.  I have been able to stand upright a little more but am still struggling with the rib cage pressure and inability to move without some very uncomfortable pressure - not "pain" but extreme discomfort.  Hard to explain.......

Homecare nurse was here yesterday and will be back Monday.  It is nice to have some professional eyes checking out the incisions and seeing them heal well.  Honestly, I don't know how many stitches I have but I am cut from behind each hip bone across my abdomen and then each breast has about 8  inches of stitching.  As soon as possible, I will start using my Palmer's Cocoa Butter on my scars to help keep them soft and reduced as much as possible. 

Well, let's see what the day will bring.

One Week, Two Days

Last night was the first night I slept in the guest bedroom downstairs instead of the recliner chair.  I was very frustrated yesterday, feeling a little sorry for myself, and started thinking about what did I do?  I don't feel like I was making much progress, I hurt, I still have all my drains, I don't feel good, I am tired of walking like a zombie, blah, blah, blah.  I looked back over the past few years and have just always bounced back from everything sent my way.  I was back to work in 2 weeks after the mastectomy, I only missed treatment days for chemo and some days even went back in the afternoon to finish out the day.  I have no experiene at being this slow to recover and do not know how to respond.  I understand this procecure was 8 hours of surgery, but after a week you would think things would be on the heal - right?  So, I go on-line - boy was that a mistake.  All I could find were posts about all the things gone wrong with TRAM flap.  Ugh!!!!   - then I read some more information that says it will take 2-3 weeks just to feel a little normal, then 6 weeks to really be ready to return to work, maybe, and it could take up to a year to get back to where you were before surgery.  All of this is with a weakened abdomen and always being aware of what you are doing so not to get a hernia.

So, after having a pretty darn good sleep in bed (not much moving around), up at 6:00, drained my tubes, made a cup of coffe, I have already having a better morning and will try to take the pressure off of myself to be superwoman and to take care of myself.  I do believe by the 21st I will get clearance from Dr. Logan to travel south, and then it will continue to be recovery in a little warmer weather and instead of sitting in the living room, I will suffer by sitting pool side under the shade of a palm tree!

Bring on the day - I am ready.

One Week Later

Wow, it has been a week since surgery - actually it took most of the day so the one week starts about 5:00 p.m. I have not posted much and that has been because this morning is really the first time I have felt a little more human. I find myself lying still trying not to have to move because I find every bodily movement requires your core muscles and mine are all cut,sewn, moved, swollen,and just plain too sore. I do get up and walk about 3 or 4 times a day. This is to the bath room which happily causes me no pain. Then once in the afternoon I do my shower routine. I take off all the bandages on my drains and they are taped to my skin so they don't hang loose. I carefully place the drains over my shoulders to keep them up out of they way (they are very long) and then very carefully step into the shower and this feels so good. All my stitches are covered by steri-strips so getting them wet is fine. When done I carefully and slowly manuver around and out of the shower. I carefully towel dry every open area - the drain ports, the stitches of which there are about a total of 40" and my new belly button. Then I drain the tubes, measure, and recap them. I carefully dress in more loose clothes and by now waddle to the chair to redress and tend to the wounds. All of this is done in a crouched position because I cannot stand up straight because of how tight my stomach is. Back in the chair I redo the tape for my drain tubes so they don't pull on my stitches, then put gauze on them to collect any backup fluid (none since the first day in the hospital) and then put stuff on my belly button. I usually take a pain pill and go to sleep until Joe gets home from work.

I am still sleeping in the lazy boy in the living room because I can move around easily. I am not ready to try to get in and out of the bed in the guest room because it sits up so high. I think that will be just around the corner. Visiting nurse has not been here since Sunday so I expect to see her probably today. I see Dr. Logan on the 14th and hope to get a clearance by then to travel on the 21st.

I still have not reached the point where this has been worth it but today is better than yesterday and every day I a healing - this was just way more than I really imagined. Time will tell.

3 Days and Counting

So it is Friday and almost 72 hours since my 8 hour surgery. It has been more painful than I imagined and it feels like I have a cinch around my ribcage - the pressure is hard to describe. Today it is ot really hurting and is more uncomfortable than painful. The searing pain I had the first two days has lessened. It this is where the pain is and different sections are more painful than others. The incision is from hip bone to hip bone andI have not really seen it because of the bandages. I still have 3 drain tubs and I assume I will go home with them and hopefully get them out next week.

The swelling in my fingers is gone but doctor said my blood count was down which means I am anemic. Not sure what that will mean or what I need to do. I also have to had BM and am hoping I don't have to have a enema UHG.

Goingo 4:00 pm and I think Dr. Logan is in the building and will be doing some change orders. I still am on a " soft" diet but I have managed to eat okay. Once he takes the drains off suction I can get up and go potty with help to hook and unhook all these tubes.

Thenext time I post may be from home.