Glad that is over

I am feeling so much better this morning.   I was actually a little worried when I was feeling so poor - that is just not my nature and was getting a little concerned I was on a down hill path.  I slept much better, I used my saline spray in my nose and laid propped up by pillows to help my breathing.  Only had to move Bella once in the night.  Also, my stomach feels better.  It has been eating all the junk food really adversely affecting my everything.  Now, I can get back to dealing with one day at a time and enjoying the time instead of dreading every hour.

Joe has a meeting on Friday so Cathy is riding to chemo with me.  It should be quick as it will only be my Taxol - I should be home by 11:00 and ready to watch some movies.  :-)

Thank you - I am sure I feel better because all my family and friends are thinking positive thoughts!! 

It's ok sometimes

to have a bad day - right?  I woke up feeling like crap.  I can't breath at night and wake up to drink water and try to rearrange myself.  Bella has been sleeping on me and that is not comfortable.  I had a slight headache yesterday and it was there still this morning.  I think I am eating way too much crap and it is showing - nothing tastes good so I eat whatever.  I bought some oranges and bananas at the store and hope that tastes okay.  Maybe just switch to fresh salads, etc. I might as well eat healthy if nothing tastes good anyway.  My fingers are very tingly this morning and I have numbness from my port like crazy.  Ugh!

I think I will try to walk at 4:00 as I am in Cass today - taking Broghan out - and then just head downstairs and put up the tree.  I know I will feel better when it is up.  I also need to just be a little more active - sitting in my chair all the time has become too easy.   

I am beginning to believe I don't feel as good as I think but feel better than I thought.  Right?  :-))

The Season has officially begun......

The Christmas season is here and I want to begin to think about decorating and cookie baking and wrapping presents and all the great things about this time of year.  I just have to balance it with treatment and the anxiety of being done.  The days will go by very fast and somehow add the Christmas stuff into all this - ugh!   I think I will put up the tree today after Adam and Aubs leave beause I need a little Christmas something.  It will make walking on the treadmill a little merrier too.  Hohoho - it is Christmas time!   I think will put out my lites on the porch too.    I do believe I am getting in the spirit of stuff.

I have problems sleeping at night not being able to breath and then my mouth getting so dry I wake up and then I need to drink water and struggle to go back to sleep.  I honestly think I would rather be bald than deal with the nose issue indefinitely.  

And then there were five

Because of the holiday, the Mishawaka office was open for chemo on Friday and it was a busy place.  Jackie was my nurse and I have had her several times in South Bend.  She actually lives in Sturgis and we have had several talks about St. Joseph County.   I was done by about 11:00 because I had the clinical trial drug so it took a little longer.   That finishes out the month of November and now we are truly into count down mode.   I did sleep during the entire treatment not really aware of much around me.  But, when I got home I was awake, and up until after 10:00 p.m. and then up at 3:00 a.m. this morning.  

I don't feel any other side effects, but will wait to see what will come.  I only need to use three more days of sick leave as the last two treatments fall on days off from work.  I do need to use a few hours of annual leave before year's end or I will lose them as I will be topped out of leave.  This has never happened to me before.  That number won't increase until I hit my 15th year anniversary and that won't be until 2012 so I need to use up a few days sometime and then plan a vacation later in the year after I have a better sense of this new job. 

Black Friday

So, the traditional day after Thanksgiving is here and instead of getting up early to go shopping, I am getting up and heading out for my weekly chemo treatment.  Because of the holiday, only one treatment center is open so we are going to the brand new facility on Douglas Road by the new hospital.  I am told it is "very nice" and it is closer to the mall so we may have to pop over and see the deals.  I really only have one thing I wanted to look at for Caiden and then maybe pop into Macy's to get some half off Kuerig coffee pods.  

I am really thinking about an iPad for Christmas/Birthday from myself...........if anyone wants to contribute just let me know and I will come collect.  :-)    I had a very nice day yesterday and as always ended up eating way too much - I'm glad I don't weigh-in today cuz it would be ugly. 

Time to start going downstairs on the Wii and start moving those hips doing the hula hoop and Segway game.  I also found the Sport games so I an bowl and play tennis.  Hey, a calorie burned is a calorie burned even if I look silly doing it.  I think the official Holiday Season is here.  I just hope I an fit into my clothes come January 1st - I know what my New Year's resolution will be...........

Happy Thanksgiving

What a difference a year makes......I am sitting here early in the morning.......looking forward to the day and while it will be just Joe and I most of the day......I am totally fine with that because I am on the road to recovery, feeling pretty darn good for all I have been through and looking forward to the future.

I saw Dr. Z yesterday and gained another 4 flippin' pounds......she is not concerned but I am and I want to get back to being me and working out and walking and having a goal other than just getting through my weekly chemo.  The closer to the end I get the more impatient I become.  So, I need to regroup, keep an eye on January 1st and the beginning of a New Year in so many ways.

I still have all the stuff, tingling hands and feet, dry nose, no taste, and I have spots of numbness from my port,  but  it will all be coming to an end and my goal for 2011is to be more healthy than ever before and the best physical shape I can be as a 55 year old woman.  Bring it on!

Just Noticed That

This morning I realized several things, my sense of taste is greatly affected - everything tastes kinda like metal.  I have had to add lemon juice to my water so I can tolerate the taste.  Then, my sense of smell is really off too.  Finally, the tingly in my hands and feet has become more prominent - not disabling - just more present.  I also see that my hair is growing on my head but strange - looks like white hair and like it is electrified and weird........maybe I am just being too observant.

The Holiday Season

I think this week officially starts the Holiday season, especially since it is a 3 day week, and then Black Friday, etc.   I am not doing Black Friday since chemo is at 8:30 a.m. but I probably will hit a store or two on the way home before I nap. 

I plan to call Dr. Thompson's office again today and get a prescription.  Then I will contact River Bend Cancer Services and take advantage of the services they offer.  Today I will meet the Cass DHS Board with Chris, I know 2 of the 3 already and Iw ill be happy to have that over.  Tuesday is the St. Joe DHS Board and I don't know any of them.  Going to be an interesting week.

I have tingling in my hands more than in the beginning, but not enough to cause any problems.  I also don't feel much soreness from my lite workout - I will do that again after work.  Maybe my 30 minutes will come outside with Broghan - that would be good for him and me.

Two blogs in one day.........

I just had to add another entry today.  I actually went downstairs, did 30 minutes on the treadmill listening to a BOT, then did a few lite weights and some ab work.  It was a good feeling and I hope I can build upon this.  I took it easy and will continue to do so - my goal is not to break a body soaking sweat, just increase my heart rate a little, and begin to burn some of the extra calories I am putting on.    I don't want to buy any "big" clothes.

Fall is in the Air

So, what is there to say?   I don't have much except I tend to procrastinate about beginning to work out and not sure why.  I did go downstairs and set up the treadmill, pulled out the smaller hand weights, and charged up my iPod.  All I have to do is actually put on my clothes, shoes, and just walk down the steps.  I know once I did it 1x - I would be right back to it - so what is holding me back? 

I am even thinking about another wig today and not sure why.  I guess I am missing hair and when I see someone's pretty hair I long for mine.  I don't want to spend a lot of money, but if it was a nice one with a cute style I could wear it even after my hair came back to change from short, to long, to medium depending on my fancy - right?   I am watching QVC this morning - time to get the paper and begin this great day.

Yippy!

While at treatment yesterday the research nurse brought me the December calendar and they did change my last two treatments to Thursdays.  So that means I don't have to miss but 3 more Fridays of work, because the office is closed Dec 23 and 30.  It also means that my last treatment is December 30th, and that New Year's Eve will truly be a celebration for Joe and I this year.  I am very happy..........  On December 17th the clinic trial will be unblinded. This means I will find out if I have been getting the placebo or the drug and if I have been getting the BEVA if I am in the next arm to continue the Beva.  If yes, I would continue treatment once every 3 weeks for I believe another 6 months.  Now, that will be the time I will make a decision to continue with the clinical trial or decide to end my portion there as my actual treatment will be over. 

It will be a difficult decision and one I will not worry about until the time comes.   In the meantime, I will just look forward the completion of what I know.  

Yes......?

It has been a good (but long) week and I am ready to get another treatment off the list.  I can say I am getting tired of going.  I wished I wasn't so tired afterward so I could just drive myself.   I do enjoy my time with Joe and to be honest this entire process has brought us so much closer that I never imagined having this type of relationship with him.  We have only had one real conflict and this happened early in the process when we first started getting all the information and the topice of bi-lateral mastectomy was mentioned.  Since that conversation, we have not had one (or even two) cross words.  Maybe that is another positive from a negative.  :-)

I will be half way done after today, next week is short with board meetings on Monday and Tuesday, off on Wednesday for Dr. Z and then the 2 day holiday.  Wow, soon it is December.

I still take one day at a time and don't get too overloaded with any one thing.  Time for more coffee.

Week Is Over Again

So the weeks seem to fly by like days used to - sign of getting older?  Last day of work this week and I have mixed feelings because I like 4 day weeks!  :-)   I will be down to the last 6 treatments after tomorrow.  Funny how I am always looking at the next number.  I have 7 more treatments right now but after tomorrow down to 6 so that means I am already thinking about 5!   The one problem I am having - I am getting fat!  I have never felt so fat!  My mid-section is just packing on the fat - which is one area I have never really had a problem with - usually falls to my hips.  This morning I weighed in 10 pounds heavier than 2 months ago.  So I guess the days of eating whatever just to try and keep weight on is over and time to take better care of myself.  I don't have cravings any more, I have no reason not to be more active, and while a lot of stuff doesn't taste good (my taste buds are still out of wack) I like the taste of salads, etc.   So Cindy, get out of your nice new leather chair, and move this weight off........

Hump Day

Actually, it is more than that since I only work 4 day weeks lately.  Headed to Centreville for the day, work on spreadsheets, and deal with personnel crap.  I am feeling well and don't know why.  Maybe I am entitled to a slump day just because.  I will take it.  I looked at my hair close and it looks like the white fuzz is growing a little.  At this point I would take white hair - it could be my new conversation piece!

The Nose Knows

and that is all I have to say about it.

Watch Out Deer

This is the time of year when it is dangerous to drive down the road beause the hunters in the woods scare the deer into running across the fields right into the side of cars.  I have been lucky not to hit a deer, ever.  I always think about all the medical treatments I am undergoing and how my odds of being killed in a car accident are higher.  I don't know if that makes me feel better or worse.  :)  

Full work week except for treatment and then next week is short again.  Had a tough day yesterday and not sure why.  Just not feeling "normal" whatever that means.  I hope getting up and out to work will help, or at least take my mind off my issues.  I know part of the problem is looking in the mirror and getting really, really, tired of the face looking back.  7 more treatments - let's get them done!

November

I just realized it is almost the middle of the month already.  Tomorrow is opening for deer hunting - unbelieveable how fast the days are going by.  It is about mid-day and I have on my exercise clothes to go down stairs and walk on the treadmill for 30 minutes, do a few light weights, and start doing this workout thing!  I keep talking about it and now need to put it into action.  My nose continues to do a little better and I actually slept from about 10:00 p.m. until 6:00 a.m. with just a few times of waking up and then back to sleep.  However, I did not take a nap all day and stayed pretty active.  Ugh - I guess that is the answer - no more afternoon napping.  :-)

My eye lashes continue to thin out and it only makes me look like I am sick - I'm not really - or at least I don't think I am.  Maybe I won't really know that I feel bad until I am done with treatment and then I can compare.

I think I am rambling because I don't really have anything to talk about.  See ya tomorrow.

Interesting Day

Treatment was quick on Friday even with having lab work.  I was done by 10:30 and had to wait for Joe to shut down the computer.  I was very tired though - the Benadryl does a job on me and I came home and watched a movie and slept some.  By 5:00 p,m, I was feeling pretty and started moving around and doing some housework.  I had no nose bleeds all day and that is quite an accomplishment.  I did do some work from Groupwise but nothing much going on at the office. 

I am writing this Blog at 2:30 a.m. Saturday as I have been up for awhile - just can't sleep with all the office stuff on my mind.......I guess it is time to seriously look at working out and being much more active thru the day and hoping to sleep at night.  I have never had a problem sleeping before. 

I am down to 7 more treatments and for some reason things seem to be dragging.  Next week is a longer week with no holidays - darn!  Then of course Thanksgiving week - I have a Dr. Z appointment at 10:30 am on the 24th, but will return to Cass to work.  Then Thursda off, Friday is chemo, and the weekend. 

Well, time to go see if I can get some more shut eye.

Up Already

So, I have the day off for Veteran's Day and at 2:00 a.m. I am wide awake thinking about work stuff. Ugh.  I seem to spend all my time dealing with personnel issues and conflict between people instead of just having people do their work.  I was in staff meetings most of the day, then had a meeting with the contract administrator when my nose started to bleed and I felt bad but it is what it is.  Then my phone rang, I turned to answer it and was alittle irritated with the caller, when I turned around the administrator was gone.  I would have run too.  I have to be so careful of my nose lately.  Hope that will end when chemo is done.   I have treatment tomorrow and just ready to get another one done.  I have so much to do and this treatment stuff is getting in the way.  :-)  I guess it's a good thing when I don't have any thoughts about dying.  I am more worried about living and having all this crap to take care of. 

I hope I can find something to spend my money on in Michigan City today.  Caiden, Joe and I are headed that way early. 

Not Really a Big Deal

Spent the day Tuesday in Lansing with Chris and never once did my medical status come up in any conversation with him or any one else at the meeting.  What a wonderful day.  Now I do believe that some e-mails and/or phone calls will be exchanged in the next day or two for people I saw and was a little taken aback but otherwise, it was a great day of just concentrating on business.  I am looking forward to getting back to that status quo.  

As of December 12th I will be "Acting Director" for Cass/St. Joseph DHS and it seems surreal and not sure how I got here.  I know there will be a number of applicants actually applying for the position when the process gets to that point, but in the meantime, I will take every opportunity to do the best job I can, learn everything there is, and go for the permanent appointment when available.

Oh, and it is already mid-week, tomorrow we are off for Veteran's Day and then Friday is my chemo.  Bring it on.

What Can I Say?

Nothing - slept good, walked last night after work, headed to Lansing today with Chris.  Looking forward to a new challenge at work and ready to put all this chemo stuff behind me - all in due time.  Enjoy the day.

What's Up?

Monday morning, busy weekend done, short week ahead, weather suppose to be pretty good for November.  That's all.

N/A

I just don't have anything to report.  I never did go workout but not because I felt bad or anything, just too darn cold outside and then got busy doing other things around the house.  We went out to dinner last night which I don't do much just because I don't like being around large groups (trying to stay away from colds/flu) and then out seeing people for the first time and having to "go there" with them.  But, it was a nice meal and I ate healthy too.  Only one person came over and inquired. 

I love it when people tell me I look great - uhm, compared to what?  heeheehee.   I will enjoy this great Sunday and look forward to a busy week. 

New Topic

I think I am going to change topics for my blog.  I don't seem to have anything to report.  Even my nose has been doing better.  Other than no hair, I am doing very well and am ready to start working out and lifting weights with the blessing of Dr. Z. 

I put a new battery in my pedometer so I can start getting in those 10,000 steps a day.  Maybe if I get a little more active I can sleep better because I am only getting about 5 hours a night and that is so not me.  It is finally 5:00 a.m. and I have been up since 3:00. 

4 Down 8 More To Go

Home before noon and I even had the extra clinic trial drug.  Helps when I do blood work earlier in the week.  But really, where else am I going after chemo?  I have been sitting and watching the snow fall (very cool) and watching some TV.   I watched "My Sister's Keeper" and was interested to see the ending of the movie is totally different than the book.  Oh well.  

I have no headache, to tummy ache, no ache of any kind.  Am doing some laundry, but not much else.  I think I will go workout at 911 center tomorrow and just start the light weight routine and a little steeper action.  Time to get back to normal.

Friday

Treatment at 8:30 and hopefully back home by noon.  Not much planned and just hope I continue to feel good like the past few treatments.   ND has a bye so no games to really watch, and not sure what the weather will be.  I have the go ahead to work out so time to get myself on a plan and begin taking even better care of myself. 

I think my nose is even getting better - wow - I do believe I am turning the corner. 

Another appointment

So Dr. Z could not see me Friday so I went to see her yesterday.  Had blood work too so Friday should be a quicker treatment.  All numbers look good, no issues, got the okay to workout and lift weights - just take it slow, do lots of stretching, and keep hydrated.  I have started to put on some weight as my stomach adjusts and  don't want it to get out of control.  I also haven't lifted weights in a very long time and feel like I am becoming mushy.  So, I will try to put together a routine that will meet my needs for right now, burn some calories, build some muscle and keep me healthy.  I have downloaded a couple meditation tapes to help with relaxation, and I want to get a simple Yoga routine for morning and/or evening stretching, and then about a 30 minute light weight routine to use 3-4 times a week. 

I am feeling pretty normal but when I look in the mirror it is scary.  My eyebrows have become very thin and my lower eye lashes are almost gone except for a little fuzz so not much for my mascara to hang onto.

I am getting a little tired of looking at that face - it doesn't match how I feel.  Well, off to work in Centreville and then chemo tomorrow.  Here comes the weekend already. 

The Next Day

After the Republicans balance the budget, erase the deficit, find jobs for the unemployed, and stablize the economy, I wonder if they can find a cure for cancer.  Ugh, at least the campaign ads are over awhile.   The only thing that continues to be a pain is my nose.  It is dry and cracks and bleeds, and then gets scabbed over and then feels horrible inside my nose and I mess with it, finally I am able to blow my nose and all the "stuff" comes out and then it starts all over again.  Eventually at night I end up breathing through my mouth which dries that out and I wake up and drink water to wet my whistle, and then I have to go to the potty.  NO wonder I wake up and get up at 3:00 a.m.  Easier to take a nap then to stay asleep.

Tomorrow is the last day of the week and then treatment - after Friday I will be down to 8. 

Election Day

I almost forgot to write in my Blog this morning as I am more focused on going into the office and letting in a worker, then heading to Kohl's to do some shopping, then getting some groceries and hopefully home by noon to do a few things around the house.  I am way too busy to be thinking about the big "C".  Time to move on past this.......oh yes - I need to go vote too.   I am sure if the Republicans take back control things will be all better.  :-)

New Month

Time to change the calendar to November.  Can't believe how fast the days have gone by considering I started my first chemo August 19th.  I know I keep saying this but I have 9 more to go and Friday is just around the corner.  I know this is going to go very fast and before I know it 2011 will be here and a new adventure both personally and professionally.  We are definitely going to Florida in January just to get away and I will request the time off from Chris before he leaves.  Whether or not I will use it all is yet to be seen.  Hopefully in the next few weeks Cass/St. Joe will know what is happening and that will make me feel a little more reassured I have a job.  I am not worried about being director, just about being able to work like I have been.  I have anywhere from 3 to 5 years to work before retiring and would like to make as much money as I can.  :-)   Interesting how I talk about things other than my cancer - that's a good thing.