Finally - something tangible to do

Although yesterday was busy, it was very productive.  First, at 8:00 a.m. I met with Dr. Patel and reviewed the Health Diagnostic Laboratory Report for which reported cardiovascular risks.  Very interesting and a little concerning all at the same time.  Just a few surprises.

Overall my cholesterol is not bad but the makeup of my cholesterol is what I need to work on.  I have more small granuale particles like sand and fewer large particles.  So I will take nonflush Niacin to try and improve that ratio.  If the OTC Niacin does not make much difference she will give me a prescription strength.  Then it reveals I am Vitamin D deficient which is strange because I feel like I am out in the sun at least every day so now I will take 2000 mg daily and strive to get 15 minutes a day of sun.  I also am low on Omega-3 so now I have fish oil (ugg) 1-2 grams a day.  Plus she wants me to take calcium regularly which I should have been but didn't.  So, I went to Sams Club and bought Centrum Silver for women over 50, calcium with Vitamin D, Fish Oil, and Niacin (nonflush) to keep my face from turning bright red.  I must say 3 of the 4 pills look like horse pills and the thought of swallowing these every day is not a happy one.  I also am a little overweight and she would like to have me lose 15 pounds in the next three months and I have an appointment to return for follow  up labs to check my levels again.  So, this should be the motivation I need to get back to what I know to do.  Losing weight, eating more healthy, becoming moderately active every day will help in so many ways. 

As if that was not enough information to absorb, I went to my physical therapy evaluation in Mishawaka.  It was very interesting and not a much of a surprise either.  Many of the stretches and abs strengthening exercises she gave me were yoga poses and/or I have done on my balance ball.  She did give me some specific things to do, how often to do them, and what to watch for and how to increase intensity.  I will go back in two weeks and she will re-evaluate.  She said I have tightness over an underlying weakness so I need to work on improving my ab and lower back strength in balance while working on strengthening and opening up the diaphram and abs and my quads are very tight - not so much my hip flexors.  I will get the blue room cleaned up and set up my yoga spot and put all this to work.

I feel like I am finally on a better road to recovery and appreciate all my doctors and medical providers.  I also appreciate my insurance - I have my deductible already met and have been approved for up to 90 PT sessions in a calendar year.  Hopefully, that is more than I will ever need for anything.

Off to do my "bird dog" stretch!

Bad Day

So, I believe everyone is entitled to a bad day every once in a while and mine was yesterday.  It was nothing big and bad except I was uncomfortable all day with my abs being so damn tight and crampy I was just distracted and then I came home and stretched out and started to eat.  Why you say?  I did not take anything for lunch and did not get home until after 4:00 and was starved.  So as any normal person would do I started to eat, and had some more, and then some more because I missed lunch you know.  Well, for most people this may not be a problem but when I eat too much I feel like I am going to explode and then I was almost unable to even walk around.  I seem so hard headed sometimes and learn the hard way what to do and not to do.

I am able to eat but it has to be a little bit at a time and not all at once - lesson is take food for lunch or take the time to go get something - even if it is a cuke and hummus. 

So, I ate some oatmeal earlier, and I will have some fruit in a little bit, and then for lunch I will be conservative and then maybe snack this afternoon all while walking around Saugatuck. 

I have an appointment at 8:00 in the morning to see Dr. Patel to review my lab results and what she wants me to do to alter in my lifestyle.  She is also going to hook me up with a life coach thru a resource, and then after work I have an evaluation with the physical therapist to see what they can or cannot do and what my insurance will cover or not cover.  Honestly, even if my insurance doesn't cover anything I will use some of my flex money to at least get in a few sessions - if they can show me things to do on my own regularly that will be worth much money.  Dr. Logan has not provided me anything except to keep doing what I am doing.  Really?

Finally....

The month of August seems to be the month to see all of my doctors.  Dr. Patel is my primary care and she is the one who wants me to lose weight, improve my BP, and had me do the blood workup to see what risk factors I have and how to address them.  I just went to Dr. Wolfe yesterday for my annual (which is very important since tamoxifen can cause other uterine problems) and he asked me if physical therapy helped my abdominal area heal.  I told him I never received any referral and my ps just indicated it would get better with time.  He said if I was interested he would make a referral for at least an evaluation to see if PT would help and I jumped at the offer.  So, next Thursday I have an apponitment in Mishawaka to start the process.  Even if my insurance will not pay for it I can use the flex funds (which I increased this year and have not used) to help seek some improvement.  Dr. W. did confirm that when all is said and done the results of my reconstruction appear they will be very favorable. 

So, when I get home there is a message from Dr. P's office and the lab report is in and she wants to meet with me to review them and plan a course of action.  Oh Crap!  I will take it as a positive steps towards securing my healthy old age.  Besides, I gripe all the time about being fat so I guess this is the opportunity (or motivation) to put my butt into gear and lose these 20-30 pounds I have caried around with me since........I think I have had it always!

So, I will have my protein shake this morning, eat a nice fresh lunchy salad, and then just be darn careful with dinner and evening snacking which is where all the calories for me really do come from.  Hopefully, with PT my exercising will become easier too.

Time to Regroup

So, I went to Zumba Saturday morning and as always - I loved it and I actually could do most of the steps although I did not know them as they are all new routines.  This morning I woke up and my abs are tight as always but doable.  So, the key is to do what I am going to do early, and then take the rest of the day as it comes.  So, do I go to work later and workout first thing in the morning?   And then just do Zumba in the evening as I can?  Those classes are not until 7:00 p.m. or so in Niles.

I have to get back in shape somehow - this entire two years has seemed to really aged me and I have never felt so much like my age!   I always felt at least 10 years younger.

I also know that the older I get the harder it will be to stay in shape - now is the time!

Sorry for rambling on - but I guess this is why I put this blog together to talk!

Focus, focus, focus

Like the title says focus - I think I have lost mine.  This week since the surgery was cancelled I seem to be a little down.  I am bummed and conflicted - wanting to get this done and behind me, but not wanting to spoil the things I have already planned.  I have not changed the surgery date yet but I will.  I can then just take time off in October and recover.  In the meantime, I will try to get back on track, eat better and get back to walking and working out everyday to help my other issues like blood pressure, weight, and any other risks.  I still struggle with the damn abs being tight, crampy, and by the day's end I am struggling just to stand up straight.  Yoga does help and if I exercise early in the day that is good too.  If I wait until the end of the day, I am usually too tight to do much without a real strain on my lower back. 

We have new carpet coming for the living room, new tile for the downstairs bathroom, and then I will order new blinds for the living room.  A new sofa is also on the list and reducing some of the furniture I have sitting around the house.  I want to make the blue room (which is currently filled with stuff) into a meditation/yoga area, change out drapes and give the ability to darken the room, put in my yoga equipment and be able to stretch and do my poses and enjoy the space.  There is no real other function for that room and it is just a hodge podge of stuff we never use.  Joe got that game table with chess/checkers board and has NEVER used it and I am ready to move it downstairs or sell the damn thing (or give it away).

The cooler weather has been a nice change although it does not make me any more motivated to do anything other than sit.  Where did Cindy go?

And That's The Way It Goes

So, the doctor's office called me Monday and said they needed to change my surgery but did not have a date yet.  She called me back Tuesday and gave me September 13th which I was not happy about waiting so long but took.  Then I looked at my schedule and that is just 10 days before we go to Arizona and based upon the last surgery I had there is no reason to believe I will be just fine to enjoy all the activity I want to do in Pheonix.  I want to swim, to hike, to go up in a hot balloon.  So, I think I am going to cancel and move it to October.  In the meantime I need to take a day or two off from work or lose time as I am capped out and come October 1st I get another 16 hours (which should be fine as I am gone for a week.

I have to say I am disappointed as I am ready to have all this behind me as much as possible but all things happen for a reason so I will just keep moving forward.  I will continue to try and lose weight and improve my life style.  I see Dr. Wolfe on the 16th and Dr. Zon on the 31st and not sure when I go back to see Dr. Patel so this will still be a busy month of doctors. 

Well, more to come I am sure.  I should be getting blood work results soon and see what I should be doing to improve my risk factors.  I can't wait - ugh.

Count Down

So three days of work this week, surgery on Thursday, and Friday home to recover and spend the weekend doing the same.  I have not heard what time surgery is yet and as always, I hope it is early so I can get back home and be in my own surroundings.  I am only thinking positive thoughts.  I have continued to be be active, working through my abs and their tightness, trying to walk every day and just take it one day at a time. 

Food was more of a struggle yesterday because I was a little bored or just not busy enough.  I did get some groceries and will be able to nibble healthy.  I have still cut way back on the calories and it does show on the scale and in how I feel.  I wake up hungry and that is always a good sign.  I will walk at 6:00 for a mile and then take my shoes to walk some more at work.  If I walked early for a mile, morning for almost a miles, afternoon for almost a mile, and evening for another mile (or a little more) I could get in 4 miles a day stretched out thru the day and it would definitely add up by the end of the week and could make a large impact on my over all health.  It would also give my body a break from walking a full 4 miles at a time.  I can work up to that but right now I could do it thru the day.

I have stuff to make my morning shakes, have healthy lunch stuff, need some fresh veggies like cukes, zucchini and will get some of those locally instead of at the grocery store. 

Here is Monday and it will be a good day no matter what.

Eye Opening

So, I was at work yesterday and went on the St. Joseph County Human Services Commission website just to see what was new and went into the events section.  It showed the Legislative forum from April 2011 and the photo has the backside of the audience and the front of the legislative members in attendance.  I remember being there and have to say when I first looked at the photo I could not figure who the large white haired person was at the front.  I could not even tell if it was a lady or a guy and then as I enlarged the photo I realized the damn personw as me!  OMG!  I did not realize how very white/gray my hair was and how large I look from the back (okay I probably look that large from the front too).  So you would think that would motivate me into going to workout right after work - right?  Wrong!   I went home and began to eat while I sat in my chair - a lazyboy no less.

I can honestly say I look in the mirror and do not see the same thing the camera sees but cameras don't lie.  I really need to evaluate my life and make a decision and get off this roller coaster ride.  I yoyo all the time - heavy, slim, heavy, slim, heavy, slim.  I do admit whenever I have been slim it has been because I cut way back on calories and exercise regularly.  I also have followed a carbless type of diet.  I am struggling now because I do not want to eat that way - I don't want meat, cheese, fats as my main source of calories.  I want healthy fats, lean protein only (mostly fish/seafood) and lots of veggies and a good balance of fruit. 

I did use the chocolate shakeology Cat gave me and I blended it with frozen strawberries, a banana and almond milk.  It was delicious and may motivate me to order some shakeology and begin to use it daily as a meal replacement.  I also know that exercise always motivates me to eat better and I like to do a variety of workouts - yoga, zumba, machines, weights, CV equipment, walking, etc. 

I will begin to take one day at a time, accomplish small goals, and see if I can get on track with the 1-2 pounds a week with exercise of some kind every day.  Sounds simple.  I should print out that photo of the fat white haired old lady sitting at that meeting for my motivation.  I can't believe I am saying this but I never felt more like my mother than I did looking at that picture for the first time.  Shit!

Doctors, Doctors Everywhere

For some reason all my doctors appointments seem to fall in a small block of time.  Yesterday I had an appointment with my primary care doctor who is very aggressive with preventive health and keeping me as healthy as possible.  So, in the most polite way she informed me my blood pressure was up and also my weight and she sees that pattern so she would like to do some full blood work involving a cardio risk panel, and for me to taken advantage of the "life style" coach that will be available at no cost (or whatever my insurance will pay) and begin making some more long term life changes.  She wants 1 to 2 pounds weight loss a week and wants to see me in two weeks or so to recheck my blood pressure and weight, and review the blood test results for further explanation.  So, now I am sitting here thinking it is no longer about what I want to weigh or how I want to look but what I need to do right now and every day to get as healthy as I can.  I appreciate that she is not wanting to just let it go and see what I can do with it.  I also know the extra weight is a huge risk factor for cancer reoccurrence. 

Next week I have out patient surgery to tweak my reconstruction and again I am hoping my recovery will be quick as I am not planning on being out of work for a week - just several days.  I have my soft token in my laptop at work and can do all my work now from home on the wifi.  I will try it out over the weekend to make sure it works, but that means I can not only check my e-mail from the office which I have been able to do but actually get into all the programs as I will have access to the state programs just like the mobile workforce staff.  I have all programs on my computer and can monitor child welfare, adult services and the AP staff and their stats, data reports, etc. access the DHS-Net which is the intranet program.  So, even if I am not feeling up to par or can only work at the office part of a day after surgery, I can work from home and do all my necessary tasks.  I love the technology, and if I can have this type of work environment, I might work until I am 70.  :)  Just joking,

Well, as I continue on about my doctors appointments, on August 16th I have my annual checkup with Dr. Wolfe and this is important because I take tamoxifen I have an increased chance of cervical cancer so annual paps will monitor that.  Also, I have an appointment on August 31st with Dr. Zon which will be my first 6 month appointment.  

It will definitely be a busy month and I will look forward to Labor Day weekend not only for a three day break from work but the first ND game and the beginning of Fall.  Life is good!